Bogan Hunters: Bathurst Conspiracy

Comin' up on Bogan Hunters...

Took a Japanese car up there in the day,

they'd roll it over and, yeah, just burn it.

I love you, Brockie! I love you, Mount Panorama!

Biggest burnout means the biggest bogan.

I love getting me fuckin' gear off

fuckin' when I'm really pissed.

Greatest driver in Mount Panorama!

Wins Bathurst 1000!

Political correctness is trying to smash

the backbone of Australian culture.

- Aussie, Aussie, Aussie! - Oi, oi, oi!

- The bogan. - 'Straya!

Get a bogan up ya!

Meet the hunters. I'm Pauly Fenech.

This is single mother Shazza.

And New Zealand's beer-drinking champion, Kev the Kiwi.

And we're taking an expedition in boganology

around the entire country.

We've travelled to the west of New South Wales

and we've arrived here, Bathurst.

For nine-tenths of the year,

Bathurst is a small, quiet country town.

But every October, a transformation happens.

This mild-mannered country town is suddenly overrun

by the big donks of the V8 Supercar.

Whoo!

Fuckin' bogans! Whoo!

Go the Holden!

Go the Holden!

Go the Holden!

Yeah, that's a massive Ford truck. Fuck 'em!

This is prime bogan position down here at Bathurst now.

We've got V8 fans here, we've got massive bogans

and we're all here for one thing, the Bathurst 1000.

The greatest race of all time. Can I hear it for Bathurst?

Yeah!

What better way to spend a weekend

than on the piss on the mountain

in your flannies with your uggs

hanging out with all your bogan buddies?

Best one! Holden!

You're Ford, you're Holden. How the fuck does that work?

Very... With great difficulty.

Why are you going for Ford? 'Cause they're the best.

Youse look a bit clean-cut for Bathurst.

This is what I like to see.

More beards, less teeth, you know what I'm saying?

While Shazza revelled in the opening day parade,

Kev and I had a chat with the local mayor...

G'day. Gary. Nice to meet you, how are you?

..who had a fascinating bogan history.

Back in the '70s, he was an original bogan.

A mullet. And moustache. Mullet.

With a droop. A droopy one.

A droopy moustache!

Meanwhile, Shazza continued her reconnaissance of the crowd.

Now, as you can see,

there's a shitload of bogans lined up behind me

just to get in nice and close with the drivers

and get a selfie and a signature.

But fuck linin' up! I've got a better idea.

For bogan women, V8 Supercar drivers

are the demigods of the bogan universe.

They adore the drivers like a dog adores a bone.

Our bogan hunting colleague was no different.

Her pheromones were affected.

Dressed as a promo girl, she headed for Team Holden.

G'day. Hey, sweetheart.

How ya goin'?

As a boganologist, it was interesting to watch

a once-professional bogan hunter

acting like a giddy schoolgirl.

Oi, can you sign something for me?

Easy. What would you like?

Oh! (LAUGHS)

And it was this kind of bogan behaviour

that the current expedition of the bogan hunters

was all about.

In the early '80s, Mount Panorama had the reputation

as the geographic epicentre of bogan motorsports activities.

Were these bogan traditions still in existence?

Had political correctness smashed them?

The Bogan Hunters were here to find out.

I'm gonna let youse in on a secret.

It's my birthplace.

Yeah, Mum said she wasn't

missing a Brockie win for anything

and she gave birth to me right at the top of that hill.

And I'm going back there to see where it all happened.

While Shazza headed to the campsite of her creation,

Kev and I were invited on local radio

to discuss our bogan hunt.

Boys, good afternoon! It's good to be in Bathurst.

Revel in your mullet, revel in your flanno,

revel in your thongs and your home-done tatts,

and if you don't have many teeth,

there's nothing wrong with that.

No, nothing at all! Get amongst it.

And it was during a brief interview

I discovered a shocking revelation.

What happened?

A former premier that cannot be named for legal reasons

made numerous changes to the bogan activities of Bathurst.

"Next year, I'd really like to bring my kids,

"so we just need to tone it down a little bit."

So he sent up about 5,000 police officers,

and that did it.

It was a state premier -

he was the beginning of this anti-bogan conspiracy?

There was no more burnouts up the top.

How could he do this? I'm shocked.

And the conspiracy hit poor Shazza right in the face

as she attempted to enter the event.

Can I just walk through or what?

Some unseen forces had decided to ban the Bogan Hunters

from Mount Panorama.

Who was behind this overt act of political correctness?

There's the mountain, right there,

and this is the closest I can fucking get to it.

Why were there so many authorities everywhere?

Who placed surveillance cameras all over the shop?

And what insidious authority was trying to hide the existence

of bogans on the mount?

Here's a historical fact.

As all bogans know,

the traditional battle at Mount Panorama was Holden versus Ford.

Somehow Volvo has entered this thing.

Volvo Racing.

Volvo. That's not bogan!

Who got Volvo involved? Nothing against Volvos.

But let's face it - did Dick Johnson and Brockie

battle all them years for Volvo to get involved?

Of course they didn't!

I love you, Brockie!

I love you, Mount Panorama.

These external forces have affected

the great Bathurst bogan race.

And the end result is the anti-bogan conspiracy.

The bogan hunting team had travelled to the Bathurst 1000.

Fuckin' bogans! Whoo!

We came in search of the outrageous bogan behaviour

from days of old.

There was no more burnouts up the top.

But we discovered that

due to government and perhaps corporate interference,

the days of the bogan were numbered.

Can I just walk through or what?

Insidiously, the bogan hunting team

were unable to gain access to the event.

I love you, Mount Panorama!

This rejection left one of our team members

shattered and unable to hunt.

Fuck!

She went back to our budget motel

and locked herself in the room.

"Oh, no, Shazza, you can't come in.

"You're too bogan to be on the mountain.

"Neh-neh-neh-neh!"

Yeah, well, fuck you and your little yellow fucking suit.

While we considered a plan of attack

on the anti-bogan conspiracy,

Kev and I decided to go looking for local boganicity.

Holden Racing Team top.

Spin around for us. He's got the mullet.

He's got the classical alcoholic beverage.

Some good tatts, no less - the skull theme.

"Such is life" - the Ned Kelly theme.

There's a tendency as a Bogan Hunter

to think you've seen it all.

And then out of the blue, a great bogan tip.

If you have a blow-out on a thong,

get the thing from the bread and just put it in there.

Look at that - it's like a puncture repair for a thong.

And in a beautiful moment of boganology,

a rare unabashed burnout was performed in front of our eyes.

That's a great example of a bogan just parking the car.

Kevin and myself investigated.

At the end of the driveway, we met Red Dog.

Kev, bro. John. Nice to meet you.

Show me this mullet, please.

A ranga mullet!

Always when you find a ranga mullet in the wild,

it is a rare occasion worth appreciation and applause.

Let's applaud the ranga mullet.

When did this bogan flavour in your life begin?

Oh, about five years ago.

And what happened five years ago?

What was the change from normal to super bogan?

Just the length of the hair. The length of the hair.

So as the mullet grew, so did your bogan ways.

Pretty much. Look - he's got ugg boots on.

Although recently disabled, his love of burnouts and utes

remains fully boganised.

With the help of his best mate,

his completely bogan passion for muscle cars continues.

Always important for burnouts - a spare pair of tyres.

Why so many aerials, man?

Oh, you know, if one gets knocked off,

you've always got a spare.