Parks and Recreation

POTENTIAL PROBLEM.

THE PREVIOUS OWNER OF LOT 48,

NORQUIST PROPERTIES,

IS CLAIMING THE GOVERNMENT SCREWED THEM

BY ILLEGALLY SEIZING THE LAND.

- WELL, I KNOW ABOUT THIS ISSUE.

I CALLED THE CITY ATTORNEY LIKE 50 TIMES.

HE DIDN'T CALL ME BACK.

OH, DO YOU NEED A LAWYER?

BECAUSE MY FRIEND JUSTIN'S A LAWYER.

I'M SURE HE COULD HELP.

OH, THAT'D BE TERRIFIC.

YEAH, I'LL CALL HIM.

JUSTIN'S THE GREATEST GUY EVER.

- THE GREATEST GUY EVER?

- BUT DOES HE DRESS... THIS WELL?

BROOKS BROTHERS.

BOUGHT IT RIGHT OFF THE MANNEQUIN.

RON SWANSON?

THAT'S ME.

- MY NAME IS GEORGE MACFAYDEN.

I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE AMOUNT OF SNOW

IN THE PARKS.

- I'VE BEEN GETTING A LOT OF VISITORS RECENTLY,

THANKS TO A STUPID, WORTHLESS, NEW PUSH

TO MAKE GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS MORE ACCESSIBLE

TO THE PUBLIC.

- THERE IS A DISTURBING LACK OF BENCHES IN RAMSETT PARK!

I WANT TO SIT MORE!

AND ANOTHER THING I LIKE

IS THE LAYOUT OF THE HIKING TRAILS.

- I MADE THIS IN ONE OF YOUR POTTERY CLASSES.

IT'S TERRIBLE!

THIS IS MY HELL.

*

HEY.

HEY!

ALL RIGHT, SO TOM,

HERE'S YOUR CHICKEN CAESAR SALAD,

NO DRESSING, NO CHEESE, NO CROUTONS, NO TASTE.

AND NO CARBS.

AND FOR YOU, MADAME,

THE LESLIE KNOPE. - THANK YOU.

- I CANNOT BELIEVE THE CAFETERIA NAMED A SANDWICH AFTER YOU.

THAT IS SO COOL. - ISN'T IT?

SALAMI ON PUMPERNICKEL

WITH OLIVE JUICE AND EXTRA ICEBERG.

IT WAS THE ONLY SANDWICH ON THE BOARD THAT WASN'T NAMED.

I JUST WISH I LIKED IT.

- SO HOW ARE YOU FEELING ABOUT THE WHOLE DAVE SITUATION?

OH, I REALLY MISS HIM.

YEAH, I'M JUST TRYING TO ENJOY THE MEMORIES.

- AWW, THAT'S A SWEET PICTURE.

I KNOW, ISN'T IT?

I ASKED THE POLICE DEPARTMENT IF I COULD HAVE IT,

AND THEY SAID NO, SO I STOLE IT.

- I HAVE AN IDEA. WHY DON'T YOU LET ME SET YOU UP?

- OH, I DON'T KNOW. IT FEELS A LITTLE TOO SOON.

- I'M TELLING YOU, THIS IS THE BEST WAY TO GET OVER SOMEONE,

JUST GET BACK ON THAT HORSE.

YEAH, MAYBE.

I FEEL SORRY FOR LESLIE.

IT'S REALLY HARD TO END A RELATIONSHIP

BECAUSE OF DISTANCE.

ALTHOUGH THAT'S PRETTY MUCH WHY I BROKE UP WITH ANDY.

HE LIVED WAY TOO CLOSE TO ME.

- WOW, 12:15. YOU'RE EARLY TODAY.

- APRIL, THERE'S NO PAPER IN THE PRINTER.

SO?

- SO THAT'S THE ONE THING YOU DO.

ATTENTION.

APRIL, STOP DOING THAT.

- JERRY TOLD ME TO, SO IT'S SUPER CRUCIAL.

MORE IMPORTANT THAN THAT,

AND MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING IN THIS GOD-FORSAKEN WORLD

IS FINDING ME AN ASSISTANT.

YOU GET AN ASSISTANT NOW?

- YEAH, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN ABLE TO HAVE ONE,

BUT I'VE TURNED IT DOWN CAUSE IT'S A WASTE OF MONEY.

IN THE EIGHT YEARS I'VE BEEN AT THE JOB,

I'VE SAVED THE TAXPAYERS OF THIS CITY

MORE THAN 150 GRAND.

BUT NOW, I NEED THE TAXPAYERS' MONEY

TO SAVE ME FROM THE TAXPAYERS.

POST THIS AT YOUR COLLEGE.

- THIS LOOKS LIKE AN AD FOR NOTHING.

PLEASE BE CAREFUL WITH IT.

IT'S MY ONLY COPY.

LESLIE.

ANN'S FRIEND, JUSTIN.

- OH, HEY, YEAH. OF COURSE. HI.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU FOR COMING IN.

- MY PLEASURE. NOT A PROBLEM.

- HAVE A SEAT. - I SHOULD WARN YOU,

LAND SEIZURE ISN'T REALLY MY SPECIALTY,

BUT I'M GONNA HAVE TO TAKE A LOOK.

ANY FRIEND OF ANN'S... - IS A FRIEND OF MINE.

THAT'S MY MOTTO TOO.

HMM.

- SO, UM, WHAT IS YOUR SPECIALTY?

IS IT LOCKING UP THE BAD GUYS,

OR KEEPING THEM ON THE STREETS? - UM, NEITHER.

IT'S CIVIL LITIGATION, MOSTLY. - THAT'S INTERESTING.

- CAN BE...I'VE GOT THIS CRAZY CASE RIGHT NOW.

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THIS PRODUCT, FIRE IN A CAN?

- OH, I LOVE THOSE COMMERCIALS!

* IF YOU WANNA START A FIRE

* BUT YOU HAVE TO DO IT FAST, THEN-- *

WELL, YOU SHOULDN'T BUY IT.

IT WILL LITERALLY BURN YOUR HAND CLEAN OFF.

- OH, WOW. - MM-HMM.

IT IS AN AEROSOL CAN WITH AN IGNITER AND A TRIGGER.

IT'S ESSENTIALLY A BLOW TORCH.

AND, IF YOU CAN BELIEVE IT,

IT WAS INVENTED TO WARM UP BABY BOTTLES.

- THIS IS MY COLLEAGUE, TOM HAVERFORD.

- TOM, JUSTIN. - HOW ARE YOU?

YOU ARE WEARING THE HELL OUT OF THAT SUIT, SIR.

BANANA TWO-BUTTON.

- OKAY, LET'S GO INTO THE CONFERENCE ROOM.

I GOT EVERYTHING LAID OUT.

- WE SHOULD TALK LATER. - TOM, STOP.

- YOU ARE VERY ORGANIZED, LESLIE.

YEAH, I AM.

THANK YOU.

- I LOVE WHAT YOU DO. YOU GOT THE COOLEST JOB.

LET ME GUESS. THIS IS OUR PARK.

I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS.

OH, OKAY.

WELL, THESE GREEN THINGS REPRESENT TREES.

- I COME IN, LIKE, TWO HOURS LATE

BECAUSE I HAD TO FINISH WATCHING SWIMFAN

BECAUSE IT WAS...ON.

AND EVERYONE, LIKE, JUMPED DOWN MY THROAT.

OH, MAN.

- CAN'T WAIT TILL MY INTERNSHIP IS OVER,

SO I CAN GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

WELL, YOU'RE ALL SET.

FREE OF CHARGE, OF COURSE.

- HEY, WHY DON'T YOU SELL YOUR BAND'S CDs HERE?

THAT IS A BRILLIANT IDEA.

I CANNOT BELIEVE I DIDN'T THINK OF THAT.

I HAVE BEEN WRITING A LOT OF SONGS

ABOUT SHINING SHOES LATELY.

I TEND TO WRITE ABOUT WHAT I'M DOING.

* TALKIN' 'BOUT

* WRITIN' ABOUT WHAT I'M DOIN' *

* NOW I'M SINGIN' ABOUT TALKIN' ABOUT *

* WRITIN' ABOUT WHAT I'M DOIN' *

- OF COURSE I'M GONNA HAVE TO TAKE A CLOSER LOOK

AT THESE THINGS, BUT MY GUT'S TELLING ME

THIS IS NOT GONNA BE A BIG DEAL.

YOU KNOW, COMPANIES MAKE BOGUS CLAIMS LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME.

I THINK YOU'RE GONNA BE JUST FINE.

- THANK YOU SO MUCH. I KNOW YOU'RE REALLY BUSY.

PLEASE, IT'S MY PLEASURE.

LEAST THIS STUFF IS INTERESTING, YOU KNOW.

YOU KNOW, IT ACTUALLY REMINDS ME--

TWO YEARS AGO I WAS IN BORNEO, OFFICIATING A WEDDING,

AND THIS ENORMOUS MEDICINE MAN SHOWED UP,

AND HE WAS THERE TO BASICALLY TELL--

- JUSTIN! - HEY, KIDDO.

- HEY. - HOW YOU DOIN'?

- I'M GOOD. I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN FOREVER.

- I KNOW, SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.

- YOU TOO. DO YOU WANT TO GRAB SOME DINNER?

UH, I WOULD LOVE TO.

I CANNOT. I AM SWAMPED.

YOU'RE ALWAYS SO BUSY.

- YEAH. NEXT WEEK, I PROMISE.

- OKAY. - HEY, I'M MARK.

- OH! SORRY. JUSTIN, THIS IS MARK.

THIS IS THE CITY PLANNER. - OH, MY GOD.

IT'S SUCH A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.

- UH, PLEASURE. - PLEASURE.

ANYWAY, LESLIE, I HAVE TO GO.

IT HAS BEEN A SUPER PLEASURE MEETING YOU.

I AM GONNA GET INTO THIS OVER THE WEEKEND,

AND I WILL GET BACK TO YOU ON MONDAY ABOUT IT.

- OKAY, GREAT. - ALL RIGHT.

- SEE YOU, JUSTIN. - HEY, TOM, GOOD SEEING YOU.

I'VE BEEN THINKING.

IT HAS BEEN A WHILE SINCE DAVE LEFT.

AND I THINK I MIGHT BE READY TO START DATING AGAIN.

THAT'S GREAT!

- YOU KNOW, I WAS ONLY WITH MARK FOR ONE NIGHT,

AND THEN I WAS HUNG UP ON HIM FOR SIX YEARS.

I DATED DAVE FOR THREE MONTHS.

SO IF I CONTINUE THAT PATTERN,

I WON'T BE OVER HIM FOR...

500 YEARS.

WHAT IS YOUR IDEAL MAN?

- HE HAS THE BRAINS OF GEORGE CLOONEY

IN THE BODY OF JOE BIDEN.

INTERESTING.

THAT'S A HIGH, WEIRD BAR.

OKAY, JUST OFF THE BAT,

THERE IS A COUPLE OF DOCTORS I THINK YOU WOULD LOVE.

- ACTUALLY, I WAS THINKING, WHAT ABOUT JUSTIN?

MEAN, I FEEL LIKE WE KIND OF HIT IT OFF IN THERE.