Below Deck

HEY.

- DO YOU THINK JAMES IS AUSTRALIAN?

- NO. - OKAY.

WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MATE?

- I'M HIDING. -

OH!

- I'M HIDING FROM THE CAMERAS.

- WELL, DUDE, YOU KNOW THERE'S ONE RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

- I SUPPOSE WHATEVER WE DO THE...

- WELL, YEAH, I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT.

- SATAN'S--SATAN'S APERTURE... - I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT.

- WILL BE THERE. - IT'S JUST--

- HEY, CAMERA GUY. - HEY, CAMERA. WHAT'S UP, CAMMY?

- WHAT KIND OF CAMERA IS THIS? IS THIS HD?

IT'S REALLY NICE. - I DIDN'T KNOW THIS MONTAGE

WAS FILMING. - IT'S REALLY NICE.

- MAN, YOU'VE GOT SUCH A BIG LENS.

WHAT'S UP?

THE BLACK LENS.

HEY, YOU!

THE APERTURE OF DARKNESS.

COME ON!

- DON'T LAUGH. - PEACE OUTTA HERE!

DON'T LAUGH, CAMERAMAN.

GO BACK WHERE YOU CAME FROM.

- OH, COME ON, MARK. - JESUS, MY GOD!

WHERE'S YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR?

- ALL RIGHT, BEFORE WE START THIS,

CAN WE GET A BOX OF TISSUES FOR KELLEY HERE,

IN CASE HE STARTS SOBBING? CAN WE GET THAT?

QUICK. I-I DON'T WANNA DROWN.

- DON'T CRY. YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME CRY.

KELLEY.

GIVE ME A TISSUE. - ALL RIGHT.

I DON'T HAVE A TISSUE, 'CAUSE I DON'T--

I DON'T HAVE TISSUES 'CAUSE I DON'T CRY.

IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO JUST BE OKAY

AND I COME HERE, AND I'M NOT.

both: WE DON'T CRY ALL THE TIME.

- I SWEAR. - I PROMISE.

- YOU'RE MAKING AN UGLY CRY FACE.

- KELLEY HAD A HARD TIME SOMETIMES...

- MM-HMM. - WITH THE--YOU KNOW,

PRESSURE AND THE DRAMA, AND I KNEW

THAT IF HE WAS DISTRACTED BY A LITTLE HEART--

- BY A LITTLE BOO-TAY. -

KELLEY.

- I'M JUST A HOPELESS ROMANTIC. -

IT GOES THIS WAY. - OH, I'M SORRY.

- - AW.

- KELLEY DID HAVE A ROMANCE ON THE BOAT

WITH JENNICE, BUT I THINK YOUR--

YOUR BROMANCE WITH EDDIE TRUMPED ANYTHING YOU HAD WITH JENNICE.

AAH!

OKAY, OKAY. OKAY, REFEREE.

EASY, EASY.

- I WANTED TO BE IN THE BROMANCE.

I WANTED IT TO BE, LIKE, A TRIO OF, LIKE, YOU KNOW...

- MM-HMM. - THE THREE OF US, NO.

- GOD, TOUCHING ME TOO MUCH. - COME HERE.

- STOP TOUCHING ME. STOP TOUCHING ME!

- WOW. -

- WHEN PEOPLE THOUGHT TWO DECKHANDS WOULD

GET INTO BED TOGETHER, THEY DIDN'T THINK IT'D BE THESE TWO.

- IT WASN'T JUST ME WHOSE BUTT YOU WERE SMACKING.

IT WAS PROBABLY LIKE, "HEY, LOGES. HEY, EDDIE."

- - "I LOVE YOU, BRO."

IT WAS NEVER LIKE THAT.

IT'S CALLED THE TICKLE CHEAT.

I KNOW HOW TO RASSLE.

AAH!

HEY, HOW'S IT GOING?

WHAT?

OH, GOD.

I FORGOT ABOUT THIS. - IT HAPPENED TWICE.

I LOVE IT SO MUCH.

- I'M LIKE, "HELP!" - "HELLO. HELLO."

- "I'M SUPPOSED TO BE ON DINNER SERVICE."

- I WAS LIKE, "KAT SURE IS TAKING A LONG TIME.

IT'S NOT LIKE HER."

OH, DON'T CRY. IT'S OKAY.

OPEN THE DOOR.

OH, GOD.

- THIS BOAT'S A PIECE OF .

- LITTLE. - HELLO.

- YOU ALL GOOD? - YEAH.

I JUST COULDN'T GET OUT. - I GOT--THAT IS SCARY.

- THAT HAPPENED TO ME IN THE OTHER ROOM.

- OKAY, WELL, YOU SHOULD KEEP OUR RADIO--

A RADIO IN YOUR BATHROOM THEN FROM NOW ON.

- I KNOW, IN CASE OF EMERGENCY. I WAS GONNA GO OUT THE PORTHOLE.

- YEAH, WE ARE UNDERWAY, THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN REALLY NOT GOOD.

DANGEROUS, I KNOW.

- I'M GLAD I CAME TO CHECK ON YOU.

I SCREAMED A COUPLE TIMES.

I POUNDED A FEW TIMES, AND THEN I DECIDED

JUST TO SIT AND WAIT. - REALLY?

I WOULD BE, LIKE, DONE-- LIKE, TWEEZED MY EYEBROWS,

LIKE, BE PRODUCTIVE, LIKE-- -

- I WOULD HAVE COME OUT, LIKE, GLAM!

I WAS PANICKING.

- I'M SORRY I LAUGHED, BUT IT WAS KIND OF FUNNY.

I ALMOST STARTED CRYING.

THE BOAT BROKE LIKE CRAZY.

I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT A BOAT DOES, THOUGH.

I MEAN, LITERALLY THAT'S--

- BOATS ARE CONSTANT MAINTENANCE, CONSTANT.

- BUT THAT'S WHAT KEEPS US EMPLOYED.

IT'S JOB SECURITY.

OH, MY GOD!

- UH-OH. SHUT IT DOWN. SHUT IT DOWN.

- I WOULDN'T GRAB ON-- - TURN IT OFF. TURN IT OFF.

HOW BAD IS IT? - BAD.

THAT WASN'T OUR FAULT, THOUGH. - THAT WASN'T OUR FAULT.

- YOU NEED TO PAY ATTENTION TO HOW MUCH TENSION

IS ON THOSE LINES WHEN IT'S BEING AIRED UP.

YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT?

HUH? - YES, SIR.

OH, .

- THINGS WOULD BREAK AND FALL OVER

AND THERE WOULDN'T BE ANYTHING TO MAKE IT FALL OVER.

- WHAT THE ? WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

IS THIS--IS THIS A JOKE?

- OH, MY GOD! - WE DIDN'T DO IT.

- WHAT HAPPENED? - THE CEILING FELL DOWN.

- EDDIE, CAN YOU COME TO THE SKY LOUNGE?

WE HAVE AN ISSUE. - I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

WHOA!

LOOK AT THAT. - OH, MY GOSH.

EVERYTHING BROKE.

GLASSES BROKE, CHANDE--I MEAN... - YEAH.

- ALL THE CRYSTAL. - MY SOUL.

- YOUR SOUL. - YEP.

- IT IS FALLING APART... - LIKE, ACTUALLY FALLING.

AND I AM LOSING MY MIND.

BOATS ARE DANGEROUS PLACES.

- BUT ONLY--OKAY-- - BOATS ARE DANGEROUS PLACES,

AND THEY'RE NOT FUN HOUSES.

- AAH! -

OH, GOD. - ROLL OVER AND SMACK YOUR HEAD.

- YEAH, WHILE Y'ALL ARE LAYING THERE LOUNGING ABOUT--

- OH, OKAY. -

- I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

I WAS CHECKING IT FOR STRESS FACTORS.

- OW! WHO DID THAT?

- I DID THAT. - I'M SO TINY.

WHY'D YOU DO THAT? - DID YOU JUST LAUNCH HER?

- OH. JENNICE, ARE YOU OKAY? SORRY.

- AAH! - I FELT SO BAD AND SHE--

- ME AND EDDIE WERE LIKE, "GREAT.

THIS IS STARTING OFF AWESOME. THEY'RE GONNA GET ALONG GREAT."

- SHE WAS LIKE, "AAH!" AND SHE ALREADY DIDN'T LIKE ME.

YEAH, THAT ADDED TO IT. - OH, YEAH.

- SHE WAS JUST LIKE, "OH, I HATE THIS GUY."

- LOGAN, KEEP AN EYE ON YOUR VICTIM AND BE COURTEOUS.

- YEAH, I'VE GOT IT. - AND APOLOGIZE.

SHE'S BEING A EMOTIONAL GIRL RIGHT NOW.

- I DIDN'T SEE HOW HIGH SHE WENT, SO...

- SHE DIDN'T GO THAT HIGH. -

OW! WHO DID THAT?

- HEY, JENNICE, JUST STAY AWAY FROM THIS THING, ALL RIGHT?

BECAUSE I MIGHT BE TEMPTED TO JUST DO THAT AGAIN.

- I'M NOT GETTING ON THE FENDER.

- LET'S JUST SAY WHEN YOU SHARE A SMALL ROOM WITH SOMEONE,

YOU FIND OUT EVERYTHING THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT THAT PERSON.

MAYBE TOO MUCH.

- GO LOOK AT WHAT MY ROOMMATE DID.

GO CHECK THE TOILET.

OH!

SHUT THE UP.

YOU THINK HE TRIMMED DOWN-- YOU THINK HE TRIMMED THE CARPET?

- WHAT ELSE WOULD IT BE? THAT'S WHY IT TOOK--

- LOGAN! - NO!

- WHY DO YOU THINK HE WAS MANSCAPING?

DO YOU THINK HE WAS, LIKE, THINKING HE WAS GONNA--

- HE WAS THINKING ABOUT YOU WHILE HE WAS MANSCAPING.

- OH, COME ON, GIRL. - OH, YEAH, HE WAS.

HE WAS THINKING ABOUT THAT HIGH HAIR.

AND HE WAS THINKING ABOUT TRIMMING HIS.

NO, MAYBE HE CAN EXPLAIN IT.

MAYBE THAT'S HIS CHEST HAIR. - I'M NOT LETTING HIM EXPLAIN.

PLEASE GET OUT. I HAVE TO KEEP-- FINISH GETTING MY--

- DID I JUST HEAR MY NAME? - NO.

SHE'S FUNNY.

EDDIE? - YEAH.

- IS EVERYTHING COMING OUT ALL RIGHT IN THERE?

- OH, IT'S COMING OUT GREAT. - YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT IT?

- I MEAN, I COULD, BUT I'D RATHER NOT.

- THERE'S NO PRIVACY IN A TINY ROOM LIKE THAT.

LIKE, HE PROBABLY WANTED TO HAVE PHONE SEX WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND,

BUT THAT WASN'T HAPPENING. - I DID.

COULD YOU DRAW A PICTURE?

- I CAN TRY. - IT'S WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS.

- I'M JUST TRYING TO USE THE RESTROOM.

- CRY ME A RIVER. - THAT'S NOT MY JOB.

- -

DUDE, WHATEVER YOU DO,

MAKE SURE YOU CLOSE THE LID ON THE TOILET.