Blank Check

Where are you ?

Oh. Hello, beautiful.

Did you miss me ?

Dad, I've given this some thought...

And I've decided that since damien and ralph have their own rooms,

Well, there's no reason why they should be bringing their junk into my room.

Well, how does that sound, helen ?

- -

Out of the way, stick boy ! Hand & foot is here to stay.

Oops, kicked your baby monkey. Get out of here, ralph !

Here, take this. Go away, damien. This is my room.

Was. Now it's also the world headquarters of hand & foot, incorporated.

Hand & foot all the way ! Hand & foot, hand & foot, hand & foot !

- Hand & foot ? You guys aren't gonna make a dime. - Okay, we'll use this.

Yeah ! Hey, that's my life savings !

Consider yourself our silent partner. Yeah, say something and you're dead.

Yeah. How's the big move going ?

Great. Good.

Come on, ralph. Gotta get to work.

Dad ?

Dad...

Well, I've given this a lot of thought,

And I've decided that...

S-s-since damien and ralph have their own room-- preston,

They need the space for their business.

Not my space. Young man, in this family, industry gets rewarded.

While you're in here playing, your brothers are hard at work.

Yeah, kissin' butt for money. well, you know the golden rule.

He who has the gold makes the rules. One day you'll have a job.

When I was your age, I had my own business cleaning wheels.

I was pulling down 100 bucks a week polishing cars.

You used to say 75. Well, you gotta think big, preston.

Surprise. whoa, check it out.

Yeah, it's for your business. We had a spare at the office.

Damien, the speakers are out in the hall. How does it work ?

It imitates human intelligence, like you guys.

- Preston, maybe you could teach your brothers how to use it. - Not possible.

the software will teach you how to do everything but make love to a woman.

Now I know what program to get your father for christmas. Mom !

Oops ! Uh, here. Let me help you with that. Preston, you're gonna be late...

- For butch's birthday party. - Who wants to celebrate butch's birth ?

- it's important to get out of your room more. - our room.

Well, good luck, guys.

damien and ralph sleep...

Butt to face, butt to face,

Butt to face, huh ? Who said that ?

Butt to face, butt to face, type "quit." hit "delete."

Butt to face, butt to face, butt to face-- turn it off ! Pull the plug !

Ow ! Don't rub it. Be a man.

ouch ! Little wimp.

come on, preston. You don't want to be late for butch's birthday party.

Are you gonna have fun today ? how can I, dad ?

I don't have any money. Now, look. Here's a couple of bucks.

Ah, heck, you can have fun all day on that.

You don't get out much, do you, dad ?

welcome to fun land. Fun, fun, fun for everyone.

Welcome to fun land. Fun, fun, fun for everyone.

Hey. Hey, man. Hey, butch.

Hey, man. Yeah ! Hey, what's up ?

Oh, look. It's presto the pesto.

Hello, butch.

Oh !

- Tokens ! -

- Give me 50. It's my birthday. - Fifty.

- Twenty-five, please. - Twenty-five.

- Twenty-seven. - Twenty-seven.

- Six, please. - Six.

Six.

Coming ? I don't know.

it's gonna be awesome !

Yeah, let's go over here ! This one ! Hurry !

hey, preston ! Hey, over here !

Hey, preston, how's your ostrich ? Watch out !

Preston has an ostrich !

Hey, preston, come with us !

- Just kidding ! -

did you have fun at butch's birthday party ?

I have a question. Are we broke ?

No, we just have to watch our spending habits. That's right.

Like when your mother calls her sister back east and talks for 97 minutes.

So if we're not poverty-stricken,

There must be some other reason I'm so deprived.

We're outta here ! Whoo ! Goin' to the ball game.

- Can I go ? - We bought tickets, toad.

Damien ! You need some cash ?

Nah, we got a bunch of change. Later, preston.

It's not fair. Why can't I have anything ?

Well, preston, they have jobs, and they've learned to save.

How can I save money if I don't have any ?

A penny saved is a penny earned.

- What do you want for your birthday ? - Money...

So I can pay to have ralph and damien knocked off.

Anything else ?

Well, maybe we'll give him one of his birthday presents early.

A gift came from grandma today.

Hmm. What a rip-off ! It's a check for nothing !

I'm having a bad day.

Oh, your grandma just forgot to fill in how much it was for,

But she signed it at the bottom, see ?

It's a blank check.

We'll just fill in the amount. How much did you get last year, honey ?

A thousand.

- Ten dollars. - Wait, dad. What about inflation ?

- Oh, make it 11. -

You'd be surprised how fast...

Eleven dollars can grow with interest.

Preston ? Preston ?

eleven dollars...

At 3.45% interest.

your account will reach...

One million dollars...

In 342,506 years.

I'm stuck here forever.

lights out up there. Why ?

My house, my rules.

"my house, my rules."

My own house.

[ engine stops, car door shutting ]

dave, who needs assets ? I'm your asset.

I'm a big asset. Oh, c-- I can't believe you.

Dave, dave. Come on, come on. Why only borrow 150,000 ?

Our money is your money. Round it off to two.

Do I qualify ? Of course you qualify for the loan, dave.

We're golf partners.

-You don't look happy to see me. -Quig--

- Quigley. - Quigley.

That's funny. I don't remember you stuttering on the witness stand.

You just sang like a bird, didn't you ? I had no choice, carl.

I mean, lying in court-- you also pointed at me.

- That hurt. - Well, I was under oath.

I mean-- come here.

The only reason you're alive, biderman,

Is I knew I might need you again someday... Like today.

Oh, sure. You need a loan ? The rates are great now.

And you get a toaster. I don't need a toaster.

Before I went away, I put aside a little nest egg.

these bills, they're marked consecutively.

They'd trace these in a minute. That's right.

that's where you come in, old buddy. I want new bills.

We're back in the s&l business, biderman. Ah, money laundering...

Is very difficult these days, carl. You still do it though, don't you ?

That's a good-looking family right there.

You're not gonna hurt them, are you ?

Hate to have to. All right.

How do you want to do this ?

I'll send my guy in tomorrow with a check for a million. Tomorrow ?

Yep, just like the old days. You give him the cash, unmarked, send him on his way.

Whom should I expect ? Whom should--

Whom should you expect ? His name is juice.

Juice ? Mmm, he'll be here in exactly 24 hours.

Let's call it 1:00.

Come on. Walk me out. Show a little respect.

Whoa.

I know how you feel.

Hi. Hi. Can you see okay ?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, sure.

I would like to open an account, please.

Eleven dollars.

Do you have any other money you'd like to deposit, mr. Waters ?

Oh, uh, I could,

But it's sort of hard to save around my house; that's why I'm here.

I'm afraid we have a minimum balance. It's $200.

Two hundred dollars ?

That could take a million years.

Well, whenever you're ready, please come back and see me.

My name's shay stanley.

Ask for me. Okay, I'll do that.

- Thanks. - Bye-bye.

- I-I'll see you next time. - I hope it's not in a million years.

B-bye-bye.

excuse me. Carl, carl !

Here. You can use these checks. They're temporary.

Thank you, edward. Like our relationship.

Sucker ! Give me that !

- - give it to me !

Butch, give it to me !

Preston, come on ! Butch !

- Give it back ! Whoa ! - If you can catch me !

Come on, butch !

[ control panel dings, engine revs ]

- -

Perfect.

What the hell do you think you're doing ?

I-- I--

Huh ? I saw the whole thing.

I can be a witness if the price is decent. Get outta here.

He's perfectly all right, aren't you ? Aren't you ?

- Yes. - Good. Get that thing out from underneath my car.

What about my bike ?

Kid, was I the one that parked there-- oh, my word !

Are you all right ? He's fine. It was just a little accident. He's okay.

- I think this guy's been drinking vodka. - I have not been drink--

I don't drink at all. Seriously, seriously.

Kid, talk to me. How much you want for the bike ?

- A thousand bucks. - I'm not talking to you !

Bye, kid. Go on. Walk away.

What do you want, kid ? Name a figure, we'll discuss it.

Give this to your dad. He'll know what to do with it. I gotta go.

Oh, man.

I thought we understood about taking care of our valuables.