Loafing and Camouflage (Λούφα και Παραλλαγή)

GREEK-BULGARIAN BORDER, APRIL 15th 1967

All yours!

Charge!

You're great with your scope, Papadopoulos!

Yeah, O.K...

I read you...

Rabbit stew...

Piss off... Over and out...

Papadopoulos!

- Is it boiling? - What are you offering?

Message from HQs... Report there with all your gear...

- Let's eat first! - You'll eat where you're going!

My transfer came? I'll be damned!

What's gotten into him?

Watch out world!

My overcoat!

- What about this? - Keep it to remember me by!

You greenhorn! They'll have your ass down there!

And your asses will freeze up here!

Eighteen plus one days left!

Engineer Batallion? What have I got to do with them?

Don't ask me. Ask your connection!

- And where is this batallion? - In Athens... Waiting for you!

Athens?

Are you putting me on, Sarge?

And ten days additional service.

To remember us by...

For unauthorised use of ammunition!

LOAFING AND CAMOUFLAGE

- What is this for, soldier? - That's all I got.

- Keep your money! - Thanks, friend.

How many more days left?

Five hundrend and six plus one!

You got a long way to go!

Caterina... It's me...

I'm in Athens!

No, I've got to report in my new unit...

How are the babies?

It's not my fault, honey...

Come now, Caterina...

I'll call you from there...

- Halt! Who goes there... - Buzz off, buddy!

When I say "who goes there", you're supposed to stop!

Corporal! A soldier at the gate!

What the hell you want?

I've got orders to report here.

Welcome...

Let me have a look...

- You are...? - Papadopoulos, Yannis.

Report properly!

Private Papadopoulos Ioannis, Infantry, Rifleman.

Why did they send you here? You don't know? Fine!

Caramazov, take him in.

- But I'm on duty. - Go!

Don't pull a fast one on me!

You'll wait till Staff Sergeant wakes up.

Hi Tovaritch Caramazov.

- What sort of unit is this? - I know nothing, ask the others.

- Your name is really Caramazov? - Caramanos is my name!

Guard! A new one!

Hi, old-timer!

- What time is reveille here? - Any time now.

- Yannaki! - You here?

Son of a bitch, you did it!

Look who's here!

What's going on?

Did they transfer the entire Hollywood here?

What are you all doing here?

He doesn't know where he is!

Army Film Unit... And we just started TV!

The Staff-Sergeant!

What TV?

Good morning, sir.

Who are you?

Private Papadopoulos Ioannis, Infantry, rifleman!

- You're a cinematographer? - Yes.

- Yes, what? - Yes, sir!

- Report at inspection! - Yes, sir!

- Caramanos! - Your orders, sir!

- What are you doing here? - I was on sentry duty, sir!

- To the kitchen! - Yes, sir!

A new one... You'll be happy here!

Ceylon tea! Come and get it! Hungry bastards!

Come on, move it!

Caramazov, we're running out of jam... Watch it!

- Hi, buddy! - Piss off, slob!

- We're hungry, aren't we? - A little...

A cigarette?

Don't you smoke?

We smoke the same brand.

That's for later... with the coffee...

A light?

Balourdos! To the Motor Pool, fast!

We'll get along great the two of us, right?

I have the honour to report 35 present, sir...

Absent but accounted for 5! On report 3!

Except those on report, at ease!

Private Caramanos Mihail, pioneer-designer!

I have the honour to present a personal problem, sir!

They put me on kitchen police and sentry duty all the time!

Well done!

Private Papadopoulos Ioannis, Infantry rifleman!

I request a 48 hour pass for family reasons, sir!

- You've just got here! - I've got to see my wife, sir!

You shouldn't have married so young, Papadopoulos!

Private Balourdos Panayotis, Engineer's driver...

I request a five day leave for farming reasons!

- Since when are you a farmer? - My father breeds animals, sir!

I can see that!

Shut up!

- What do you need the leave for? - The goats are giving birth, sir!

- Has he served his last penalty? - No, sir.

Two days additional service for improper appearance...

and ten days confinement to quarters for bad conduct!

"ELECTIONS!"

Boys, forget all leaves!

Why?

Elections are coming!

- What about that coffee? - Coming up!

Let me pinch you a little!

Boys! You are all screwed... AWOL!

- Didn't I tell you to report us? - I'm not your servant!

What's going on here?

- Who's that? - Papadopoulos. You know.

So, you're Papadopoulos!

The name rings a bell!

Leave the boy alone, you fruitcake!

Out of here, all of you!

And three days confinement for all present!

And who are you?

Private Papadopoulos Ioannis, Infantry rifleman...

- Where are you from? - From Filiatra, sir.

Any relation to Col. Papadopoulos?

No, Colonel sir!

Report to the Colonel immediately!

I don't want to see you again here during duty hours! Go!

Who are these people?

Singers... Musicians... Critics...

And what are they doing here?

It's what they call... "Sponsored programmes"...

Private Papadopoulos Ioannis...

I've got your record here...

Conduct rather bad...

25 days additional service... 42 days confinement...

And your political beliefs, unfortunately questionable...

I tried hard to have you transferred to Athens...

But if you cause even the slightest problem...

I'll send you back where you came from... Is that clear?

- Yes, colonel sir! - Stop repeating my rank!

Catsambelas... Come here, please...

They say, that you are a good cameraman...

I hope you'll make good here...

shooting military activities and entertainment programmes...

for our experimental television station.

Your orders, sir!

Take Papadopoulos and brief him on our activities...

If I had forty goats and forty sheep...

- What are you doing there? - Personal laundry, sir!

During duty hours? Three days confinement!

- Who's in the dark room? - Triantafyloy. He's unloading!

Five days confinement to both of you!

We have at our disposal super modern developing machines...

all of them designed and fabricated in U.S.A.

The presence of this multinational mobile service...

in this crucial area...

proves the solidarity of the NATO nations...

as well as their readiness against any threat...

Where you said "any threat"...

Make it "communist threat, internal or external".

Take from the top!

The people expressed their enthusiasm for the royal visit...

With cheers for the Crown and the Army...

the people welcomed the Royal Couple...

who proceeded to the town square...

and led the colorful local dances.

I have explicitly forbidden smoking in the editing room!

But you don't give a damn!

Five days confinement! And I'm being lenient!

But the new material is not inflamable, sir!

Talking back, eh? Shut up, you insolent scum!

Smoking in the presence of His Majesty! The pariah!

Carry on, boy!

As you see, our facilities are constantly improving...

and, shortly, they'll reach European standards...

What are you doing here, son?

The lighting panel, sir.

Caramanos is a graduate of the Technical Institute...

of Tashkent... Russia!

A fine example of a Greek scientist...

who escaped communism to serve his country.

But, sir, I'm on kitchen and latrine duty all the time!

There are no discriminations in the Army, Caramanos!

Even if you're a scientist, you'll be cleaning shit!

That's the meaning of military service...

everywhere in the civilized world!

Do you feel anything?

Your big foot, asshole!

Do you realize that your role is hundrend per cent erotic?

I do...

Have you ever made love?