Melissa & Joey

"Melissa and Joey" is recorded in front of a live studio audience.

Why are you in exercise clothes?

I was exercising.

No, seriously, was everything else dirty?

I just did the cardi-yoga class in the park down the street.

Was that some kind of court-ordered punishment?

Can't someone just exercise because it's good for them?

All right, all right, Miss Eyebrow.

A couple of weeks ago at a charity auction,

I paid for a ten-course gourmet meal

at the uber trendy restaurant 13 Tables.

My plan is to savor every bite totally guilt-free

because I will have burned off all the calories in advance.

Actually, that's pretty clever.

Hey, this is more than just a pretty picture.

13 Tables, that's the restaurant

with celebrity chef what's-his-name?

Yeah, Malcolm Sunderland.

Oh, just saying his name makes my mouth water.

And isn't his place famous for its flaming cheese?

Yes, they have cheese and fire.

I mean, it's like a Las Vegas show for your mouth.

And Joe and I get to enjoy a romantic dinner

at the chef's table right inside the kitchen.

Wow, they let you sit in the kitchen?

Maybe for another $200,

he'll let you wash the dishes.

It's Chef Sunderland, okay?

I would pay to lick those dishes.

Mel, what is up?

I was just running by the park and I saw you

standing there with a bunch of strangers

doing some half-ass jumping jacks.

Those are jumping jills, and jumping is optional.

Yeah, then I saw you take a nap.

Oh, that's savasana.

It's my favorite part.

You know what's not the best exercise?

Sleeping.

You guys look like a bunch of civil war re-enactors in lycra.

Why are you guys all giving me

a hard time about exercising?

I'm not. I'm actually giving you a hard time

about hiring some stranger to be your trainer

when you could've hired the same amazing trainer that I use.

You know?

Me.

Thanks for the offer.

No no, seriously. Come on.

This could be another fun couple's activity

that we could do together, you know?

Finding new and interesting ways

to raise our heart rates until we're both

grunting and sweating like animals.

Okay, that's my cue to leave.

Wait, I thought you wanted us to get together.

Yeah, but I didn't want a front-row seat.

Look, Joe, I just think it's a good idea

to keep our personal lives

and our exercise lives separate.

What? Why?

Because I don't want you seeing me

all sweaty and nasty.

Too late for that, baby.

All right, seriously. Just give me a running start.

Melissa and Joey 3x20 - Feel the Burn Original air date February 5, 2014

Mel, look, you can hire

whoever you want as your trainer.

- Okay? - Oh, may I?

But you're making a mistake.

- I'll learn to live with that. - All right, fine.

- I'll drop it. - Great.

- After I make one last point. - Okay, see,

this is not dropping it.

This is throwing it... ping... in my face.

I'm just saying, I've been spending years

developing an amazing exercise program, okay.

I know what works because...

well, because here are two reasons, okay?

One...

And, uh, two...

That's not as hot as you think it is.

Look, I'm just saying I know what works on me

because I'm hard working and I'm dedicated,

but it would really be interesting to see

if it worked on somebody who was almost completely sedentary.

But... but who... who... who makes that

look very sexy.

You know, this system of yours, do you have a name for it?

- Let me guess. - No no, don't try and guess,

okay, because it's taken me, like, years to come up with

the perfect name.

Longo Fit?

Did you peek in my diary?

You keep a diary?

No.

Look, Joe, I'm happy with my class in the park with my friends.

Okay, I'm sure it's not as intense as yours.

And I know you do a great job,

but, just, I like having fun.

Oh oh, I see.

So you don't think that doing something with me

as a couple would qualify to you as fun.

- I didn't mean that. - It's what you said, isn't it?

Oh, come on.

Don't look so sad.

- Let me punch you in the stomach. - No.

Don't try and cheer me up.

Zander: You really think someone's gonna shell out real money

for our little web series?

Absolutely.

But we won't know for sure until we hit send.

Whoa, okay, you know...

it's just that sending it off to be judged

by the editors of the world's coolest websites...

That make you nervous?

Nope.

Oh, you did it. You just...

you just did it. You just hit send.

It'll be okay.

All right, it was time to send our baby out into the world.

Okay, yeah, you're right.

You know, I just feel really good about this.

Are you talking about our web show

or us being back together?

All of it.

Aw, look at you lovebirds.

You would never know that one of you

is about to fly far far away

to art school in Vermont.

Oh, 700 miles from here. But you know what?

You are doing the right thing,

enjoying it while you can.

Hey, were you serious the other day

when you said you could do a better job

teaching my exercise class?

Absolutely. Any time. I'm your man.

Okay. Everybody, come on.

What is this?

Well, our regular teacher had a little...

A bench-warrant-for-arrest thingy.

- Say what? - Well, it turns out,

some of his clients' amazing results

were due in part to him performing

liposuction without a license.

Wow, we've gotten to that point

where you can't even trust strangers in the park anymore.

Hey, everybody. This is Joe.

- Women: Hey. - Joe: Hey.

- Find a spot. - Wait, what? Why... why...

why did you bring them to me?

Well, they're dressed and ready for class.

I figured why not give Joe Longo a shot as a trainer.

Thank you. Hey, this means a lot to me.

Uh, ladies, okay.

Welcome to Longo Fit.

Well, look, um, this class is not gonna be easy,

but I promise you, you are all gonna have

- an awesome time. - Oh, go Longo Fit!

See ya.

Wait wait wait.

Aren't you gonna stay and work out?

Well, yeah, I'm gonna work out.

Just... it's time for my morning savasana.

Mel, um, it's not exactly

a ringing endorsement of my class

if you don't stay.

I mean, it would just...

mean the world to me if you would be here.

Okay, if you're gonna play the guilt card,

I guess I could be your voluptuous spokesmodel.

Okay, here we go, ladies.

Get ready.

This is gonna be insanely fun.

You are here because you are weak.

Uh...

Who said you could stop?

I can't do anymore.

Wrong answer.

Sergeant Longo tells you

when you can and can't do anymore.

Hey, Serge, how about a water break?

Fine. Water break, everybody.

30 seconds.

Hey, water only. No snacks.

No yapping.

This is so cool.

Yeah, fantasy come true for some...

actually, just you.

Hey, Mel, you know what?

I think Longo Fit could really be a business.

Yeah, maybe, you know,

if you ease up a little bit.

What? Come on.

These women love what I'm doing.

I thought child birth hurt.

You're killing her.

She's fine.

Yo, walk it off!

All right, ladies, we're back in.