The Blackout

Eddie.

Good morning, sunshine.

Who is that?

No, no no no no no...

Babe, the sexiest thing I could've done

is check her pulse.

Jenny. Jenny. Jenny, come on.

Just clam down.

Give me a second to smoke a bowl,

and figure out what the hell happened last night.

I can't do this anymore, Eddie.

Don't. The band's signing papers.

We're going on tour today.

Yeah. All the more reason

we should cut our losses.

Nothing happened in there. I swear.

Don't fucking text me, don't fucking call me,

don't even tweet about me, just don't even think about me.

Facebook?

Jenny, come on. Jenny!

This is all just a misunderstanding.

Oh my god.

Jesus.

Hmm...

Well, this can't get any worse.

Toss?

Hey Toss. Hey buddy.

Toss! Come on, buddy.

Hey man, Toss!

No, no, no.

No!

I thought you are dead.

Oh. You mean I'm not?

What did we do last night?

Oh...

I'll tell you what we didn't do.

Oh...

Enough for coke.

Shit got a little out of hand last night.

AIDS,

got a little out of hand compared to what happened here.

Dude, I can't remember anything.

At some point,

triple jumped the line between award show drunk and Hasslehoff.

Oh...

Who took a shit in your mouth?

Chas.

Who else?

Fucking asshole.

Jenny broke up with me.

Oh cool.

No.

Not cool.

Chas fucked this stripper in my room last night,

Jenny walked in, and just assumed...

You hit that? -What?

No!

You should've woke her with wood,

she would've thought you were Chas, right?

You want Chas' sloppy seconds?

Can't get more Herpes.

That's not true.

Last thing I remember is,

dinner.

I don't remember,

the last thing I remember.

Wow, uh-uhn.

You know, my back hurts,

from carrying you every time we try to have fun.

...what you want me to do.

If you are hungry,

eat.

They wouldn't wait for you.

That's my fucking point, Toss.

Why are you looking at them?

I don't know.

Why are you making such a big deal out of nothing?

As usual.

Ahh!!

Well,

that was a little more heated than usual.

Yeah, she must be ride on the cotton pony.

Why do you always assume... -Shush...

Alright, let's not take your frustrations

on my girl.

She was about to side with her

even though you both know that she's

bat shit crazy!

I was simply trying to... -Shut!

Up! -Hey!

That's enough, man.

No, it's fine.

I'm just gonna check on Beth. -I'm sorry.

Toss!

Treat my girl with some respect, man.

It's about fucking time.

Dinner's been over for an hour.

But dig in, boys.

We were at Crazy Girls

with boobs. Now we're here.

Did I ever tell you about the time I was

balls deep in the two hole of this little Asian bird

right here on this very table?

What was his name?

Ha ha ha.

Forgive us. Most of your stories start that way.

That is because I have a pornographic memory, my friend.

Chas, nobody wants to hear about your sexual...

Disappointments.

Speak for yourselves.

I love hearing this stuff.

It's hot, very sexy.

Sometimes I jerk off.

What? I'm lonely.

All right,

you know what?

Why don't we put this to a vote?

How many people here,

actually,

want to hear this bullshit?

Show hands.

Great! Now we don't have to hear about

your quest to defile a girl

in every room of this house.

Not fair.

Birds can't vote.

Go fuck yourself, Chas.

I already have.

But you know, I've got just enough juice

left to get that last room. -Oh,

there's a reason,

why it's the last room.

I'll get in.

I always do.

I bet you say that to all the boys.

If I were you,

I will choose my next word very carefully, my friend.

Because I can do worse than what everyone hears

through your walls and their nightmares.

Well, I think we all know you can do better.

Right?

Is that a joke?

Listen, if I'm fully drunk,

and she's half attractive,

then she's fully attractive.

You know, if Heath Ledger did that kind of math,

then he'd still be alive.

Gees!

Was he gonna do math...

Just somebody call a punch before I do.

Easy, love.

We just having a spot of fun. -Yeah, fun.

Anyone having a blast?

You know, I think we all be a little bit off spirit tonight.

How you ladies doing?

Em, time of my fucking life.

Kinda night you just wanna wrap your lips around cold steel.

Is she going on tour with us?

I would, but you'd will there, so... -So,

great.

This might be fun after all. -Chas.

You've been a dick ever since I decided to sleep

the guitarist instead of you. -God...

Love,

I've always been a dick.

And you see, the thing about dicks,

is that they attract pussy.

And the biggest dick,

gets the most pussy.

And let's face it.

You've never seen a bigger dick than this,

and poor little Eddie here,

I mean, he's the rhythm guitar.

Chas. -What?

For the love of god,

I'll super glue your cock your taint.

Again.

Well, I think it's time to powder my nose.

Wait, you got coke?

Too soon?

Too late.

We've got company.

What did he piss about?

He does play rhythm guitar.

I hate my life.

Jenny.

One two, cha cha cha...

Are you guys expecting company?

Just few of our closest friends, friend.

Really?

Really.

You invited them.

Oh dude, I invited some people.

We invited he invites some people.

Wonderful.

Guys,

this just supposed to be a dinner party.

Yeah, well uh,

we had dinner, so,

let's party.