American Housewife

Trip and I are going to the movies tonight.

Cooper and I are going, too.

Oh, cool! I like movies. Maybe I'll tag along.

- Sorry, I misspoke. I meant mini-golf. - Yeah, me, too.

Oh, I like mini-golf.

What do you not like, Dad? Because we're doing that.

- Yeah, me, too. - All right, you go. Have fun.

Anna-Kat, hurry up. You're gonna be late.

- Where's your backpack? - Upstairs.

I'll get it.

Quick, finish your breakfast. Bigger bites.

Put it down like a snake.

Where's your sweatshirt?

Next to my backpack.

Anna-Kat, you're only wearing one sneaker.

Oh, yeah.

Catch!

Are you okay?

I know I am this close to turning 40,

but I don't think that I can blame age

for getting tired halfway up the stairs.

Blame me. I'm a very easy target.

I just don't love how I feel in my body right now.

I don't feel attractive.

I might need to change some things up.

I like how you are right now.

But if you feel like you should change,

then you should go ahead and make that change.

And I'm sure that if you make the change

that I'd like the new you

as much as I like the current you,

as you are.

Currently.

I wasn't fishing for a nervous compliment, Greg.

I'm just making a statement.

Oh.

Do you think you could take the kids to school?

I'm just gonna stay here.

I know it's only 8:00 a.m.,

but I feel like I've done enough.

04x06 - Girls' Night Out

Doris' husband, Richard, is here to see you.

That's weird.

Send him in, I guess.

- Hey, Angela. - Hey.

Sorry to just pop in like this,

but I'm wondering if I can... talk to you about a situation.

Ah.

Okay, Richard, let's hear it.

I don't know why, but because I'm a lesbian,

everyone wants to tell me their one gay experience, so...

come on.

No.

I'm going to divorce Doris,

and I'd like to hire you as my lawyer.

What? Oh!

Hell no!

I am not representing you if you're divorcing my best friend.

I figured as much.

But now that I've talked to you,

legally, you can't represent her against me.

Thanks so much for your help.

Is this a real emergency,

or do you just throw "911" on a text

like when my kids run out

of those little Trader Joe's ice cream cones?

Richard is divorcing Doris.

What?

He came to my office today to talk to me

so that Doris couldn't hire me as her lawyer.

Meryl Streep's lawyer

told her to do that on "Big Little Lies"!

I know. What'd you think of her teeth?

I found them distracting.

See, I thought they made her character.

- We're getting off track. - Right.

Listen, we need to figure out

how we're gonna play this when Doris tells us

because she's probably gonna be a total mess.

Hey! What's up, bitches?

- Oh! - There she is!

Hey, girl.

So, what are we talking about?

Oh, you know, the usual.

Greg, blah, blah, blah, my kids, nyeh, nyeh, nyeh.

- I'm gay. -

You guys are being weird. Why are you being weird?

Who's acting weird?

I am gay.

So, Doris... anything new?

Oh!

I think I might be done brushing my teeth in the morning.

Now I just chew gum and go like this.

That's neat.

I'm gonna step out real quick to use the bathroom.

I gotta poop.

- She doesn't know. - Well, we have to tell her.

Richard told you. You tell her.

No! I sit next to her.

I am within fork-stabbing distance.

And you know Doris does not react well to bad news.

Sorry about that.

Everything good?

So good.

Angela, did you have any interesting visitors

at the office this morning?

Oh, Katie, work is so boring.

Let's talk about gossip.

Have you heard anything gossipy this morning?

Would you excuse me one more time?

Part two.

You need to cool it on that flaxseed.

- I thought you were gonna tell her. - I thought you were!

Well, you've known her longer and...

One, two, three, not it!

What the hell is going on?

Are you guys doing bathroom drugs without me?

Because that would be so mean!

Doris... I think you should sit down.

Come on.

There's no easy way to say this.

Richard is leaving you.

Yeah, right. I wish!

No. No, we're serious.

He came to see me at the office today

so that I couldn't represent you.

Like in "Big Little Lies."

We're so sorry, honey.

Doris. Doris!

Sorry.

Doris!

You keep chasing her!

I'll wait here in case she circles back.

10 years ago, the kids and I

were making a surprise cake for Katie's 30th birthday.

Katie came home early, caught us in the act,

and took this photo.

It's amazing what you guys can pull off

without a pastry chef and staff photographer.

It's Katie's favorite picture.

So I thought for her 40th birthday in a few months,

it'd be fun to re-create this photo.

A nice homemade gift to remind her how much we love her.

I'm in.

Trip, you... weren't in the original picture.

Yeah, but I'm really photogenic.

Check it.

I'm checking it.

When I'm 32, you'll be 41.

I got all the props.

And I made a Babybjorn out of a backpack

and two seatbelts for Anna-Kat.

There's no way that thing will hold Anna-Kat.

Don't be so negative.

Then who am I?

We just have to pick a night

when Mom's not home so we can take the picture.

But she's always home.

She's like that B.O. smell in Oliver's room.

She refuses to leave.

Fake news.

Oliver, you're wrong. This'll totally hold her.

So, they're getting divorced?

What did Doris do that finally made him leave her?

Why do you assume it was Doris?

- - For the same reason if we get divorced,

people will assume it was you.

- - That's fair.

W-What are you doing?

I'm exercising.

Oh.

Thanks for trying to make me laugh.

Well, you were right.

Richard's leaving me.

I found papers on the kitchen table.

I'm sorry, Doris.

You know, I-I can't believe this is happening.

I always joked about me leaving Richard,

but I never thought in a million years

that he'd be the one leaving me.

Honey, I know it's so hard.

I know he's sleeping with someone.

But it can't be one of the nannies.