We Love You, Sally Carmichael!

Subtitles by explosiveskull

This is Clara Forester for ABC4 News.

And we're now mere moments away

from the historic worldwide release of "Crashing Tide,"

the third installment of the wildly popular Siren saga from Sally Carmichael.

Today, the young-adult series that chronicles an epic love story

between a young woman and a merman

has sold over 90 million copies worldwide,

and this installment is expected to put that number

well over 100 in a matter of days.

Once again, the response from critics has been brutal.

The New York Times said Crashing Tide was, at best, juvenile,

at worst, the very worst.

Meanwhile, Sally Carmichael, the series' notoriously private author,

hasn't responded to any criticism,

as her identity remains clouded in mystery.

Rumored to be a Mormon wife and mother living right here in Utah,

the elusive writer has never granted a single interview

or made any kind of public appearance.

- Andie, hurry. - Sorry, Mom.

Well, with the release of this new novel

and the Siren movie adaptation in the works,

there appears to be no end to Sally Carmichael in sight.

We love you, Sally Carmichael!

We need to kill Sally Carmichael.

Have you seen the first day's numbers? Hmm?

2.5 million units in one day?

You don't kill an author with those numbers.

Okay. But think of the publicity if we kill her.

How many books would that sell? Huh?

You know, that's actually interesting.

Okay. Okay.

So we kill her after the seventh book once your contract is up.

No. I cannot write four more Merman books.

- I cannot. - Okay.

- I do not have it in me. - Okay. Well, I'm sorry.

But a contract is a contract. There's nothing we can do about it.

You're my publishers. It is your contract.

You can do whatever you want with it.

Just an expression.

I'm sorry. I don't understand.

I thought the whole idea of inventing Sally Carmichael

was so that you could write whatever you want under your name.

Yes. But I've been writing as Sally for so long,

I'm having a really hard time writing anything else.

Please, please kill Sally

before she sucks away what is left of my soul.

See, that right there, that flair for the dramatic, it works.

Look, we didn't come here to talk about killing Sally Carmichael, okay?

Look at me. We came...

to talk about Perry Quinn, ah!

I-I don't understand. What about Perry Quinn?

He's interested in the movie.

Perry Quinn is interested in being the Merman?

- I know. - He's at least ten years too old.

- That's ridiculous. - It's Hollywood.

Oh. Oh, that's ridiculous?

How about a little movie based on the Six Flags ride about the Cavemen?

Uh-huh. And how about three sequels and $3 billion!

How's that for ridiculous? Huh?

Yeah. Yeah. That's ridiculous.

Think before you speak.

Just one thing. Perry wants to meet Sally.

There is no Sally.

He knows that, and he's excited

to meet the visionary who created this entire phenomenon.

No. No way.

- -Okay. Well, of course we can't force you to do it.

But we can sue you if you don't.

That's right. We can sue.

What are you talking about? You can't sue me.

That's not part of my contract,

and you can't tell anyone who I am.

Well, we're not going to.

Perry is willing to sign a non-disclosure.

Randall from Legal has been going over your agreement. Randall?

Your contract states that we have to protect your anonymity,

but you're responsible for the actions on your part that can harm...

- Has he been here this whole time? - Shh.

Considering Quinn's willingness to sign a non-disclosure, it's a reasonable request.

Your refusal to meet with him would constitute a significant loss

of potential revenue for the film series.

And that would be actionable.

Okay. Bye, Randall. Thank you.

So, I'm sorry, I'm afraid we can't let you not meet Perry Quinn.

Fine. Sue me.

I've hardly spent any of my Merman money anyway.

Oh, no, no. We're talking about a lot more than your Merman money.

- Oh, yeah? How much more? - Oh, a lot more.

Plus, with a lawsuit like this, I mean,

you know, there's no way the media isn't going to discover

that you're Sally Carmichael.

You... I'm...

You flew all the way out here to threaten me?

Oh, no, no. No, no.

Threat is not the right word at all.

We came out here because we care about you

and we want you to know what will happen

if you don't meet with Perry. Ooh!

What is this?

Ah, it's an address of a local bookstore. 3:00 p.m. tomorrow.

Ask for I-sambard.

I-sambard? I was gonna say Is-ambard.

- Is-ambard? - I've only seen it written down.

- Is it Turkish? - Who is Isambard?

Oh, Perry is a bit eccentric.

Just, whatever he wants, just do it his way.

To avoid a lawsuit.

It's so true.

- I'm just kidding. - Anyway...

But, you know...

- Hey. Can I help you? - Oh.

Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you.

- I'm Tess. - Hi. Simon.

- I knew it. - You knew what?

Don't worry. I'm not a stalker or anything.

This is my bookstore. You did a reading here years ago for Crossing Through.

Yeah, yeah. I remember, but I don't remember anyone being here.

I was here.

I was here anyway, 'cause I work here.

But I read your book, and I loved it.

You did? And...

I'm sorry. You did?

Yes. And yes. Yes.

Um, you working on anything now?

Um, sort of.

Can you tell me about it?

- Not really. - Come on. One spoiler.

Well...

let's just say I'm trying to figure out a way to kill someone off,

but I think I'm stuck.

Well, good luck or

break a leg, whatever it is you say to writers.

Yeah, thank you.

So can I help you find anything?

Oh. Um, maybe. I'm looking for...

This is gonna sound ridiculous. I'm looking for Isambard.

Is that a book or an author?

It's a person.

It's a work thing. I'm supposed to meet someone here.

Oh. Well, you know, there are a whole bunch of chairs in the back.

You're welcome to hang out as long as you want.

And if anyone named Isambard walks through the door,

I will know what to do.

Well, thank you very much.

My pleasure, Simon Hayes.

- Excuse me. - Yeah. Just...

- Just back there. - Oh. Thank you.

Truly loving someone means truly accepting that person.

Yeah. Like, this Alexander really a person, though?

Yeah. Of course he is.

You know, he's a merman, but he's still a man.

- You here for the book club? - Hey. Come on in.

Take a seat, my brother. Come on.

Welcome. Hmm.

No.

Come on. Take a seat.

Good times ahead.

Thank you.

Alexander gives up everything for Sarah.

- Everything. - Everything.

Yeah. For sure.

Meanwhile, I can't even get Craig to meet my parents.

Shh, stop.

You know, falling in love with a merman is actually a metaphor for eternal marriage.

- See that? - I read it in an article.

- Where? - Online.

- Interesting. Online. - Yes.

If Sarah's love for Alexander was strong enough,

- she could breathe water. That's true. - Yeah, right.

I feel that.

So you think fins on men are hot?

Mmm-hmm. Yeah. Hot like in that red flag sort of way, like, "What?"

When you're surrounded by a school of sharks

and you need find someone to help you fight them off,

I mean, then let me know if you still think that's a red flag.

- Yeah. I got you. - Hey. Spoilers.

I'm only on page 207. So, please, shut up.

You've had two days. The spoiler embargo is over.

Yeah. How have you not finished this book? I couldn't put it down.

How long do you think it takes

to build something so manly yet so beautiful at the same time?

Seriously, it's awesome, bro.

- It really is. - Yeah. Uh, uh, uh, uh.

I've got two words for you. Merman abs.

- I know. Thank you. - We live on land,

but our bodies are mostly water. Think about it.

Sally Carmichael, it's like she was writing about my life and me.

Or at least what my life could've been like if I fell in love with a merman.

- Yeah. - Oh, come on.

Hey, what's your problem, man?

Sure must be easy judging something

that you don't even know anything about.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Good one. - I know.

All right. Do you wanna know why you feel like

this book could be written about you?

Because it could be written about anybody.

The main character is an empty shell.

Have you even noticed those books don't provide any real description