The Suite Life on Deck

Hey, buddy. Just thought I'd come in and check on you.

Need anything?

Yeah.

A better mattress. This one has a giant butt hollow.

I was talking to Cody.

All right, come on, buddy, get up. Just because you broke up with Bailey

doesn't mean you can stay in bed the rest of your life.

He's gone.

I was wondering why the weeping stopped.

I was worried he cried so much, he became dehydrated and passed out.

I mean, not worried enough to get up and check on him, but...

Well, we are docked in Monte Carlo.

I just hope he's out there somewhere letting his hair down.

Brothers, let us induct the newest member of our circle.

Welcome, brother Cody. And...

- Hey, look. A note from Cody. - What's it say?

"Dear friends, the pain of my breakup with Bailey..."

What are you doing?

Reading it in Cody's voice. Nailed it.

Just give me that.

"Dear friends, the pain of my breakup with Bailey is too much to bear,

so I have sworn off girls forever

and gone to live out the rest of my days in a non-religious sanctuary

with the brotherhood of the hooded brothers."

Are you kidding me?

You sound nothing like Cody.

"In order to heal and focus on higher things,

I have chosen to give up all of my earthly possessions."

- Wow. - I know. Think about what this means.

- Dibs on his laptop! - I get his clock radio!

What is that, some kind of donkey call?

Just because you have donkey teeth doesn't mean you have to sound like one.

It's not a donkey call. It's me being sad.

Ugh. Don't tell me you're not over Cody yet.

We only broke up 10 hours ago.

Exactly. Move on, sister.

But how? What do you do to get over a guy who broke your heart?

Oh, simple, I have daddy's private army storm into the guy's house

and rip out his...

I mean, go shopping.

I can't afford to go shopping.

Wow, that make me wanna cry.

Well, if we're gonna help you get through this,

we need to talk to an expert on failed relationships.

Hi, miss Tutweiller.

Hi, girls.

We need your expertise.

Oh, I'm flattered. What can I help you with?

History, geography, world politics?

Being dumped.

Hey, I'll have you know that right now I am in a loving, committed relationship

with a wonderful, thoughtful...

Okay, so much for that. How can I help you?

Cody and I broke up last night.

Oh, Bailey, I'm so sorry.

You and Cody were perfect for each other.

I know, right?

- Oh, breakups are so sad! - I know.

London, why are you crying?

Because I'm stuck on a boat with you people!

Ah, brother Cody,

I see that you are moved by the story of our founder brother Cornelius

and his legendary battle with the phone company.

No. This book is bound with leather,

which comes from cows,

which live on farms,

which of course reminds me of...

Wheat, which makes bread,

which is used in sandwiches,

which sometimes Bailey eats for lunch if she doesn't have a soup or a salad.

I miss her so much!

And let me guess, the paper reminds you of trees,

which have bark, and Bailey loved puppies.

She was so special.

I'll never find another girl who loves puppies.

Brother Cody, you came here to forget that evil woman.

Let your mind be cleared of her through hard work.

Let the water you mop away represent the tears of your sadness.

Okay, I'll give it a try.

Brother Cody,

ha-ha, get your wails out now,

because when the bell rings,

everyone enters a period of complete and utter silence.

- Okay, I understand. - Okay.

Right about now would be a good time for that bell to ring.

Hey, Zack, doesn't Cody's sweater vest look great on me?

It looks great on half of you.

You know, Cody being gone will affect the grade curve,

which could bump me up from "hopeless" to "needs improvement."

Oh, that reminds me,

I have a book report on war and peace due on Monday

and I needed Cody to do it.

Maybe you should try writing it yourself.

You think this is the sanctuary?

No.

I think this ancient stone building in the middle of nowhere is a bowl-a-Rama.

Greetings, travelers. What do you seek?

A Lane for two, please.

And I'm gonna need a seven, triple-wide.

Hey, we're here to see Cody Martin.

I'm afraid brother Cody is unavailable.

Hey, wait!

What?

Look, I just need Cody for a little help with a book report on war and peace.

Have you tried reading it?

Good one, friar yuck. Have you seen the size of this thing?

This is a cinder block.

That Leo toy-story was a real windbag.

Well, that may be, but I'm afraid that only members of the brotherhood

are admitted inside the sanctuary walls.

Well, and of course Vito the pizza guy.

By the way, two more minutes and it's free.

You're gonna love girls' night.

I'm gonna tell you all the ways I get over a nasty breakup.

I didn't even know they had cabins this far below the fuel tanks.

I thought the only things they had down here were storage and rats.

Oh, rats aren't a problem.

What did you do, get a new cat every time you got dumped?

Maybe.

You must have, like, 30 cats.

Right, because there aren't any more in the cat room.

This isn't the cat room?

Okay, who would like a cookie?

- Oh, sorry. - Oh, no.

No, no. You can...

Ugh. This bald cap is itchy.

I could have used a bald cap?

Dang it.

Good day, brothers.

- Hey. - Stop it.

There's Cody. Come on, grab a broom.

- Cody. - Oh, no.

What are you guys doing here?

We've come to rescue you.

I even brought you a little something to read on your way back.

Hope you enjoy it.

Really looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

I don't need to be rescued.

And I've already read war and peace.

Of course you have.

It's...

It's...

One of the world's greatest epic novels detailing the events

leading up to Napoleon's invasion of Russia,

as seen through the eyes of five wealthy families.

Whoa, whoa, slow down. Are there two or three P's in "Napoleon"?

Just go. I'm never gonna get over Bailey.

Besides, I wanna stay here with my brothers.

These guys are all your brothers?

Wow, your mom must have really kept trying for that girl.

Seriously? You're not leaving?

I'm afraid that none of you are leaving.

What? You can't keep us here.

I'm not trying to keep you here, trust me.

No, see, our sanctuary is built on a tidal island.

The pathway is only accessible during low tide one day a week.

So you're stuck here.

- No way. - Way.

Don't worry. Time flies when you're doing chores with your brethren.

Chores?

Nothing major, you know, sorting books, serving soup,

washing our soiled robes.

That's it. We're out of here.

Newbies.

Well, at least you didn't get your hair wet.

Now one of the best ways to get over someone who hurt you

is to cut their face out of all your photos.

Oh, wow.

What did you do with all of them?

They make great kitty litter.

Okay, now did you bring pictures of you and he-who-shall-not-be-named?

Voldemort?

- She means Cody. - Oh.

And yes, I brought all of our scrapbooks.

Great. Then let's start cutting.

Ah! Moseby never lets me use big-girl scissors.

- Oh, right, right, right. - Aw...

This is crazy. You can only leave this island once a week?

By land. I do have a dinghy.

But my dinghy has a leak.

What's he laughing about? It's true. I have a leaky dinghy.

Woody, what do you think a dinghy is?

A small rowboat. Why?

Okay, I'm not staying on an island for one week with no girls.

Then swim, because I came here for some peace and quiet,

and you two clowns...

Oh, is that the dinner bell?

Hope we're having sloppy Joes. I love me some sloppy Joes.

No? Not sloppy Joes.