The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

- Yo, Nicky, you ready? Almost.

Hurry up, man, we got to get on.

Where's Nicky? Today is children's day at the Nixon Library.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up, man. Nicky's going with me.

I'm taking him to the sorority beach-volleyball tournament.

Mm. Two hundred honeys bumping and spiking. You know what I mean? Heh.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, you don't know what I mean.

Will, you're just Nicky's cousin, I'm his brother.

- I'm a big branch of his family tree. - Mm.

Then why are your limbs so short?

Let's see what my father thinks about this.

All right, all right, you big baby.

Fine, Nicky can go with you. Y'all just have fun.

- Really? - Yeah, sure, man.

Oh. Don't forget your flag, though.

What's a day at the Nixon Library without Old Glory?

- Oh, good call. - All right.

Hey!

Hey!

Everybody going to the beach say, "Kowabunga!"

- Kowabunga! - Ha-ha-ha.

[SINGING "THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL-AIR" THEME]

Whoa, nice flowers. Another stalker?

I wish. I had a problem at the studio today.

What happened?

Well, I was late for my talk-show taping, so I parked in the first space I could find.

I found out later it was Leeza Gibbons' spot and she had my car towed.

I was so upset, I sent these flowers to cheer myself up.

Man, now who does a thing like that?

I know, can you believe her?

I don't care how high her ratings are, nobody treats Hilary Banks like this.

I'll get her. And her little car too.

You're not taking them diet pills again, are you?

You have to help me think of a way to get even with her.

Forgive me, but why are you involving Master William?

Will's come a long way from Philly, but let's face it...

...he's still a common street hood from the wrong side of the tracks.

So will you help me?

Oh, gee, you know, when you put it that way, no.

Will, I'm begging you.

Look, come on, girl, that's vandalism you're talking about. No.

Oh, I do remember this one time, though...

...my homies was trying to get even with this gym teacher.

My man Chill took a key, scratched all up the side of the paint.

I took a potato, right, rammed it up in the tailpipe.

Dude came out, started that joint, it was like "kaboom!"

Boom!

What a wonderful lesson for Master Nicky.

Perhaps now you could teach him to run with scissors.

Come on, G, Nicky knows that vandalism ain't cool, right?

- Right. - All right, come on, let's go. Unh.

Get down to this beach. Get with these honeys, know what I mean?

Geoffrey, if I were a potato, where would I be?

- Where are you two going? - To the beach.

Yeah, me and Will are going trolling for slimmies.

He be tripping. Ha, ha. Heh.

No, he mean, "We gonna play in the sand. " Ha, ha.

Look, Ashley, it's Daddy's mad face.

Come on, Nicky, let's go upstairs before Daddy's head explodes.

Will, at this age, Nicky is like a sponge.

If he hears something he likes, he's gonna imitate it.

Oh, kind of like Michael Bolton.

Maybe you've been spending too much time with Nicky.

Doesn't Carlton have some plans for this afternoon?

Oh, yeah, and where is he?

I know he better have a daggone good excuse for standing Nicky up.

Will locked me in the closet.

That's so tired.

All right, Uncle Phil...

...I just wanted to take the kid to his first bikini volleyball tournament.

I do not want my little boy exposed to that much sex.

Oh, don't worry, Mom, it only happened once.

You meant Nicky, didn't you?

I read that Dougie is gonna be appearing down at the mall today.

Oh. Dougie? That big, dumb, orange whale that be singing them stupid songs?

Those are life-affirming little ditties...

...that bring joy to the young and young at heart.

I love everything, big and small

- Cute and ugly, I love them all - Cute and ugly, I love them all

Would you like to go see Dougie at the mall today?

Dougie? Cool!

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Come on, time out.

Now, can we think about this for a second, please?

Now, Dougie loves everything.

People, am I the only one that finds something terribly wrong with that?

I love bugs and I love death

I love oozing flesh wounds

Mommy! Mommy!

Will! Will! What the hell is wrong with you?

Oh, I'm sorry, Uncle Phil. I didn't know he was gonna act like that.

Look, at least can I take him to the mall?

Are we gonna go see Dougie?

Yeah, that's right. Me and you. Oh.

If we hurry out of there, we can make it to the victory swim.

Hey, unhand me.

Sir, the floor seating is for children only. Now sit in the chair like a grown-up.

Where's Dougie?

Well, he is a whale. Maybe we should go look for him at the beach.

- Okay. - Yes.

[CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

It's Dougie.

I love you, everybody.

We love you, Dougie.

Let's all do the welcome song.

Everyone sing and dance along.

It's nice to be here With you, my friends

My lovely, friendly, friendly friends

I love you all so much, my friends I like my big friends

Hey, someone check the damn level.

It's nice to be here With you, my friends

My little friends, my happy friends

It's nice to be here with you, my friends My cutie, little friend...

That's it. You SOBs better pull your thumbs out...

...and get your freaking acts together.

What's wrong with Dougie?

I think something must have crawled up his blowhole.

Dougie! Dougie!

Dougie! Dougie! Dougie!

Let's get out of here.

Last time a Dougie concert was canceled, kids went crazy and trashed a babyGap.

Shut up, Carlton.

I'm gonna go back and have a mammal-to-mammal with Dougie.

Go get Nicky and calm this crowd down.

Come on, Nicky.

Sit right here.

Maestro.

[CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

Excuse me. Mr. Dougie?

I was wondering when you were coming back out there...

...because we've been waiting all day.

Aren't you a little old for this crap?

Uh-huh. Yeah, but my cousin isn't. You know, he came here to see a show.

Yeah? What'd he pay for the ticket?

Nothing. It was free.

Then the little brat got his money's worth. Now beat it.

Um, look here, you big orange Moby Dick.

Listen, hotshot.

I know this isn't as glamorous as your job down at the mini-mart...

...but I make an honest day's work.

And who the hell are you to look down on me, huh, punk?

You pushed me, called me "punk. " That's funny. Listen. Um...

I'll tell you what, why don't you just put your hat on...

...go back out there, do what you gotta do for the kids...

...because they're looking forward to it.

Tough guy, huh? I'm so scared.

You better keep your fins off me, all right?

Why, what are you gonna do, huh? What are you gonna do, wise guy, huh?

- I think you better keep your fins off me. - Oh, yeah?

Oh, it's on now.

Okay, time for another song.

Aww.

What are you doing to Dougie?

Oh.

We was just playing, y'all.

Hey, sorry.

I need a drink.

You hurt Dougie.

I hate you, Will.

Nicky.

You see?

- Get him! - No.

Mom, presenting the all new and improved Nicholas Banks.

Look at you.

Nicky and I are gonna be spending more time together, especially since he's...

...M-A-D at W-I-L-L.

How do you like your new clothes, baby?

Mommy, I H-A-T-E them.

From now on, it's you and me, Nicky. The fabulous Banks boys.

Great.

Hey, what's up, everybody?

Nicky.

He's still mad at you, and so am I.

Oh, please leave me alone, Carlton.

I already had to go through this for 40 hours with Uncle Phil.

I made a mistake.

That's why I bought this train set.

Well, it's a start.

Thanks.

When I was a little girl, I got so mad at your mother...

...I stopped speaking to her for weeks.