Klown (Klovn - the movie)

Would you like a little yummy-yummy?

Wonderful.

- What are you doing? - Yummy-yummy?

ls it because l haven't showered?

No ... l meant cream puffs.

Cream puffs ...

- Ah, that kind of yummy-yummy. - You thought it was the other yummy?

- l don't know what l thought. - lt's just cream puffs.

You sure have taken a shine to these. Cream puffs 24-7.

- Well, l'm in. - l know you are.

What's that letter? lt hasn't even been opened.

- l use it as a book mark. - lt's from our sponsor child.

lt's probably about him having fresh water and walking 50 miles to school.

No, no, no! They say we haven't paid anything in the last 18 months!

They've transferred the child to another sponsor.

- Why haven't you paid? - l thought l had!

Well, apparently not! lt says here that we haven't paid for 18 months.

The bank was going to handle it, because l always forget these things!

- Well, you neglected to tell the bank. - lt was an honest mistake.

Yes. And now we don't have that child anymore.

l lost interest in the cream puff altogether now.

- Aha. We're the last to arrive. - Look, how pretty.

- lsn't it pretty? - Yes, it looks great.

Hi, Bo!

- Frank, say hi to Bo, would you? - Hi.

l need a drink.

- You're going camping? - Yes! We take off on Monday.

- Out in the wild. - Just the two of us.

Canoeing?

Every fucking time l travel, lben comes along, and l can't get laid.

So l asked, if she'd go canoeing. She said no, so canoeing it is!

So from now on all my vacations start out in a canoe.

- lnto a canoe, next stop Pattaya. - l'm bringing my fishing rod, though.

- So, l'll see you at the music festival? - Hell yeah!

- l mightjust host a little reefer. - What's a reefer?

Ajoint. The annual one, Frank.

Ah, l see!

lt hits you harder than a hammer.

lt's magic powder from a quick dip in Tinker Bell's pussy. Sprinkle, sprinkle.

Hip, hip, hooray. Hip, hip, hooray.

Stand up straight, Bo.

Frank! Everybody's waiting!

We apologize.

ls cousin Andreas here?

Look up, Bo.

You're going to the festival? What about Bo?

Susan said you'd be looking after him during their honeymoon.

Not me! lf l wanted kids around, l'd have worked in a kindergarten.

- Hi, sweetie. - Your hands are cold.

lt's chilly.

A draft, please.

Hey, Frank.

- God, she's cute. - l'm so happy for you.

About what?

Mia's pregnancy.

- She's not pregnant! - Yes, she is. l examined her myself.

Your boys are swimming, Frank. Well done.

- Are you try ing to be funny? - You're the one joking around.

Andreas claims Mia's pregnant.

- She is! - You know more than me, then.

Andreas! Hello!

- Frank wasn't supposed to know yet! - l'm quite surprised he doesn't know.

- Mia was very explicit about this! - Not to me.

- She wanted to wait! - l'm so cold ...

Honey, Andreas says you're pregnant.

Yeah ... l congratulated him.

Are you?

Yes. l am.

Why didn't you tell me?

Frank, can we talk about this at home?

l think we should talk about it now.

Can we please wait until we get home?

Frank, it'sjust ... l'm having doubts.

l worry you don't have enough potential as a father.

l don't have father potential?

- You don't really like kids, do you? - Sure, l do.

l do.

lt would be a shame, ifwe didn't give it a shot. Try it out.

lt's not like you can try it out. You can't return it, you know ...

- No, no, no ...! Of course, you can't. - No.

May l tell you something?

Any man has the right to become the father he's capable of being.

- What are you doing here? - You're babysitting me.

- Was that today? - Yes, starting today.

Okay.

l wasn't informed ofthat.

- Uhm ... okay, welcome. - Thank you.

l'm all over the place. Mia's having doubts about the baby.

- And what do you say? - l tell her ...

... that the baby should have a fair shot at it.

- A shot ...? - lt's something you must believe in.

She must believe that you love her more than anything on the planet.

Women need expressions of love.

- Like a box of chocolate ...? - Jesus, Frank, that won't do it.

You need to deliver a pearl necklace. That's where we're at here.

- We're up to a pearl necklace. - You mean expensive Tiffany style?

Uhm, no! That's not exactly it.

- You're not getting it, Frank. - A pearl necklace is very basic.

You simply come on your girlfriend's neck.

She's sleeping. You come on her neck and say: "l love you so much l had to."

- Masturbate on her? - Yes.

- And that's a grand gesture? - Yes, very much so.

She's sleeping. You come all over her. Spray her breasts and neck with cum.

That's a pearl necklace.

She will see it as a compliment and as an expression of love.

So, l wake her up and say: "l just masturbated on you."

You might want to be more eloquent. Thatjust won't cut it.

l'll start out with a regular necklace, but thanks for the input.

- Don't underestimate it, Frank. - Hello. Hello.

l think we're all here now. lt's through there.

- Thank you. - Casper, do you have a minute?

- l haven't read it. - And?

- What should l do? - Why ask me? l never read anything.

l didn'tjoin the book club to read! l joined to see the guys.

l always just say: "Cool and very telling front cover."

- So, l'll talk about the back cover? - That's not my problem, Frank.

Today we will talk about Joseph Conrad's 'Heart of Darkness'.

May l?

l just want to thank Niels for suggesting the book. lt's a great read.

l'd read it before, but it was fantastic to revisit it.

So as not to waste anybody's time, l need to tell you that l didn't read it.

- And that's not wasting our time? - That's why l'm saying it now.

So as not to waste your time.

- Then l'll have to ask you to leave. - But l'm being honest.

What ifwe all said we hadn't read it. lt's rude to the rest of us.

lt is! So, leave.

l recall a previous incident when Lars hadn't read 'We, The Drowned'.

Ole was very upset, and we agreed that Lars would get a schnozzle.

Fair enough. Let's put it to the vote. Frank stays, if he accepts a schnozzle.

Okay, Frank you can stay. But you get a schnozzle.

l'm not the only one who didn't read it.

Anyone else who hasn't read it?

- Jørgen? - l didn't read it, l have to admit.

- l told you so. - l'm prepared to accept a schnozzle.

l won't accept the schnozzle! lt's humiliating.

- Take the schnozzle ... - l don't want the schnozzle!

- l've had some personal problems. - Well, Jørgen's been pretty busy, too.

- With the Tour de France reporting. - No! The Haiti quake and all.

- Sure. That's too bad. - And he accepts his schnozzle.

l've said no! lt's a matter of principle. l will not be mutilated.

lt's humiliating. l'm not in favour of it.

Then you must leave. Why do l have to keep telling you?

Just because he wrote a hit song, he's suddenly the king ofthe world.

- Bent is much more than that. - Well, what is he then?

Bent wrote 'Alley Cat'. He has the song andthe bordello.

- What bordello? - Castello Alley Cat in Silkeborg.

- Bent has a bordello in Silkeborg? - The best bordello in Europe!

- ln the world even. - On our canoe route?

Why do you think we're passing by there?!

lt's open once a year. Once a year!

He flies in the world's best prostitutes for one night.

And only friends of Bent are invited.

But, Frank, get things sorted out with Mia before we leave.

- lt's tomorrow, Frank! - l know!

l love you, honey. You know that, right?

- Yes. - l wasn't sure you knew.

l know. Did you say good night to Bo?

- No. lsn't he asleep yet? - No, not quite.

Oh ... l'll say good morning to him instead.

- l'm off. - Have a great night.

- You'll look after Bo? - Yes.

- Bye. - Bye, honey.

Did you check upstairs?

Grab the last bits and pieces.

Let's get out of here.

Did you ever hear of anyone leaving a 12-year-old boy behind like that?

l've seen a lot as a policeman, but you always protect your children.

- Not always . - Of course you do! Do you hear me?

- Well?! - Yes, yes ...

Are you okay, Bo?

l just asked him! So, now you can't hear?

You're such a coward!

You can't even look after a child for one night!

Let's go get some sleep, Bo.

- Where do l sleep, sweetie? - l don't know. ln there.

lt's a junior mattress, honey.

- Do you know where Mia is? - What?

- Do you know where Mia is? - She's taking a nap until we leave.

- Where are you going? - To Grandma and Granddad's.

Did she say why?

- No, she didn't say why. - What didshe say? ls she upset?

l don't know. She just said she'd go rest a bit because she was tired.

She needed to rest before leaving, that's all l know.

Honey?

- What are you doing? - What?

What are you doing? What's going on?

- What's that? Help ... - Mom!

l thought that was you! Bo said you were sleeping.

- ls it you, Frank? - No!

- Mia, a tissue! - l'll get some now. Go away!

- What's wrong with him?! - Pykker?! l thought it was Mia!

That doesn't make it better!

- Yes, right there ... - lt's in your eye.

Honey ...

Right. l'm offto the ER with Mom. Take Bo to my dad's.

- l'm ready. - Frank will take you to granddad's.

- Grandma and me will be along later. - Yes.

- See you, Grandma. - Yes, sweetie.

- Would you like to try canoeing? - No.

We're now going to Casper's. You're coming along on the canoe trip.