Miranda

Hello to you and thank you for the joining of.

You might have been wondering how I've been. I've been OK.

I've literally made new friends.

Introducing Aubery.

And, new, Acquain-quinces!

I don't think I'm weird!

Sorry, it's still a bit raw, emotionally.

I blow up at any time.

I am a human 4x4 - my fleshy vehicle will flatten you!

Oh, can you pull over if you're texting? Or talk! Look around! "LOL."

Meditation classes? No!

I've been coping.

It's not the first time I've had to get over Gary.

Although never for good before.

But I think Mum's been faring worse.

# Grandma, we love you,

Oh, the breath!

Better news, Stevie's moved in.

I didn't want to be my own. Right choice, cos the other night...

Stevie, I can't get out! Why is it on?

I was playing Dolphins.

Could you just, could you cut me out?

Yes, come on then. Don't stab me!

So, end of me and Gary, but, to new beginnings.

That's the last of my things.

I can't wait to show you the surprise in my box.

New garment purchase.

Oh, intriguing. I've started packing Gary's things away.

Oh, it's sad.

Do you know, everything he said was right?

I am getting over him.

Oh, proud of boo.

And I'll be so much more fun to live with than Gary.

Ta-dah!

Genius! You look like a member of the Sylvanian family.

What? I got you a giraffe one.

Rude but fun.

Now, there is one point I need to make clear.

The only thing I won't be able to offer you that Gary could,

there will be no sex.

And that is fine.

It's just my allure is strong now

because my allure moon is in ascendance in the allurosphere.

None of that's a thing. What? Mmm?

I've solved it.

We can go ahead, wedding wise.

The venue is still available, the florist, mood board,

Everything's sorted!

The only thing missing is a, what I call, groom.

It IS a groom. And Mum, no groom, no wedding.

Tiny detail. Call Mike, get him back from Africa.

Or, there's Benjy.

How many times? First cousin!

How many times? This is Surrey!

Or, there's the Walters-Wood boy.

He may be addicted to glue but he is blessed, groinally.

Urgh! Mum, No! Oh, I've got it!

Why didn't I think of this before thought of this before?

The Middleton brother! I'll make a call.

Mum, no, just stop!

It's two days since I split up with the love of my life,

who I was going to marry.

And all you're worried about is what to say at the tennis club

when someone asks you who your daughter is with.

Well, I've had it! I've officially had it, Mum,

with your constant meddling and your absolute inability

to let me be and do and say

exactly what I want to be and do and say.

And do you know...? I'm sorry but until you can accept that,

well, then, you are just going to have to get out of my life.

Moodboard.

Wow.

Right, where was I?

Did you just tell your mum to...?

Gary's things. OK.

What...? I'll open the shop.

Are you sure you're OK?

Yep. I think that's all his stuff.

Stevie, look what I hath foundeth - my bucket list.

Do you remember we did them? Ooh, yeah!

This is what will get me over Gary.

You know, focus on my dreams, instead of faffing with a stupid boy.

Right, let's have a look.

"1. Marry Gary."

OK! "2. Have Gary's children." Right...I'm just going to skip down.

Erm... "Go travelling...with Gary."

Ah, "Nude model in a life art class!"

Did that! Tick!

"Spend all day having an all-day breakfast."

Tick!

"If I get called 'sir', hit the offender with my bosom."

You didn't? No!

Tick!

There's only one left, "Gallop on a horse on a beach..."

I've always wanted to do that.

"..with Gary."

Find yours.

Hello.

Hello?

I just wondered whether you still had those heart-shaped photo frames?

Oh, it's you, fav customer! Yes, we do!

I only want to browse for those.

You just browse. Browse.

She's always been a lovely word - hasn't she? "Browse."

Got it. "Stevie Sutton's Bucket List.

"1. Ice.

"2. Fire.

"3. Sick.

"4...and spade.

"5. Mop and..."

That isn't a bucket list. That's just a list of buckets.

It's my bucket list.

I want to make sure that I have got one of each kind,

before I kick the bucket.

Thrilled with that!

I don't know what to say to you, Stevie Sutton esquire. It's ridiculous.

I have to do something significant to get over Gary.

Ah, now, excuse me, customer, do you have a bucket list?

- Oh, dear. You said I could browse. - Give me some examples, please!

Oh, OK, sky diving.

Well, I am terrified of flying! Will you think?!

Oh, I know! We should go on the pull.

A bit of rebound distraction. Somewhere upmarket.

Find some non-Garys.

You know - older, sophisticated, classy.

More "me". You, classy?

Um... oh... no! Oh, wow! I thought you were going to...

Are you all right?

Mmm? Yes, no... I'm fine. Yeah! No. That's a great idea!

Basically call Pickfords. I'm moving on.

We've got an idea, no thanks to you. You obviously don't...

Cher! Fun, yeah!

Tonight I'm going to spruce like Fiona Bruce!

I think I'd like to go, please. So, where shall we go then?

I've got a few ideas. There's a wine bar...

Cease verbal fire. Newsflush. Fsshht!

We are a tiddle concerned about La Penny.

She rolled up at the tennis club, v early birdingtons,

for her ladies four,

drinking neat gin out of her mixed doubles prize trophy and...

Insisting - forgive, delicate ladies - and Miranda, what! Haha!

..insisting the ladies all go commando!

She'll be fine.

Well, what about you, Queen Kong la tragique dumpee?

I'm not a dumpee.

I am a mutual dumper, if you pardon.

No, no. I'm fine. We're going on the pull!

Set co-ordinates for Dumpee Rumpy de pumpy!

There will not be any sex.

What?! What?! Have I got a wasp in my hair?

Has the Queen come in? No.

Has somebody found somebody quicker than a Kwik-fit fitter?

Calm! You just said "sex". Did I? "Sex".

Oh, yes! Sex! Mmm! SEX! Yes!

Oh, Gosh! Stevie, can we find somewhere else for that stool?

Someone will trip on that.

Kong seems wrong. Things are clearly not Great Winslet.

She's probs obvs totes lovesick. Oh! What are we talking about?

M People! Treadmills! Salty snacks!

Belinda Carlisle. Oh!

Cheers! Cheers!

Oooh! It's very swish, isn't it? Yeah! A good word "swish".

SWISH!

Hello. Thank you for your lovely nuts!

"Nuts!" Focus. We're seductresses. We're seductressising.

We're cocquettes. Cocquettes o' the night!

Ooooh! I've pulled! Hi!

He's waving at the woman behind you!

Oh, I hate that, now I'm doing this!

Turn it into something!

Flute miming!

That's just weird! Fit in!

Oooh!

Look at her! So stylish!

Aaaw!

The pianist is changing the song for every person that comes in!

I wonder what he'd choose for me?

Oh, good game! Try it, try it!

Oh! Bit o' Britney, I'm thrilled with that!

I'm going to try! You go! You go!

Oh! He just slipped his room key to her!

Oh! They're escorts!

All the women are escorts.

Why haven't we been approached? Could we not pass as escorts?

Yes, how offensive! Oh, here we go!

Good evening.

Unacceptable! So unacceptable!

Sorry, hang on!

Excuse me, a little bit of attention!

Would anybody like to spend the evening with this?

This little, tarty, fun-sized bag of allure?

Or this, very, very cheap, you get more for your money,

and she'll be so grateful, she'll probably end up paying you.

Either way she'll give you a round of applause with her massive bosoms.

Oh, you're so sweet! De nada. They are massive bosoms.

Thank you. They do clap!

Let's just go, it's got awkward now.

Rude!

I locked the door!

Come out, or I'll throw my friend at you!