Workin' Moms

There it is!

Yeah, and if you wanna bring one foot forward,

into a lunge and a half-moon crescent,

and then come down,

yeah, for a boat pose.

Anne: Can we all be brave adults,

and just admit that babies don't need yoga?

- All: Ohhhhh! Yeah. -

Well...

Okay, we can move on to something else.

Yeah, who's got a new topic?

- I'm incontinent. - I'm pregnant.

- No! - Alicia: Anne!

Val: Congratulations, Anne!

Sheila, if you don't mind,

we'll revisit your incontinence

after we've talked about Anne's good news.

Sure.

Jenny: So when are you due?

Uh, lookin' like late May.

Alicia: Oooh, late May.

- Yikes. - What?! What is it?

Well, are you worried about a Taurus baby?

No Alicia,

I'm actually not worried about a Taurus baby,

I am worried about ten million other things,

like who the hell is gonna take care

of all of these tiny humans I've decided to create.

Oh, sounds messy.

Anne, it sounds like you're gonna need some extra help.

Have you thought about hiring a nanny?

Jenny: Yeah well, haven't we all considered

hiring a nanny?!

Pretty luxurious, though.

Yeah, as soon as I start making some green,

you know I'm hiring a nanny.

Little tip though, don't hire your mother.

It gets very personal, very quickly.

Ian's our nanny.

And I'm pretty sure he's doing nothing with our kid.

You try talking to him?

No...

He's a writer, so he's better with his words than me.

You wanna out talk Ian?

Next time that he gives you any trouble,

you just attack him with some "I" language.

So basically, you phrase everything in terms

of how it's affecting you, all while smiling,

with soft eyes,

even when you're insulting him.

What do you mean?

Here we go.

Ahem.

How do you not know what I mean?

I feel like I am being very clear.

I'm worried that you may be a slow person.

- That'll work. - I don't think that'll work.

You can follow it up with a blow job if you...

are concerned.

- Depending on your time you know. - Yeah.

Narrator on TV: Reptiles need to use very little

of the energy that they generate themselves

- to warm their bodies. - I know!

Narrator: In fact, they use around a tenth.

Mom, you have to change the diaper pail,

and can you put some food in Olly's bowl?

You know there's trash cans, right?!

This place is a mess!

- Hello?! - What?

Are you guys even planning on leaving the house today?

And what are you watching?!

You know Kate, it's a little early

for your judgmental commentary. Right?

Wait, what are you doing with that?

What does it look like I'm doing?

I'm preparing to feed your son.

Or would you prefer he starve?!

There was no lid on that, Mom,

it's probably been sitting out all night,

you can't feed him that!

Sorry, didn't notice.

Is it not too much to ask

that you just tidy up the house,

feed the dog, not poison my son?

You know what, Kate?

I'm doing my best!

- Are you? - Yes!

All right, well...

- Then, my bad. - Okay.

I'll just throw this stuff away,

and I'll see you at lunch.

Somewhere with a nice fresh fish.

- Fresh fish? - Yes, please.

Yeah.

Anne: I'm telling you, she's tough.

Strict nanny: Nothing I can't handle.

And who the hell is this?

I get it, I was a little girl once too.

Pfft. I doubt you were ever little!

Hell, I doubt you were ever even a girl.

- What is your problem?! - Anne: Alice!

Alice: Next!

Manny: I think you just need some extra attention Alice,

someone to keep their eyes on 'ya.

Alice: You can keep your eyes on me.

You live around here?

- It's about a 20 minute drive. - Really?

Okay, so this was a mistake, you can go.

Thank you!

Mean nanny: I'm sorry, but what part of stand up

didn't you understand, Alice?

You should be sorry...

That you thought you could pull off that shirt.

You look like a dental hygienist.

- What does that even mean... - I've got this.

I get it.

You think you're hot.

Well, let me tell you something.

You're just an average little girl,

who's actually really boring.

Now stand up,

or I'll call the boy that you like,

and tell him you smell like headgear.

That's what I thought.

Now go to your room and do your homework,

so you don't end up as boring as you look.

The only way to combat "mean girl,"

is with "mean girl."

It's a transition, but she'll get there.

Wow.

You're hired.

Jenny: Uh, could you not do that in here?

Oh, uh...

Yeah, I just thought it was better

than doing it in the kitchen.

Hmm. Uh, so...

What are you two doing today?

We are gonna go see a 35mm screening

of "Tremors" at the Royal.

I think Zoe's gonna like the snakes.

- Uh, snakes?! - Yeah!

They're basically ground monsters,

that's totally inappropriate for a baby!

Isn't that your favorite movie?

But I'm not a baby.

Yeah, well...

I just feel like you don't really trust me with her.

No!

I do.

It's just that I feel like I would like to know

that you guys are going to safe places,

that way I wouldn't have to worry

about I's baby...

having nightmares...

What?

- Are you having a stroke? - No.

I'm just-I'm jealous, okay?

Oh.

You guys get to bond all day, while I'm stuck at work.

Right, I'm not buying it.

You're pumped to go to work.

It's weird. Do you even miss us?

Yes!

I-I think about you guys all the time.

Oh.

What, you don't wanna kiss me?

- Are you wearing new perfume? - I don't know.

I guess. Um, I should go.

- Oh, okay. Okay. -

I know...

Yeah, yeah.

Kate: Mommy's here, hey?

Hi! Hi.

Oh, I'm so glad he's awake and seeing me,

you know, middle of the day.

I know, I'm surprised he's not sleeping,

we had a big morning, didn't we?

Yeah? What'd you guys do?

Oh! You know...

Well, he keeps me very busy, Kate.

- Mmm... -

Waitress: Here's a taste of our Cabernet by the glass.

Thank you.

Hi!

Mom?

Yeah, I don't know.

- Um, did you not like it? - Shhh!

Okay...

Mom, you do realize we don't disappear

when you cover your eyes?

Oh, I don't like it!

Okay, she doesn't like it, so could you please...

- Take it away! - Yes please, thank you.

The coast is clear.

Oh my goodness, well, my appetite is completely ruined.

That wasn't very nice,

I mean, she didn't make the wine,

why punish her, you know?

Kate please, don't discipline me, not today.

Why are you never on my side?