Younger

This is the last time

I spend good money on a new mattress.

They weren't even in the apartment,

just the building.

Are you sure that you...

We shared a wall with bedbugs!

They're too small.

By the time you know you have them, it's too late.

Did you hear about that guy?

He started with all the itching, and then he got an infection...

Right, and then he had his hand cut off.

You heard that story?

Yes, but it's an urban myth.

But I agree. I agree.

Don't take any chances.

The exterminator comes in one hour.

I am going to stay at my cousin's in Riverdale.

When she steals her kids' Ritalin,

she's really fun.

So I'll see you kids in two days.

Good luck.

Ugh!

Oh, you're looking at me like I have cooties.

You don't, do you?

No, the bedbugs were most definitely

not in our apartment.

I am completely bedbug free.

Well, we'll see about that.

I'm gonna have to do a thorough physical examination.

Are you sure your roommates won't mind if I stay?

No, of course not. They love you.

But you should probably take a really hot shower

and shave off all your body hair before you come over.

All of it.

You wish.

- I'm serious. - Come on, dude.

_

How did this happen?

Joanne from my book clu... uh, the...

I mean, that suburban book club

must have started a campaign.

There's, like, over 100 of these.

Liza, do you realize what you've done?

This is real.

We have to tell Charles.

So I need those PPBs on my desk

by the end of the week.

That's all I have. Any other business?

As a matter of fact, our very own Liza Miller

found a book in the slush pile,

and it's suddenly getting a lot of attention.

Really?

How's that?

Well...

this book is incredible.

It's an epic, multigenerational tale

of this Southern family.

I had an inkling it might play well

in the suburban book club crowd,

so I sent it to one.

After we agreed upon that strategy.

E-exactly.

I feel it's always good to keep a finger

on the suburban pulse.

Yes, she does.

Anyway,

as it turns out, they loved it.

They raved about it on Goodreads,

and then other suburban book clubs started to read it,

and now there's actually a campaign

to get us to publish it.

The book is called The Scarf,

and people have been sending in their scarves

all morning.

I, uh... I'm impressed.

Get me a copy.

I'll read it tonight.

And we will talk in the morning.

Nice job, Liza.

And me.

Since when do you read books from the slush pile?

Um, I told you I was.

I thought you were joking.

And what on Earth made you think

it was appropriate to go to Charles directly?

You girls in your 20s have absolutely no boundaries.

I'm sorry.

"I'm sorry" doesn't fix anything.

Get me a copy ASAP.

And clean up those damn scarves.

Cubicle looks like a Stevie Nicks estate sale.

Well, that can't be good.

No, no, no, no.

We are not gonna let her kill this buzz.

We're gonna go out and celebrate tonight.

Thad and I will take Josh and you out to dinner.

Oh, no, no, you don't have to do that.

Yeah, we do.

It's about time we have a proper double date anyway.

A toast to my friend and mentee

Liza Miller.

- Mentee? - Yeah, that's not a word.

Absolutely not a word.

To a long and successful editorial career.

You know what?

It's only a matter of time

before she and I are running Empirical together.

Oh, guys, look!

The placemats list the relationship compatibility

of all the signs on the Chinese zodiac.

Uh-oh.

Let's see if we're compatible, huh?

I am the Year of the Horse.

Yeah, that's what I heard.

And you're the Year of the Dragon.

Oh, no, it's not a good match.

No, no, no, we are a good match.

I'm the Year of the Ti...

phoid scare of 1988, which also

happens to be the Year of the Dragon.

So yup.

Oh, wow, look. Yup, it's true.

We're horrible, terrible.

Oh, we're the worst match. Oh, wow.

What you gonna do?

I don't care about what this placemat says.

I've always had a thing for dragons.

By the way, just for the record,

the snake really goes with the rabbit.

Hey, just like that thing you keep by your bed.

What? You were talking about his dong.

Why can't I talk about your vibrator?

To Kelsey's vibrator.

To Kelsey's vibrator.

Yay! Oh, come on, Kelsey.

You got to give it up for that.

Okay, guys, night-night.

Don't you let the bedbugs...

Stop. Don't remind me.

Yo, thanks for coming to Brooklyn.

- Good night, you guys. - See you next time.

Hey, can we not mention

the whole bedbug thing to my roommates?

They may not know how to clean a toilet,

but they will freak out about those little suckers.

Of course.

Hey, did you get your bedroom door fixed yet?

Yes, I fixed it yesterday.

Oh, thank God.

I was afraid I wasn't going to get any sleep.

You still may not get any sleep.

Mm.

Dude, no, no, no.

No, no, behind your back.

The guy with the machete. Come on, man!

- Oh! - Ooh!

- Wow. - Jesus.

Yo, what are you guys doing?

- Hey! - Hey!

What's up, man?

- Good to see you. - Good to see you.

- What's up? - It's good to see you, bro.

Yeah, we got bored with Philly,

so we decided to drive up here the last minute and...

- Crash. - Just crash.

Nice. That's great.

Oh, and who do we have here?

This is Liza.

This is Jimmy Z. This is Ryan.

They used to live in the neighborhood.

Nice to meet you, girl.

Yo, that's good.

So is this your new girlfriend?

Uh...

I... we're... hanging out?

Right?

- Hanging out? - Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

Uh, even though, according to the Chinese zodiac,

we're not even compatible.

I know, right?

What you gonna do?

I'm gonna... I'm gonna...

I'm just gonna...

Okay, there's a situation in that toilet.

Serious... seriously?

Come on, Du... whose is it?

Gabe was there last.

No, Roman went in after me.

I did not! What?

Okay, it was me.

I tried flushing three times. It wouldn't go down.

I'm not a toilet wizard!

You plunge, bro, all right?

You plunge.

I'm gonna go use

the restaurant bathroom downstairs.

That is a great idea.

Oh, hey, hey, will you pick up

a roll of toilet paper while you're down there?