Quantum Leap

You know what I would love to do?

I would love to... fix that flat for you, but I can't. I mean...

It's your only tux, and you're late for your wedding.

How could I be late? We've just met.

I'm a lot friendlier than he is.

That's what I'm afraid of.

Wow!

Kick in the butt, ain't it?

I never felt anything like it.

Ooh, who makes this?

Oh, this? This is an experimental model.

Look at that.

- Oh, that's, uh, sheet lightning. - I never saw lightning like that before.

And there are no clouds. I can see the stars.

You know, that's about where they set off the first atomic bomb.

No kidding.

And some people say there's still a top secret project out there.

Something to do with the deep space probe or a...

- Control! - What's happening, Gooshie?

He's leaping. Ziggy said no, but Sam's leaping.

- He can't leap. We're not ready. - Tell Sam that!

- Put him on! - I can't. He's in the accelerator.

Al-Al, what do I do?

Nothing. Any interference could kill him.

I'll be there in two minutes.

Hang on, beautiful.

We did it.

Did what?

I can't remember.

I can't remember anything.

Who am I?

Where am I?

I'll put the coffee on, Tom.

Oh, boy.

I'm in big trouble here.

I don't even remember going to bed with this woman, whoever she is.

And whoever she is, she's certainly... pregnant.

Very pregnant.

Good morning.

What will I be you okay?

The secretary of state appeared to be acting as a go-between...

at the United Nations in an effort to cool down the heightened tensions between...

Tom, better hurry up.

Bird Dog's gonna be here to pick you up in about 10 minutes.

Oh, honey, the P.X. was out of your shaving cream,

so I got you some of that stuff, uh...

What do you call it? The one with the cute little signs on the highway.

"Burma Shave?" Oh, that's it.

Burma Shave. I love those little signs.

What's taking you so long? You gotta hurry up. Come on.

Get in there.

Oh, Tom. Sometimes...

It's a dream.

That's it. I'm dreaming.

All I have to do is flow with it, and I'll wake up.

Shave.

The sooner you shave, the sooner you'll wake up.

Oh, God.

It smells real.

It feels real.

What the hell is happening?

Tom?

Honey, what's wrong? Who do you see in the mirror?

Oh, Tom, would you cut it out? You nearly scared me into delivering.

Who do you see in the mirror? You.

- Me? - And me.

Oh.

Oh, I look awful.

Most women bloom when they get pregnant. I shrivel.

Tom, I look like a prune.

My name's not Tom.

Honey, you're supposed to say, "Peg, I love prunes."

- What do you mean your name's not Tom? - Daddy, Captain Birdell's on the phone.

- I'm a daddy. - Tom, are you sick?

Oh, honey, you're not gonna fly if you're sick, are you?

Fly?

Mikey, tell Captain Birdell that Daddy will call him as soon as he gets out of the shower.

Roger. And get his number. You know him. He never sleeps at the B.O.Q

555-2231.

Daddy's in the shower. What's your number?

5-5-5

Tom, what are you up to? I'm calling my office.

- But that's Block field 8-4-7. - What the hell's wrong with the phone?

You're dialing too many numbers.

Too many? Maybe not enough. What's the area code?

Area code? You never tell us codes, Dad. That's secret stuff.

Secret? What the hell is secret about an area code?

If you're testing one of your gags on us, I don't have time for it and neither do you.

That's the morning report on KHOl.

Stay tuned for all the denizens of Doodyville...

with Buffalo Bob and Howdy Doody.

Well, Howdy Doody, kids.

- And howdy, Buffalo Bob. - Howdy there, Mr. Doody.

Boys and girls at home and all our kids here in the gallery, let's go!

It's Howdy Doody time

Bob Smith and Howdy too

Wave howdy-do to you

Okay.

It's not a dream.

It's a nightmare.

And if it's a nightmare, sooner or later,

there's gonna be a bogeyman.

Until the bogeyman showed up, I decided to ride out the dream.

Not that I had a choice.

Everyone seemed to think it was 1956,

and that I was an air force captain named Tom Stratton...

with a wife called Peg and one and two-thirds children.

Evidently, my best friend was the officer behind the wheel,

a Captain Birdell, who everyone simply called Bird Dog.

It didn't take long to find out why.

Hey. Hey-hey-hey, hoo-hoo.

Look at this.

Oh, my. And I don't see a wedding ring.

Good morning, sweet pea. How are you?

Allow me to introduce myself.

I'm Captain Bill Birdell and...

well, my facially wounded friend here is Captain Tom Stratton.

You might've heard of us. We're the only two pilots...

in the entire United States Air Force brave enough to fly the X-2.

Oh?

What about Tony LaMott? Oh, Lord.

Don't tell me you've been led astray by that junior birdman.

Captain LaMott might have a complicated wristwatch,

but he ain't anywhere close to being otherwise test pilot equipped.

This being Friday, I assume you're...

staying at the ranch as his weekend guest?

Well, I'm staying at the ranch. Then I'll anticipate a dance tonight.

And the sonic booms you hear today will be dedicated to you.

"Only two guys brave enough to fly the X-2."

You gotta impress the ladies, pard, if you wanna score.

Besides that, it's true.

What if I told you I couldn't fly?

You sick? No, I just...

When I woke up this morning, couldn't remember how to fly.

I like it. It's so crazy, I like it.

Who you gonna pull it on? It's not a joke.

You sound like you mean it. I do.

Damn, Tom, that's what makes you the best, that sincere look.

Hell, if I could lie with a straight face like you, my bird-dogging rate would double.

Hey, what say we pull it on Weird Ernie.

Weird Ernie? Yeah, we'll tell him that flying faster than Mach 2...

is affecting our minds.

Affecting your minds how?

It seems the faster I fly, the less I remember about it.

I've experienced that. And I'm starting to forget things, like my wife's birthday.

I never forgot Lucy's birthday until I flew at Mach 2.5.

Last time I busted Mach 2, I forgot where I parked my car.

That's fascinating.

Dr. Berger, could you design a test to quantify these apparent memory losses?

- I should be able to come up with something. - Good. Good.

This is a most interesting development. Thank you, gentlemen.

Before we mount up, there's one more thing. We believe the fire warning light...

Captain Birdell encountered at Mach 2.6 was a result of inadequate insulation.

We've rewired the system, and we expect no further problems.

What's all this "we" stuff? You gonna be up there with me?

I wish I could, Captain LaMott. I truly wish I could.

But as you know, my war wounds physically disqualify me.

If you should experience a red light around Mach 2.6,

shut down until the chase plane can catch up and check you over...

for visible signs of fire.

A fella could be barbecued doing that.

You get a fire warning light, Tony, I recommend you punch out.

- You didn't eject. - Yeah, but I'm a damn hero.

You know, I like that guy.

He kind of reminds me of me back in the old days.

All right, all right. If there are no further questions, gentlemen, let's mount up.

Well, he swallowed that hook, line and slide rule.

Now, ain't this a kick in the butt?

Chase One, hold on niner east.

Mother Hen, you are cleared to roll.

The pattern is yours. Good luck.

You're my best friends. I need your honest opinion here.

Uh-oh. Which thigh has less stretch marks?

Oh, Lord. My right one. Okay?

Or my left? Gosh, Peg.

You know, I think this one has less. My right?

They're not as wide either. Really?

This is the one I'm using my cactus cream on.

No! Yes!

I gotta stop drinking so much coffee. It's making me jumpy.

Yeah.

Given enough time, you can get used to anything,

even a nightmare.

All you have to do is relax and...

trust those around you.

When did you get into the import business?

What are you talking about? That long-legged honey...

staying at the ranch this weekend.

What's he do, Tom, smell 'em out?

It's a natural gift, son. It's a natural gift.

Sort of like a bird dog flushing quail.

Yeah, yeah. Well, I gotta mount up.

You know, I'm actually beginning to enjoy this.

I mean, here I am, a daring air force test pilot who doesn't have to fly.

Well, she's all yours, pard.

Take her up to 25 while I answer Mother Nature.

Mother Hen heading 2-5-0-2-6-0...

at 12,000 and dropping.

Mother Hen, Edwards. Radar indicates you are in a 40-degree-per-minute turn to the right.

Are you experiencing a problem? Over.