Mad Men

Do you know how hard I've prayed? Why does he make me suffer?

- God will give you a child. - Let me see her.

- So you killed another one. - 'Cause you had nothing to do with this.

Maybe you ought to stay off her once in a while.

Get out, you witch!

I've got 85, and my boots are off.

You don't have a sheath.

I'll get one, but that'll be another quarter, and this is all I have.

Go wash yourself.

You get me in trouble and I'm gonna cut your dick off and boil it in hog fat.

I'm gonna cut his dick off...

I'm gonna cut his dick off and boil it in hog fat.

What was that, sweetheart?

I'm cold.

Do you want to hold him?

I'm gonna cut his dick off and boil it in hog fat.

- It's midnight. What do you want? - I told you God would give you a child.

Whose is it?

Is your husband home?

God is giving you a child.

His name is Dick, after a wish his mother should've lived to see.

Come on. Drink this.

You know, there's no point in both of us not sleeping.

- She wakes up at night when I drop off. - You so sure it's a girl?

Well, believe me, she knows what she wants.

I packed your valise.

- I could have done that. - Well, you'll get a chance.

The clasp is broken.

Carla said she saw Sally hitting it with a hammer.

She's taken to your tools like a little lesbian.

Am I ever going to sleep again?

At least you don't look tired.

I just want everything to be perfect.

I want her to come into our home at its best.

Close your eyes.

- You're on a warm, sandy beach... - Because I'm a whale.

You're on a warm, sandy beach.

You can smell the faint scent of coconut oil.

And as you slide your hands

through that cold patch of sand underneath the shadow of your deck chair...

You're good at this.

Lola?

Lola. Hello?

Yes, but on occasion,

you have to resign yourself to sleeping where you are.

That's why they sell subway tokens, silly.

Lola.

- You're looking lovely today. - Thank you. Are you here to see me?

No, I'm just verifying some information. Thank you, Lola.

He just always stops by concerning the strangest things.

- Yesterday it was my engagement ring. - Enough, Lola.

You know there's something about the way he talks.

I could listen to him read the phone book.

Well, when he gets to "S," I need Howard Sullivan at Lever Brothers.

Remarkable.

I picked it for its sensuality, but it also, in some way,

reminds me of our business.

Who is the man who imagined her ecstasy?

Who indeed?

- We were just talking about you. - Burt's on his way. Where's Roger?

Probably taking another Grecian treasure out of its crate.

I apologize for Baltimore. It has to be done.

It's a sales call. Isn't there more I can do here?

It's not a sales call. You're the face of our business.

They need someone they can trust.

London Fog. How ludicrous.

- Really? I have one. - So do I.

No, of course. It's just the name.

There is no fog in London. There is no London fog.

- Are you sure about that? - Quite. Never was.

It was the coal dust from the industrial era. Charles Dickens and whatnot.

Mr. Cooper, Mr. Peterson is here to see you.

- Come on in, Burt. - Hey, Don. Bert, Lane.

- We need you to have a seat, Burt. - Okay.

You got a blindfold, too?

This isn't easy.

- It really isn't. - Oh, God.

I really thought I'd made it.

I know it's unkind, but it's generous and it's fair.

- Well, why the hell did you wait so long? - It was brought to our attention

that your wife was undergoing radiation. We thought it decent to wait.

That was decent.

Sorry I'm late. Did I miss anything?

Sad meeting. Sorry about that.

It wasn't easy.

- We'll see how you do without my Rolodex. - We're going to take that risk.

You make me sick. You're the dying empire.

- We're the future. - Burt, control yourself.

- No, I'm the head of accounts, damn it! - I'm sure we'll regret it. I'm serious.

See you on the breadlines, fellas.

Is that the last of it?

Because I don't like how much I'm getting used to these.

I don't know anything you don't know.

You understand there's no point ever in making over $40,000

when you'll be taxed 69%? You're working for them.

And God forbid you really make it. Everything over 70 grand is 81 %.

- Even if you're married? - Fellow comrades in mediocrity,

I want you to listen very carefully. You can all go straight to hell.

I heard he's going in-house at Nabisco.

- You're sure it's not starting again? - Mr. Campbell's office.

- What? - I'll let him know.

- The firings. - Mr. Campbell, Mr. Pryce wants to see you.

- I'm at lunch. - I'll bring you a doggy bag.

Holy crap.

You couldn't have pulled me aside to say that?

I'm sure it's nothing.

How the hell am I supposed to live like this?

Drop dead, you limey vulture!

Son of a bitch!

I assume you can continue to handle this beautifully

while I dispense psychotherapy to the girls in the pool.

You Americans don't know how to handle your emotions.

It's unbecoming.

His wife is sick. And if you had talked to his girl, she would've informed him.

So he would've had a longer walk to Mr. Cooper's?

And if you had talked to me,

I would have been waiting with his coat and his Rolodex.

While we're on the topic of decorum,

I'd like to speak with you about the way I'm being addressed.

Could you be more specific?

The switchboard. I'm not John. I'm Mr. Hooker.

That's the way they've been taught to address the secretaries.

Yes, well, as I've explained, in Great Britain...

A truck is a lorry and an elevator is a lift. I've got it, Mr. Hooker.

Despite your title, you are not a secretary.

- I'm Mr. Pryce's right arm. I'm not his typist. - Of course.

Good luck, everybody. Good luck!

I assume you will let him know when Mr. Peterson has left the building.

- How are we today? - Very well, thank you.

- Burt Peterson's left the agency. - Really?

Yes. I can't speak for everyone here, but I like you.

- And I like you. - But you don't know me.

But I will make that effort, if given the opportunity.

Pardon?

I apologize that I haven't been more welcoming, socially.

It seemed until your wife arrives...

I didn't want to make it awkward with a threesome.

Although, now that I think of it, perhaps your being alone

is all the more reason I should've offered my hospitality.

- Do have a seat. - Why?

Is something wrong?

I don't know. You just removed the head of my department,

and now you're offering me a chair.

How cruel of me. I wanted to inform you that you're now head of accounts.

- Excuse me? - It seemed like the right thing to do,

despite your lack of hospitality.

The specifics are pending, as is the announcement.

Is this really happening? I need to know it's certain.

Yes, but...

- Wonderful. Thank you. - Splendid.

- Well, it turns out things are splendid. - That's good.

Could you get my wife on the phone?

I have Mrs. Campbell for you.

- How are you, sweetheart? - What are you doing?

I know I told you this morning. I'm having luncheon,

with the Docents' committee from the Met.

- How are they? - Since when do you care?

Since I was made head of accounts.

- No! - Yes.

Oh, my goodness! Peter, that's wonderful!

It really is. I knew it would happen one day for real.

- I love the sound of your voice right now. - That's because I'm already drunk.

Good for you. Just one more minute. My husband got some good news.

- Make a reservation. Surprise me. - Okay.

- I should call my mother. - Peter.

Don't go to the well. There's no water there.

I don't even know if I'm getting a raise. I didn't ask. I forgot.

That's very noble. You see? One doesn't need money to be fulfilled.

Don't let those ladies from the Met hear you say that.

- I should go. - Bye.

Sorry to interrupt your lunch.

I heard you wanted to see me, so I grabbed a sandwich.

- What can I do for you? - Mr. Peterson's left the agency.

If that's your news, I think you've been scooped.

So you've heard?

Let's just say he did not "go gentle into that good night."

So you're probably wondering where that leaves you.

- Should I be worried? - No, I should say not.

We're making you head of accounts.

Spectacular. Thanks a lot.

We're charting the course of transition right now.

There are many details to come.

I wouldn't be much of an account man if I didn't ask what it pays.

I wouldn't be much of a financial officer if I wasn't prepared to disappoint you.

It's 21, but we'll reevaluate this year.

Ken, this is not for broadcast. There'll be a formal announcement.

Great.

You believe this? What is the world coming to?

- That is a big bottle. - That's not a bottle. That's his date.

- "My, oh, my, what a big bottle you have." - "I'm sorry, honey, but I'm taken.

"I just pawned my typewriter so we could be together all weekend."

The captain's about to announce our descent into Friendship. Quick refill?

I don't know. Don't you need something to run the plane?

- And what about you, Mr. Hofstadt? - Excuse me?

I took a look at your luggage. You're William Hofstadt?

Bill. Call me Bill. And this is my associate, Mr. Fleischmann.

- Sam. - Shelley.

- Are you headed to Baltimore or DC? - Baltimore.

Well, how about that? We're heading to Hausner's for dinner.

You should've been in line two hours ago if you want to eat by 8:00.