Kevin Can Wait

It's an owl.

I've never seen an owl.

Hey, Mr. Owl?

I'm not gonna hurt ya. Just wanna get a look at ya.

You gotta be kidding me!

Oh!

Oh, no!

Eh-Eh-Hey!

I know that face. Gable.

Dawson? You guys got here fast.

No, no, no. Sergeant Mendez wants to see you.

- Your wife said you'd be here. - Listen, uh,

I'm kind of in the middle of something here.

Yeah, a window. I can see that.

All right, come on. I'll take you down to the station.

Hey, uh, do me a favor.

Let's just keep this between us, okay?

Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.

Hey, babe.

Hey. What happened to your jacket?

Oh. I got into a little situation at work.

Were you trying to steal candy out of the vending machine again?

I wasn't stealing, all right? That machine wouldn't take my dollar.

Honey, you tipped it over.

I didn't tip it over. I kept feeding it in there.

And then finally when it did, the spring released,

and then the Doritos just got stuck and they were hanging there.

And I shoved it and I broke the sheet rock behind it.

- That's all. - I don't... Okay.

Well, they're gonna charge you for that.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure they're just gonna fire me.

- Oh, great. - Yeah.

Oh, and, uh, Sergeant Mendez called me and he, uh,

he wants me to go back undercover.

What? You're retired.

I know. But these guys are close to makin' a bust.

Remember those guys selling that counterfeit art?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, well, one of them's been asking about me.

So they need me to make an appearance.

They want the big dog to bark one more time.

Okay.

So wait, are you thinking about going back on the force?

No. It's just... It's one day like jury duty.

Jury duty can go on for months.

Not if you tell them you're a pirate.

You're out in one day.

- Okay. - Also good news...

It's not gonna affect me going to Mets Fantasy Camp.

Oh, good. I was worried.

Now you and your friends can go to Florida and pretend that

Mookie Wilson really wants to have a catch with you.

Hey, I paid extra for that, okay?

And I don't care if he's faking it or not.

It's Mookie Wilson.

Bored Mookie is still Mookie, okay?

- Okay. - Hi, guys.

- Hello, love. - Hi. Hi.

Chale... Whoa!

What is it? Picture day down at the unemployment office?

Well, actually, I can't get unemployment

because I've never had a job, so in your face.

He's dressed nice for a meeting, Dad.

This tech start-up wants to recruit him,

and it would be an amazing opportunity.

He'd have a real job and make great money.

Ah, well, I don't know if I'm taking it just yet.

No, no, I know. It's gotta be the right fit.

And, Chale, sweetie, I think what Kendra's trying to say for all of us

is you make it fit.

Even if you gotta force it, you just jam it in there. Yeah.

Wire him up. Good to see you, Gable.

Retirement looks good on you.

Lot of guys let themselves go.

- You're busting my chops, right? - 100%. You look like crap.

Hey, Officer Baskin-Robbins, warm up the hands.

It's like getting felt up by a dead body.

So what's the deal?

All we gotta do is find the location

of where the deal's going down and we're good.

Let Cellucci take the lead.

Cellucci?

You didn't tell me Cellucci's on this case.

'Cause you wouldn't have shown up.

Could be worse.

You could be stuck in a guard shack window with your ass hanging out.

Dawson showed you that picture?

Yeah, it's his screensaver.

There he is.

Hey, baby.

Oh.

It's been what? A year?

I was starting to think she traded you in for a new model.

Oh, no.

This one hit the lottery on the first spin.

More like a scratch-off when you...

When you win 5 bucks and you don't cash it in

- 'cause it ain't worth it. - Oh, yeah.

- But still you won. You did win. - Not really.

These two, huh?

Anyway, you guys doing any business in the area?

We have some potential buyers lined up.

Yeah, which is why we were thinking that maybe...

Domingo, I'm sorry.

What is that?

I see the two patties, but what's in between there?

Is that cheese or an egg? Both. With two hash browns on top.

- What? - Yeah.

Um, sweetheart. Domingo was about to tell us...

Now was that a special order or did you just...

Did you order that off the menu?

It's the breakfast burger. It's on the second page.

And the egg doesn't drip on your hands?

Nope, hash brown soaks it right up.

- Wow, that's thought out. - Okay.

- It's thought out. - All right. Okay.

- Are we done with the burger talk? - Yes, sorry.

Are we done? Okay.

So I'm sorry, please. Continue.

Uh, no problem. Actually, this week...

I'm sorry. I gotta stop... I gotta stop this.

You know what it is? I just...

I tried to go healthy, but it's just... It's not workin'.

I'm traveling and stuff. You know, I'm gonna start Monday.

I'll start Monday. Hey, waitress? Can I get...

- Honey, honey, honey, honey. - Huh?

You keep interrupting people, and they're trying to tell us

where they're going for the weekend.

And I wanna hear all about it,

but I will hear much better with the breakfast burger.

Two meals, one bun. I'll be locked on.

Okay, excuse me, waitress.

Could you fly in one of these for my husband?

I'll pay you a million dollars. Thanks so much. Okay. Sorry.

I like this guy. You know what it is about him?

He's got an appetite for life.

Yes, life. That's what he's been eating.

So, you were saying where you were going for the weekend.

Yeah, Boston. We're having a big art show this weekend.

Oh, Boston.

It's gonna be kind of nice. I thought maybe...

Excuse me.

Oh. Give me one second.

Sure.

What is it?

I thought you told me it was handled.

I'm sorry. We gotta run. It's business.

- Sorry, it's just... - No, no. Don't worry.

- But I'll see you guys soon. - Okay.

- Yes, you got it. - All right, bye.

- All right. - What is the matter with you?

What?

I am try...

I'm... I'm gonna eat around the bite marks.

No! I am trying to get information,

and you are yapping about your burger!

I'm trying to make things look natural.

It's called police work.

And what about you?

"Hey, can you tell us where your crime is going down?

"And if you wouldn't mind,

"speak into the tiny microphone in my blouse.

"That'd be super. I like it."

Come on.

- You got problems, you know that? - Oh, I got problems?

Yeah. I told you this was a bad idea.

It's a very good idea. I got us...

- All right, you have your own mic, - ..the information we need. Boston.

- stupid! Get over. - It's Boston.

You know what else I got?

I got two burgers, I got a vanilla malt, and a salad for my wife.

By the way, we got a pretty big tab out here,

so if you can run out a debit card.

I scoped out your rezzie, checked some refs,

noodled around on your app submish,

and I'm just gonna come out and say it...

I want you here at Nozzler.

Uh, I appreciate that, Parker, but, uh,

I am an entrepreneur myself...

and... I'm not sure that I would be comfortable

being a spoke in a wheel.

My dream is to be the wheel.

Hear it, respect it.

In fact, you know who said the same thing about six months ago?

Little dreamer named Parker Cohen. Yeah.

And now I'm about to take this baby public.

Oh, wow. That's amazing.

Yeah. And that's when we decide to break open

this 50-year-old bottle of scotch.

I don't wanna tell you how much I paid for it, but I'm gonna.

$27,000.

Oh, wow. That is a lot of money.

Yes, it is. So here's the offer.

Six figs, stock options, piece of everything we develop, plus...

We rent out Six Flags for our company retreat.

I do love the log flume.

And here, a little cinnamon on your breadstick.

A signing bonus.

$10,000?

What do you say, Chale?