The Big Bang Theory

Oh, hey, Stuart, I got you

a little souvenir from my trip to space.

Well, Howard, that's very nice of you.

Yeah, maybe. Open it first.

It's my official NASA portrait.

"To Stuart, your comic book store is out of this world.

Just like the guy in this picture was."

For the record, he also thinks the Walgreens

and the dry cleaners are out of this world.

That's not true.

At the Walgreens,

I was "over the moon" for their store-brand antacids.

Hey, Stuart, I see you're getting ready

for your Halloween party.

Yeah, it's my annual attempt to meet women.

Ninth time's the charm.

Would you like me to help?

I do have a certain je ne sais quois when it comes to soirees.

Thanks, but I can't afford je ne sais quois.

How much for just quois?

You know, you don't worry about money.

I'll take care of everything. Really?

Yeah, you'll love it. Ain't no party like a Koothra-party.

But you know what wasn't a party?

That hotel in Kazakhstan

they put you up in before the launch.

I mean, it's your last night on Earth.

You'd think you'd get one porn channel.

Have you noticed that Howard can take any topic

and use it to remind you that he went to space?

Interesting hypothesis.

Let's apply the scientific method,

perform an experiment. Okay.

Hey, Howard, any thoughts on where we should get dinner?

Anywhere but the Space Station.

On a good day, dinner was a bag full of meat loaf.

But, hey, you don't go there for the food,

you go there for the view.

It's fascinating.

Let me see if I can duplicate the result.

Howard, I've always thought

the lemon was an underrated fruit.

Care to weigh in?

Not really. (chuckles)

Oh, well.

You know, people say the Soyuz capsule was a lemon.

But, hey, that baby got me to space and back.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

Ladies night at the Cheesecake Factory.

Does it get any better than this?

I hope so.

Question. Do you think your husband's fondness

for turtlenecks is an expression of longing

for his missing foreskin?

It's not getting any better.

Uch. It's Leonard.

He wants to go costume shopping later.

I thought you liked Halloween. I do, it's just

he wants to go to that party at the comic book store.

A lot of the guys that hang out there are kind of creepy.

Like my husband? And my boyfriend?

I'm, I'm sorry, Amy.

You were saying something about Howard's foreskin?

Nice try, but you have to go to that party

'cause we're going.

Yeah, I'm gonna go.

It's just not my idea of a good time.

Leonard does thing he doesn't like to make you happy.

Yeah, he's my boyfriend. Isn't that, like, his job?

Then what's your job?

Letting him make me happy.

I just think in relationships

you get back what you put into them.

That's not always true.

Last night I gave Sheldon my best come-hither look,

and he responded by explaining how

wheat came to be cultivated.

I guess I could probably try a little harder.

You could start by taking an interest in his work.

Yeah, that's kind of a problem.

Why?

Not really clear on what he does.

He's an experimental physicist.

Yeah, I'm not really clear on what that means.

He takes hypotheses and designs protocols

to determine their accuracy.

Yeah, you're really just making it worse.

What kind of tea would you like?

I think I'm gonna try green tea

mixed with lemon zinger.

Two tea bags in one cup?

You're not at a rave.

So, listen, Sheldon, I was thinking,

since this is gonna be our first

Halloween party as boyfriend and girlfriend,

I thought it might be fun for us to go in a couples costume.

I couldn't agree more.

Really? I find that inconsistent

with everything I know about you.

Oh, oh, on the contrary.

Couples costumes are one of the few benefits

of being in a relationship.

Now imagine this:

you and I entering Stuart's party

and all eyes turn to see America's most beloved

and glamorous couple.

Yeah?

R2-D2 and C-3PO!

Dibs on 3PO.

Sheldon, when I said couples costume,

I meant like Romeo and Juliet

or Cinderella and Prince Charming,

not two robots from some silly movie I don't even like.

Okay!

I'm gonna let that slide

because I kn you're hopped up on tea bags.

I make compromises for you all the time.

Just this once, can't we find something

that we're both happy with?

Fine. How about one of the most beguiling

and influential couples of the 20th century?

Hewlett and Packard.

Dibs on Hewlett.

What, you want to be Hewlett?

Anybody home?

Hey-hey-hey, what are you doing here?

I just thought I'd stop by and say hello.

Oh, what a nice surprise. Oh.

I don't think you've ever seen my lab before.

No, I know. It's long overdue.

So, what ya doing?

Better not be building a robot girlfriend.

No. Although Howard was making some real strides

in that area until he met Bernadette.

You're kidding. Nope.

Now the Lisatronic 3000 just sits in a box

waiting for the phone to ring.

Ooh! What's going on in here?

Oh, no, no, no, don't look in there.

What, is it secret?

No, it's a nitrogen laser.

It'll cook your eyeball like a soft-boiled egg.

Oh. You might want to put a sign on it.

Sign right there.

Ah. "Danger," sure, sure.

Yeah. What's, what's that?

Uh, that is an integrated ion trap

and time-of-flight mass spectrometer.

Wow. High-techie-techie.

What's this little box?

That is a pencil sharpener.

Ooh, low-techie-techie.

So, what are you working on right now?

It's actually pretty neat. Yeah?

Yeah. It's a front-projected holographic display

combined with laser-based finger tracking.

Here, I'll show you.

We'll just put this pencil over here.

Sharp. Thanks to the machine we saw earlier.

Very good.

And then a laser will map the reflective surface...

and voilà.

Wow. That is amazing.

You know, there's a foundational idea in string theory

that the whole universe may be a hologram.

What do you mean?

Oh!

Wow.

Uh-huh.

Well, the holographic principle suggests

that what we all experience every day in three dimensions

may really just be information

on a surface located

at the farthest reaches of our cosmos.

So it's possible that our lives are

really just acting out a painting

on the largest canvas in the universe.

Hmm.

What?

Sometimes I forget how smart you are.

You should visit more often.

What are you doing?

Take off your clothes.

What? Here? Now?

Yeah. You got a problem with that?

No, no. It's kind of crazy.

I've never fooled around in the lab before.

Really? Never?

No. I did have a shot with the Lisatronic,

but the extension cord wasn't long enough.

Before I forget, I'd like your opinion on the menus

I've prepared for the Halloween party.

The theme is "food that goes bump in the night."

"Creature from the Black Forest Ham Lagoon."

On Sesame seed Bunzillas.

"Night of the Living Garlic Bread"?

It's funny because "bread" sounds like "dead".

I'm sorry, but these are just ordinary foods

with the names bent into tortured puns.

The dishes themselves are in no way Halloweenie.