Night Court

-Must be a glitch in the system.

We got thrown a bunch of extra cases.

-No, I asked for those on purpose.

Now that Jake and I are over, I thought I'd turn my attention

back to my first love.

Lance Bass?

-Okay, second love -- Lady Justice.

She'd never tell me bye bye bye.

-Well, we can say bye bye bye to ever getting out of here.

Flobert, bring in the rest of the files!

Oh, oh.

Sorry, that was my phone ringing.

I have to take this.

Hello. To continue in English, press one.

Para continuar en Espanol, oprima dos.

-Okay, let's start our never-ending night.

The People versus Alex White and Penny Kristoff.

They are charged with trespassing while skydiving.

-Your Honor, Ms. Kristoff has decided to defend herself,

so technically, Mr. White is my client.

Could you guys "veh-veh-veh"?

-These two are charged with trespassing

when they landed on Gracie Mansion

after a mid-air breakup took them wildly off-course.

-Maybe don't use the "B" word in front of you-know-who?

-I prefer the term kicked to the curb.

Nope, love vomited.

She got love vomited.

-Guys, I'm fine. This is nothing like my breakup.

Jake would never jump out of a plane.

Coward.

Proceed.

-My client proposed while skydiving

and was rejected.

-After we jumped, my life flashed before my eyes,

and he wasn't in it.

-Is it because you met someone else?

Is it that guy strapped to your back?

-Your Honor, this relationship was doomed from the jump.

And I beg you to remain impartial,

even considering your recent...love vomiting.

$50 fine. Let's take a five.

And thank you for your concern, Mr. Fielding,

but no one needs to worry about me.

I am Jake'ing just fine.

Doing just Jake.

I be good.

-Well, I guess we don't have to worry about her.

She seems to be handling things all right.

See? I told you. Totally fine.

She's single.

-Hey! I found you more extra work.

They need a substitute judge in...Buffalo.

Court or wing-eating contest?

Please say both.

-Before you drive north to a place that's somehow the south,

have you considered a rebound?

You know, do something crazy with someone dangerous.

You know they're bad for you,

mm, but the attention feels so good.

Did somebody order a me?

You got me an escort?

I don't have the resources to "Pretty Woman" this guy.

-No! This is my friend Sam. We met at the gym.

He's a personal trainer who somehow drives a Maserati.

Oh, he is an escort.

-Thanks, Sam, but I think I'm going to stick

with throwing myself into work.

That is a nice car, so I'm sure you're very good at what you do.

I also own a boat.

Bye, Sam.

How is my girl holding up?

Your girl?

I don't think we've ever made eye contact.

Unless you count that time in the bathroom

when our eyes met through the crack in the stall door.

-What can I say? I-I feel a connection to you.

I too know the cruel sting of rejection.

From what losers have told me.

You'll get through this, but you can't do it alone.

-Please say you're not inviting me to an orgy.

I am.

An orgy of empowerment. No, it's a support group,

a community of women who -- who are like-minded

and who boost each other up.

-How strict are you on the whole "woman" part?

Because I recently realized my friend group is mostly gigolos.

-Wyatt, you know, this is only for women

who are at a particularly low point in their lives.

But as we like to say, every moment is low

if tomorrow is higher.

-My brain doesn't get it, but, ooh, my heart does.

-There's gonna be a lot more of that at tonight's meeting.

Now, all you need to bring is an open mind.

And me. Uh, I would take an Uber,

but the drivers keep falling in love with me.

-So you said no to a rebound with Sam,

who has abs on his back.

But you might go to a women's group led by an ex-con?

-You said I needed to do something crazy

with someone dangerous.

What's crazier than going to a second location with Julianne?

Whoa, Dan, nice bag.

You look like a fashionable teen from Japan.

-Security confiscated my briefcase, gave me this.

Now everybody's gonna know I have Toblerone.

Better than this hunk of junk.

-Hey, what are you -- That's my briefcase.

-Oh, they gave it to me downstairs to hold my knives.

Hold your --

What is it with the security in this building?

Sometimes it's like Fort Knox.

Sometimes it's just a sign. "Frisk yourself."

-That sign's creating a lot of problems.

It's a mess down there ever since the Chief Bailiff quit.

You should have that job.

I mean, you're the most qualified bailiff here.

You keep me in line, and I am a real wild card.

A raise would be nice.

I'm wildly underpaid for the amount of naked people I tackle.

-Gurgs, go for it. There's a power vacuum.

Seize it! Ah, ah, together,

you and I shall rule this courthouse.

And we will drown our enemies

in a storm of fire and blood.

Sorry. I've been watching that dragon show on HBO.

Pretty sexy.

-They'll probably hire some fancy-ass college kid

who knows what to say in an interview.

-If you're worried about the interview, I can help you.

-Oh, me, too. No one has landed more jobs than I have.

I've been a lawyer, a clerk, and of course, a judge,

both here and for children's beauty pageants.

I have crushed dreams.

But honestly, a lot of little girls cannot dance.

-You know, if Flobert can get a million jobs, I can get one.

Let's do it. -Yes.

Oh, perfect! Yes!

You shall be Gurgs, mother of bailiffs.

I shall be Dan, skipper of security lines,

keeper of the briefcase.

I think that sexy dragon show has broken my brain.

Oh.

And he just dumped you?

I want to murder him. I've only known you 20 minutes,

and I can't imagine ever letting you out of my sight.

-Thank you. It is so nice to hear some positive words

in between the non-stop Adele I've been blasting.

-Well, look at you. The belle of the ball.

Julianne, you were so right.

This is just what I needed. These women are incredible.

And this cave-aged cheese is next level.

If I found food in a cave, I would never eat it.

Shows what I know.

-Get ready, because the best is yet to come.

Oh, ladies, it is so nice to have you all here tonight

sharing in our collective flame.

Now, as you know, we have a very special guest tonight.

One who we are all very excited about.

She's gorgeous, she smells amazing,

and she lasts longer than 40 hours.

-I don't know where she gets her information,

but that last part is way off.

-Say hello to our newest... candle,

Peaches and Clean.

You know, these are guaranteed to move,

so you grab your inventory and get out there and sell

like your membership to this group depends on it,

because it does.

-Wait, you tricked me. This isn't a self-help group.

It's a pyramid scheme.

Oh, it's both. More cheese?

-This is not what I signed up for. I'm so mad.

And not because I'm just now realizing the peaches

I've been smelling all night are not a delicious cobbler!

-So our resident ex-con is involved in a pyramid scheme.

Make sense. It's shady, but not illegal.

Like bringing a fork-and-knife meal to the movies.

-It's just so annoying, because before the candle stuff,

I was having a great time.

Those ladies made me feel so good about myself,

like a flattering dressing room mirror,

but sometimes that mirror sends you home

with a bag of mesh shirts.

-Wait, so you know the group is wrong for you,

but it felt so right.

Don't you see what this is? -Yeah, it's a problem.

Julianne won't let me in unless I sell candles,

which I don't want to do.

No, it's a rebound.

A non-sexual rebound, which is missing the whole point.

It's not a rebound.

It's just a fun, new relationship

that gives me emotional validation

during a vulnerable period

and -- okay, fine, it's a rebound.

-Maybe it's good Julianne won't let you back in,

because when it comes to rebounds,

you never go back for seconds.

I don't care if it's a hot guy with a Maserati