The Simpsons

*THE SIMPSONS*

Season 34 Episode 08 Aired on: November 20, 2022.

Episode Title: "Step Brother From the Same Planet"

Everything here is made out of garbage.

Up cycling is at the very core of the modern maker movement.

It's very responsible.

Like these doggie chew toys made out of...

used retainers?

Ugh! Too responsible!

Hey, guys. You're craft fair fans, too?

Ew, no. We're doing a photo scavenger hunt

for Francine's birthday party.

We need a picture of something sad.

I wonder why I wasn't invited.

'Cause you're a party narc who ruins everybody's fun.

What? When have I ever done that?

You once deflated a bouncy house 'cause you smelled mildew.

You shut down a pool party

'cause the diving board wasn't code.

You stopped a barbecue

because the fire extinguishers were expired.

Okay, okay, I get it.

Basically, you're a wet blanket.

That's not true, she's more like a blanket

that tattles and kills all joy.

Ooh, that's sad.

Oh, what a beautiful little box.

I'll take this.

You'll need this polish.

It's my blend of secret ingredients,

including carnauba wax. That-that one's not a secret.

Okay, I'll take both.

I have to explain to the box

that it's going to live with you now.

Okay, baby, you're gonna go...

Are you seeing this?

Are you seeing that?

Man bun.

Pathetic old dude thinks death won't find him

if he has a freaky hair lump.

Stupid bun.

Homer, Marge!

You finally get to meet my special lady.

This is Blythe.

Special lady? Since when?

Oh. Oh, it's been almost six months.

And we're just hearing about it now?

What do you mean? I left you tons of messages.

I thought those were all butt-dials.

Homer, I've met someone...

I'm in lo...

Blythe and I are getting seri...

I fell out of the senior van and I'm lost...

How did you two meet?

I was hired by the Retirement Castle

to cleanse auras with a therapeutic sound bath.

But I don't want inner peace.

But when she started gongin' her gongs,

it felt like I stuck my tongue in love's power outlet.

Oh, wow.

As Abe vibrated past,

there was something inside him that called to me.

It was the bullet I fired into my foot during the war

to get out of KP duty.

We're not wasting any more time.

I'm moving in with her.

I finally found true love.

And I finally won't have to pay

for your retirement home.

You have so many chimes.

You're not going to miss any wind.

Ooh, this is my son Calvin.

Felicitous greetings on this day to you.

That's how this one guy talked in Star Trek

when they went to a Shakespeare planet.

It's how I'm saying hello these days.

Oh, uh, hello-eth to you.

What a charmer.

- How old is Calvin? - 11.

Hmm, so you had him when you were...

Oh, he's adopted.

Cute kid, but, man, my dad's gonna eat him alive.

Hey, there's my guy.

Wha?

Uppies!

He never gave me uppies.

Abe and Calvin love to cook for company.

Final looks on the plating, chef.

That one needs a sweep of balsamic, chef.

Nobody's refilled my water glass.

This restaurant would get zero Michelin tires.

Tonight we've made for you a roasted chicken

with apricot and fennel.

- Mmm. - How are we enjoying the first bites?

Hmm...

Well, I'm not getting fennel at all.

So that's a fail.

Don't be rude.

Shelf rat!

Well, they're both rodents, but this little dude

is a Sciuridae, or squirrel, if you prefer.

I'd prefer that it not stare into my soul

like it knows my sins.

Calvin does taxidermy. That's one of his pieces.

He's a rising star in the field. He takes classes with adults.

You can't even see the tire tracks

on this guy anymore.

Uhp, time for your glocky-drops, Abe.

Aw, that stuff makes me blinder than an umpire in a mineshaft.

You know the drill, commodore. Head back, eyes open.

Rain, rain.

Windshield wipers!

Here you go, sweetie.

We made that chestnut stuffing I know you love.

Abe, you're feeding the thermostat again.

D'oh! Damn glocky-drops!

Yo, our grandfather Abe Simpson moved out,

- but left his... - denture cup.

Do you have a lost and found?

Please say you don't have a lost and found.

Oh, Abe's moved out?

Well, his room is paid up for the next two weeks.

Uh, actually, I misspoke.

Um, Abe is still using the room. Using it like crazy.

We own this place for two whole weeks.

- Hmm. - We can take a shower in a chair,

- flush the toilet a million times... - Interesting.

Oh, you're gonna tell Mom and Dad about this, aren't you?

Nope, this is one whistle I'm not gonna blow.

Instead, what if we used this room

to throw the greatest slumber party ever?

No rules, no limits,

and, dare I say it, no slumbering.

Tell me more.

Also, that kid is not that good of a cook.

There's such a thing as chicken being

too tender and juicy, you know?

Our wood is really loving this carnauba stuff.

And what kind of kid does taxidermy?

Dead animals are meant to be

poked with a stick, end of story.

Homer, you've been complaining about Calvin for three days.

Why are you so obsessed with him?

What? I don't think about him at all.

But did you notice how he asked to be excused?

That speaks to a guilty conscience.

And another thing.

Why is my tongue swelling up?

What is this rash?

Oh, my gosh.

You must be having an allergic reaction to the carnauba wax.

Well, stop using it!

I-I've rubbed it into the floors, the windows.

Every wood surface in the house has been carnauba'd!

It'll take weeks to dissipate!

But where do I go to breathe?

Yay, you're here.

I was putting up glow-in-the-dark stars.

I'll let you distribute the other half,

since you're kind of like my brother now.

Brother? I'm a grown man.

Half? This is barely a third. No fair!

Dad!

Okay, Harry Potter chapter read, pillow fluffed...

Scary German puppet turned to face the wall.

Uh-huh.

And now, a good-night kiss.

Mmm...

Watch your feet!

Night, Calvin.

Psst. Homer. Want to play 20 questions?

Okay. Question number one: Shut up.

You're funny.

We should go out on our bikes tomorrow.

I know this place by the nuclear plant that has the best jumps.

Oh, wait. Did you bring your bike?

I don't have a bike, I have a car.

And I don't play at the nuclear plant,

I work there because I am a grown-up.

Abe says I'm mature for my age.

When we check in at a restaurant,

he gives the host my name,

so I'm practically a grown-up, too.

No, you're not. You're a pants-wetting baby.

That is patently untrue.

I have excellent bladder control.

If anything, I hold it in too long.

Pants-wetting baby!

Stop lying!

You threw that zipper-first!

My orrery! Eat gas giants!

I'll give you a gas giant!

Stop squirming and let me fart...

- No! - ...on your head!

Never!

Ow!

I welcomed you into my home,

my room, where I keep my artifacts.

But you, sir, are a butt brain!

From here on out, it's war.