100 Questions

You know, after answering only a few

Of these soul mate questions,

I totally see why they're so probing and complex.

Well, I think

You're making them harder than they're supposed to be.

I mean, you didn't exactly have to tell

A whole 30 minute story when I asked you

If your billing address

Was the same as your current address.

It was a brilliant story.

I'm not getting that.

Why?

It's my ex, renaldo.

He's crazy.

But he looks just like a cocoa brown Daniel Craig.

He's a bad, bad, delicious, bad man.

Oh. Mm.

I tried a renaldo once.

Really? I can't see you with a bad boy.

His name was Luke, and he was a biker.

Vroom, vroom!

Mm-hmm.

Jill was dating his friend,

Which should've been my first warning.

But there was something about him.

With muscles, his leather...

Tattoos, sweat!

This might be the first story of yours

I actually wanna hear.

Then I got this one a few months ago.

It's the Japanese symbol for strength.

Yes, it is.

And, um, what is this one for?

Well, that one there's for my friend Rico.

He passed last year.

Man, I couldn't do anything.

Couldn't ride, couldn't drink,

Couldn't fight for, like, six months.

It's hard when you lose as many friends as we do.

Together: To Rico.

So you just leave that there on the floor?

God, so rebellious.

- Yeah. - Mm.

Hey--whoa!

That is dangerous.

Someone should put a cone over this.

Mike, Wayne, this is Luke and Pete.

- Hi. - How's it going?

See you later.

- Oh, we were gonna join-- - See you later.

- So we can't even-- - See you later.

Right.

Hey, Tony, the usual.

Hey, you know what those guys remind me of?

- Who? - Us.

Would not have been my first guess.

I mean, they're biker brothers

And we're blood brothers.

Remember?

Camp Watahatchi, summer, 1989.

Oh, yeah.

The Watahatchi two.

I was the chief and you were the medicine man.

Yeah.

My allergies were out of control that summer.

That was still an amazing six weeks.

I became blood brothers with you

And I made out with Sally Ann macintosh

Behind the mess hall.

Didn't she wear a back brace?

Not for long.

We're kind of done with

The public portion of our date.

Yeah, we're outta here.

Nice.

Um, so,

Do you have any scars or battle wounds?

Well, I got my appendix taken out when I was eight.

We had really bad insurance,

So the doctor was kind of sloppy.

Wanna see it?

- Yes, please. - All right.

Hold on. Yep.

See, it's here.

And there's some over there.

So I'll cover this one

Till you get another one of those signs, okay?

Whoa, whoa, watch yourself, miss.

Very slippery.

Boy, bikers sure do dress cool.

Yeah, I really don't look at guys.

Yeah, whatever.

I got my own blood brother right here,

Who needs to look at other guys?

Blood brothers, yeah.

What?

I--it's nothing, nothing.

Well, you can't just do that.

It's funny. It's a funny story.

I wanna hear it.

All right, you know the blood brothers thing?

Yeah.

So you cut your hand, and you're crying and bleeding.

Oh, ho, ho! I remember that!

Well, I actually didn't cut myself.

I put tabasco sauce on my hand and shook yours.

No, that's funny. That's...

That's a funny story.

I mean, I remember my hand was stinging.

But I thought that was from

The cosmic connection being formed.

No. No.

It was from the tabasco sauce.

And then you know what he did?

He put tabasco sauce on his hand.

20 years of friendship based on a lie.

And he doesn't even care.

Oh, I'm sure he cares, Mike.

Well, he doesn't act like it.

I wish I could talk about this now,

But Luke's gonna be here any second.

you know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna get new friends.

And then Wayne will realize

Just how valuable a friend I am.

you get that.

- Yeah. - Okay.

- Hey, Luke. - Hey, li'l Mike.

Hey, Luke, what are you doing tomorrow night?

I don't know, probably watching the fight.

A fight.

How about you watch it at my place?

I got a big tv, I can get some food, some beer.

Yeah, sounds good. I'll bring the guys.

Great!

Downstairs, apartment 2g, 8:00.

- Great. - All right.

- It's a date. - Not a date.

It's not a date.

See, I told you we could make it downtown in ten minutes.

I really didn't know you could take sidewalks on these things.

Eh, if the bike will fit,

That's the path we're taking.

You got a great scream.

No one's ever noticed that before.

You're gonna love this bar.

Full of loud music, cheap whiskey, and a bull.

A mechanical bull!

No. Come on.

Here you go.

Hey, it's really cool of you to have us over for the fight.

Oh, yeah.

My roommate and I had a kind of falling out.

See, back in camp Watahatchi, I cut my--

- Are we gonna watch the fight or what?

Yes, we are.

Wayne! Oh, this is awkward.

I didn't realize you'd be stopping by.

Uh, I live here.

That's my bed.

- Wayne. - Hey, Luke, right?

Yeah, that's Luke.

He is officially one of my new friends.

In fact, all of these guys are my new friends.

Hey, mark, the fight's about to start.

- Mark, mike-- doesn't matter to me.

It's how close we are.

One fight coming up.

Well, uh... I'll get out of your way.

Yeah, you should probably just go.

What are you talking about, there's room here.

We can scootch, right guys? Come on.

Oh, you don't wanna scootch on a couch like this,

It's more of a three person-- - Oh, yeah, I love that.

Hey, mark...

If you're heading to the fridge,

You mind hooking me up with a beer?

So after the movie,

Luke took me to this crazy place last night.

New Jersey?

Have you been? It's fascinating.

No, Jill, it's not serious.

I'm just having fun for once.

It's a rather nice change of pace.

he's here.

Sorry I'm late, babe.

It's quite all right... Babe.

You are cute as a button.

So what are we gonna do tonight?

Movie, drag race, cock fight?

Actually, I got a little surprise for you.

Oh, really?

Aw, you didn't have to do that.

Where is it?

Right here.

Um...Is that me?

Yep.

On your chest?

Yeah.

It's official now, you are my old lady.