Kops (Kopps)

- Hello. - Hello. Jacob.

- Camilla. - Please sit down.

Something to drink? Wine perhaps?

I'll just have some water.

Excuse me.

Since we don't know one another, I've got some questions, if that's okay?

Yes, sure...

Do you watch a lot of TV?

No more than normal.

- Okay, what's normal for you? - I don't know, a bit...

Do you have plants at home?

Right, next one. In the ad you said you were humorous. Is that true?

Well, in my job the environment is quite tough -

- so it's important to keep your humour up through laughing a bit...

What do you mean?

That you... you laugh sometimes...

- Why do you have a moustache? - Sorry?

Moustache?

It's something I'm comfortable with. I think it's good looking.

Okay, that was everything.

Sorry about all the questions, but this isn't a natural way of meeting.

It's alright.

Well, now that's done.

- Have you made up your mind? - Yes, I have.

- What are you going to have? - I'll be honest with you...

- You're not my type. - But we've just...

Yes, I know, but you feel straight away there isn't anything, you know.

- I see... - So, I may as well leave.

Okay? Bye.

Bye.

KOPS

What was I thinking of...

- Yes... how'd it go with that girl? - Not so good.

What the hell...?

What kind of bloody music is this?

- No, no... - No, that's mine and that's yours...

Has everyone bid? Did you bid, Lasse?

Lasse, did you bid?

- Three aces. - Full house.

Damn, Greta, that's the third time. You're cheating!

- There's no cheating here. - No, we never do.

- Then it's just pure luck. - Luck? No, skill...

- Let's go! - Shut up everyone!

- Get on the floor! - Down, down!

- Let's go, let's go! - Thirty seconds!

Benny...!

Benny!

It's lunch time.

- What are we having? - Waffle hot dogs.

No mustard on mine, Agneta.

Can I have some grilled onions as well?

Lasse! Come on, say it!

- I love you. - What? I didn't hear. What'd you say?

- I love you. - You see, he can't say it.

- I just said it. - Are you embarrassed? Just say it.

- What should he say? - He should say, "I love you".

- To me? - No, Agneta.

- What, you love Agneta? - No, Lasse.

I just think we've gone beyond that stage.

- What stage is that? - Exactly.

- Suddenly everyone's against me... - Admit you're no romantic. It's okay.

Exactly. And he's getting fat. Feel here.

- Stop it... - Say it, then. Say it...

- I love, I love you! Are you happy? - No. You should say it with feeling.

- Jacob here. It's Jacob... Jacob. - Hi Jacob. We have a 24-71.

Again? We're on our way.

Lasse, let's go. We've got a 24-71.

- What are we going to do now? - A coffee after lunch sounds good.

- What are you doing? - Talking a bit.

Cut it out. Let's get him.

Okay... One... two... three... Let's go!

Go about your business, we've got this under control.

Hey, Dick... Yes...

Håkan, that shampoo in the shower, is it anti-dandruff? It's so foamy.

Yes, it's really creamy. Dog shampoo has to be like that to maintain volume.

Hello... Right, everyone's here.

- Good morning, officers. - Good morning, Folke.

- Are you all well? - Yes, thanks.

Good... Right, Agneta.

Okay. At 08:30 they rang from the hot-dog stand -

- there was some guy in a cowboy hat...

- And cowboy boots. - And cowboy boots.

...walking on the railway tracks. When we got there he was gone.

Bun?

What is that cow doing out there?

Well... He's grazing, I think.

- Anything else? - What's it called...

Agneta and I want to talk about the patrol cars.

I know, it's been really confusing lately.

- We should call them patrol cars. - Patrol cars?

- That's what they're called. - I'm not going round saying patrol car!

It's all wrong. There are different police service vehicles.

There's traffic control cars, investigation cars...

Benny, come on... We've only got two cars. Number one and two.

- It's not so hard to keep track. - Right, right...

- Really good buns, by the way. - I baked them.

- Really good. - Thanks.

Dick, no way, come on. Off... off!

- Jesus, Jacob! - I have to.

- What'd happen if you didn't? - Nothing.

But if I didn't do it I wouldn't stop thinking about it.

- Haven't you tried skipping it? - Once. I couldn't stop thinking about it.

I had to do it twice the next day. You know that. Why ask?

- I didn't ask, I just think it's strange. - That's how it is.

Hello!

Little squirt... God, no, no, no... Hello! What do you want from me?

Every time I'm here, you're after my arse. What you want?

- Who are you? - Jenny.

Right, you're that little mongrel I fetch here sometimes.

- You're the mongrel! - Cheeky, too? Now you're done for!

So, violence against a policeman?

That's at least a life sentence.

Shit, 28 seconds...

Come on... in the hole...

Two, three, four, five, six...

- Hey, Benny. You okay? - Hi, Mike.

- I'm fine. - What you doing?

- Just some... - Shit, you fag, you're knitting!

- My mother knits. - Shut the fuck up.

Shit, that sounds nuts. "Fuck"? You sound like a total straight.

- Say "fock", gangsta style, like. - I am...

Christ, what you doing here Mike? Go in, eat food! Now!

- Hi,Benny. - Hi, Ramzi.

- How are you? - Fine, and you?

- What you doing, knitting? - It's going to be one of those...

What you knit? Police don't go knit. Must help people.

My wife knits in home. Are you wife?

No, you know I'm a policeman.

- What a policeman. Bye, Benny! - Bye.

I got your message...

...and yes, it's going to be great meeting you, too.

I'll tell you what I'll be wearing so you'll recognize me.

I'll be wearing... blue... light blue jeans -

and a white striped top.

Or maybe a blue striped one, I haven't decided yet.

But... how do you say...

I have dark hair and will have a moustache... or, I have a moustache.

See you this evening and... see you this evening.

Which one should I wear?

- That one. - You like it... And this blue one?

- It doesn't go together? No? - No...

This one, then.

Hello... Good you could come.

No problem. I didn't have any plans.

- I have a date today. - Today again?

- But this time it feels really good. - I've heard that before.

- But... - Hello, Jenny.

Listen... 28 year-old woman seeks a cuddly guy.

She says she likes long walks and cozy nights at home.

- Hello. - Hi.

- I see you're drinking white wine? - Yes.

I'll also have that...

A glass of white.

My daughter thought I should wear the white striped one.

- I see. - What are you reading?

A book...

It feels a little strange meeting like this... You know...

No... It's not so strange meeting...

We don't have to talk about it, we can just talk.

What do you do otherwise, besides long walks and cozy nights at home?

- Nothing else. - Me neither. I do nothing.

You take snuff?

No, I... I think it's cool when girls take snuff.

- Do you? - Yes... Can I...?

- You take snuff? - No, but I'll show you something.

- A magician? - I'm a little nervous, but...

But I think it'll work.

No...

Jesus...

- That's disgusting! - Oh, sorry.

Excuse me, can I have a napkin?

I've always done it, but it works better since my mouth has grown.

- How clever! - Thanks. Can you do it?

No, I can do this. Crazy...

I can do this as well which is really funny.

You maybe... Be careful...

No. Almost...

- Hello... You're Jacob, right? - Yes.

I'm Lena.

- What? Are you sure? - Yes. We were meant to meet here.

You were going to be in jeans, a striped shirt and with a moustache.

Yes, that seems right.

- We could maybe do it another time? - Listen, I...

Take care.

- I'm really sorry. - I didn't understand that it was...

...one of these...

You know what? I'm getting up early tomorrow, so I'm going to go up and...

- Maybe we could meet another time? - I'll be here tomorrow.

- Nice meeting you. - Likewise.

- Jacob. - Jessica.

Good night.

- You fuck her? - Cut it out, I'm a serious guy.

Yes, but... I'm a serious...

Fucking is serious. If I didn't have Agneta, I'd show you how.

You know the secret of getting a woman? A good carpet and curtains.

When they see that it signals security. And they open up right away.

- Lasse, you're... A shaggy carpet? - Yes, that's what it's about.

- Hi, Benny. Nice! - Thanks.

What? Shaggy... just shaggy...

Hi, all... What's it called... I'd like to...