Superstore

It's like watching a mummy unwrap itself.

I mean, how long can this go on for, really?

Oh, she'll... she'll get there. Oh, nope, nope, she's going

- in the wrong direction now. - Come on, Myrtle.

Oh, this could take a while.

Ugh, can we, like, get some coat hooks or something?

Well, before we do that, can we fix this drip?

Or, like, at least get a new bucket?

Oh, I would love to fix that, but, no, corporate

only gave us $15.00 for break room repairs,

and we blew through that on the bat traps.

Speaking of corporate, this memo just came through:

"This time of year, many of us suffer

from Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Look out for the following symptoms of depression..."

Pfft! Who would get depressed here?

- "Listlessness..." - Come on.

- "Irritability..." - You wish.

- "General discontent..." - No way.

- "Apathy..." - Give me a break.

"Above all, remember Cloud 9 cares.

This memo clears parent company of any liability

for employee suicide."

Hmm, Cloud 9 really does care.

Well, they did send a letter.

- Hey. - Oh, hey, Dina, what's up?

So are you just planning to avoid me

until one of us quits, or...?

No, no, no, no, it's just, you know, I've been busy.

You know, different shifts, whatevers and etceteras.

Look, Dina, the time we had together was special,

but, as a child of divorce...

Oh, believe me.

I have absolutely no interest in pursuing this.

I mean, do you have any idea the kind of men I've had?

Sky diving instructors, hand models,

two of the original members of Fine Young Cannibals.

- Come on. - Okay, well, great.

So just a one time thing then.

Oh, yeah.

Just don't be weird, and things will be fine.

Okay, I won't be weird, lady who has multiple birds.

- Sandra's up. - All right, Sandra!

- Am I doing this right? - Yes, but pace yourself.

Okay. I can't believe you guys do this every year.

Well, corporate tells us to clean out Lost and Found every January,

but they never tell us how.

We used to give it to charity, but then Goodwill told us

not to leave our trash on their loading dock.

Hurry up, Sandra. It's not like you're gonna find a man in there.

Please, hold on, last year I ended up with a broken comb.

I just need one second.

Boo! Three, two, one.

- Ah! - And Sandra's got

an old pair of dentures, yes!

A lot of good stuff in there this year.

Oh, hey, uh, Tate, you're basically a doctor, right?

Even better, I'm a pharmacist. Doctor to the doctors.

Oh, close enough, anyway I...

Do I regret not going for the big M-D? Not usually, sometimes.

Yeah, when I'm laying in my tanning bed alone with my thoughts...

sometimes.

Hey, anyway, um, I wanted to ask you a question.

- Sure. - Okay, I always thought

depression was this thing that housewives invented

so they could take extra naps,

but you don't think that people around here could have it, do you?

Well, there are lots of employees here

on antidepressants.

What? Who?

Glenn, you know I can't tell you that.

Well, how many?

About 20.

13 women, 7 men.

Now, I can't give you names, but it's mostly the uggos.

Doesn't really narrow it down.

You know, I do volunteer work at this children's ward,

and there's a guy who dresses up as a clown

and goes around cheering up the kids.

Maybe that would work?

They say laughter's the best medicine.

The best medicine is penicillin.

At least it used to be. With all these superbugs now,

we might all be dead in ten years,

so I guess laughter's as good as anything.

Okay.

All right, ticktock, come on.

I think I saw a stuffed giraffe in here,

and Harmonica loves giraffes, so, uh, ooh!

And it's a wig.

Ooh, I can't give this to her.

She'll think I'm slamming her for being bald.

Ooh, oh, it's a VHS copy of "Murder, She Wrote,"

seasons three, episodes seven through nine.

Oh, God. Cargo shorts?

A journal. All right, what do we got here?

A lot of boobs.

There you go girl, oh, yeah!

- Ooh. - Hey.

- Ooh. - Oh, a purse.

- Oh, look at this. - Ooh.

You could swap.

There's a squeaker in it, too. How cute is that?

- Ooh. - Why?

Ahh, there it is. My birds love these.

Okay. Wow, that actually looks really nice.

Someone left that here?

Ooh, this kind of works on me.

Yeah, it's great, if you wanna wear a man's jacket and look like a man.

Hey, everyone, look at that man wearing that man's jacket.

Get used to it 'cause you're gonna hear it a lot.

Hey, Mateo, would you like to swap this leather jacket

for your cargo shorts?

What? No.

Are you sure? 'Cause I don't care.

But, you know, if... if you want, I mean, yeah.

If you're gonna be a little bitch about it.

Thank you so much.

Okay, who's next?

Hey, Cheyenne.

How you doing?

Just a little down, you know, some days

you get the giraffe, and other days you get the wig.

That's so true.

But hey, what is your favorite animal, hmm?

Ooh, a peacock.

A peacock.

Okay, that's... that's ambitious.

I know how to do a dog, so...

Okay, dog.

No, no, you said peacock.

One peacock, coming up.

Ow!

My eye! Ow, ow, ow!

Oh, oh, no, no, I did

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Hey, Janet. What's your favorite animal?

A clownfish...

Okay.

Riding a bicycle.

Hey, Dina, uh, I can't work on Thursday,

but Brett said he'd cover for me,

so could you change the schedule?

Oh, boy, here we go. Cue Garrett being weird.

What? No, I'm just... I can't work on Thursday, so...

Do you even hear yourself right now?

Wow.

No, you were supposed to cancel dinner with your parents.

No, Adam, I can't keep doing everything for you.

No, I'm not yelling, I am whispering.

Okay, you know what? I can't talk about this right now, I'm at work. Good-bye.

Amy, I have an important question.

Might I borrow these this weekend?

I'm attending the opera.

Um, yes, all you need now is a T-shirt

with Bugs Bunny dressed like a cholo, and you're ready to go.

Oh, you know what?

I think you left some stuff in your pockets.

Yeah, here we go. Here is your old end of a joint.

Enjoy.

Yes, I've been looking for that.

Here's your halffilled tin of dip, didn't know you were a dipper.

Yeah, don't even talk to me before I dip.

Fliers for sexy escorts.

Gross.

This one says, "Carerra is gymnast."

So you might wanna keep her at the top of the pile.

An old receipt, and, uh, here is your...

giant wad of cash.

Seriously?

Oh, yeah.

I'm the bad boy of my friend group.

- Silly string attack! - No, what are you doing?

- What? - This stuff stains.

I'm so sorry. I was just trying to brighten your day.

Here.

I forgot it was gonna do that.

Nine hundred and six dollars.

Somewhere in St. Louis,

there's an overweight stoner who can't pay his escort.

What are you gonna do with it?

I don't know, I mean, I guess I'll pay some bills...

- Mm-hmm. - And then my sister needs

a new windshield, and my mom's crisper drawer

in her fridge is broken, so...

So sorry, I-I get that your mother's fridge

is super exciting, but I meant what are you gonna do for you?

I don't need anything.

No, it's not about need. This is not about need.

This is free money. This is your chance to get you something.

So I want you to close your eyes... do it...

and I'm gonna ask you a question,

and I want you to say the first thing that pops into your mind.

Stop laughing. Take this seriously, okay?

Okay, I'm sorry,

I just keep having this mental image of you doing that cliché

where you get me to magically discover the

one thing I never knew I wanted... so dumb.

Okay, my mind's clear.

Well, now you ruined it, so you're never gonna know what you want.