Moone Boy

'It was Liam and Debra's 20th wedding anniversary,

'and the traditional gift for this milestone is China.'

A samurai sword?

Happy anniversary, Mam.

If I know women like I think I know women, she loves it!

That's not what they mean by China, idiot.

Better than your stupid plate.

Ha, you told her. Idiot.

Well, it's the thought that counts. Thanks, love.

Got you something a bit more fitting for your weekend away, Deb.

And I got it a size too big, for wandering hands.

Sweet Jesus.

I love it, but knowing Liam, he'll have me out of it fairly sharpish.

Don't worry. I left the tags on -

you can exchange it for leggings when you get back.

Great, I actually need new leggings.

Merciful hour!

Right, if we hit the road now we can drop Martin in Dublin

and be in the sunny south-east by nine.

The sunny south-east?

Oh, it's like Africa down there, buddy.

Thanks a million for staying for the weekend, Lind.

Have you everything you need? We'll be grand, girls, won't we?

My new roomies will show me the ropes.

Wish I had a rope.

It's weird she didn't ask you where you got a samurai sword, though.

How come Martin gets to stay in Dublin with Uncle Danny?

Well, Moone men are in a minority around here,

and we thought it was time for Martin to bond with his uncle.

Just two fellas, getting to know each other, by themselves.

Hiya, lads. I've a full stomach and an empty bladder.

Let's see what the old Renault can do on the open road!

Oh, now THERE'S a pleased lady.

So, you're going on a second honeymoon?

Ooh.

Won't be as good as the first time though,

when she was 20 years younger, hah, Liam?

Don't worry, love. You've still got it.

Well, I've certainly got some of it.

You brought your geography book?

I thought I'd do a bit of revising on the road.

Learn a bit about Dublin. Learning? Not on my watch.

My book! My precious book.

Padraic, this is three whole days we can forget about bloody books!

We know our geography, we're going to Dublin.

The Windy City of Angels!

Tinker's Tinseltown!

# I want to run

# Down the Champs-Elysees

# I want to see Disneyland

# On Sunday

# We'll visit Big Ben

# And the Taj Mahal

# Where the streets do have names. #

I'm not sure Big Ben is in Dublin.

I think you're wrong, but we'll get some brochures at the Pyramids.

Oh, yeah.

They must just be gone for petrol or something.

Can't imagine they'd just leave us.

We're the best ones!

Are you heading off, are you?

All right.

I'll just... wait here alone.

I'm better than this.

Wow.

This is cool.

I think.

Where are our beds, Uncle Danny?

You're sitting on it.

Who wants milk?

Milk? I've cows at home.

No, this is Dublin milk.

Probably comes from buses or some shit.

Sorry, lads, I've no glasses.

No bother, I'm well used to drinking jam.

Listen, boys - we are going to have a fun weekend.

That I guarantee.

But I am going to have to work in the morning.

Oh, are you doing music things?

Oh, no.

I'm really only a music man on the minimum, Marty.

Don't want to be a slave to the tunes, you know. Oh, I do know.

I buy, I sell, I keep my fingers in a beaucoup of pies.

Are you double jointed?

A keen heart and nimble fingers will unlock any door, little fella.

I feel like I should be writing this stuff down.

Yeah, he's very enigmatic

for someone who doesn't own drinking glasses.

Danny Moone, ici.

Ooh, espanol!

Thing is, Bono, I'm still waiting on last week's money, so...

Bono, Bono, Bono - you tell Larry if he wants a hand with his drums, he's

going to have to cough up the ching ching pronto, you know what I mean?

All right. Cheerio, Bono.

Uch, musicians.

Was that Bono from U2?

No. Different Bono.

He's a mate I helped empty some sewage drums

into the Liffey last week.

Bono's a very common name in Dublin, you know.

Oh, I didn't know that.

Listen, boys - we'd better get some shut eye.

Early mornings are a ripe selling slot.

What to do you sell, exactly?

Knowledge.

I sell knowledge.

Good night, little men.

It's like living with the Riddler.

What a night! We haven't done it like that for ages.

I know, it just went on and on. It's like we were teenagers!

Blew the cobwebs off, all right.

Yep, it was a really great sleep.

Oh, we should have sex at some stage. Oh, yeah.

Sure, we've a whole weekend. Ah, yeah.

The Encyclopaedia Irelandica.

It's big, isn't it?

Big.

And powerful.

That's quite a combination, Daniel.

Knowledge is power, Mrs Dunphy.

Oh.

And in my hands right now,

I'm holding the greatest information resource the world will ever see.

Your hands must be very strong.

Probably from opening all those flipping jam jars.

Do you recognise your one over there? The yuppie-looking one? Who?

Isn't it Sheila... Something? From our old school?

She moved away, I think.

Did you know her at all?

Sharon Morgan!

Jesus, yeah.

I knew her WELL.

You knew her well?

I mean, not WELL...

Just... well.

Hmm.

When was all this "wellness"?

Liam?

Is that you?

Ha!

Liam Moone.

The very man.

Well, there is a treat for my eyes!

Before we met.

Well before we met.

Quickly, quick! The whistle's gone!

Why do you have to move away, Sharon?

Why is the world doing this to us?

Shh!

Remember, Liam - I will always be here.

So you're not going away?

Huh? No, I meant your heart.

Oh, stupid heart!

Always getting in the bloody way of things.

We can't fight destiny, Liam.

We must learn to love again.

Somehow!

But I don't think I can.

Sharon!

Hiya!

Hey!

I'm Liam. You're nice looking.

Talk about a blast from the past, guys!

It's such a treat to see you... both.

You too, Sharon.

What are you up to these days? Are you still over in London?

Yeah, yeah - I'm an entrepreneur now.

It's a French word.

I own my own business, you've probably heard of it, actually -

Body Margarine?

Is it like body butter?

Yeah.

It's similar, Debra, yeah.

But, erm, cheaper.

Oh.

So what are you doing over here?

I'm giving a masterclass on how to be

a successful businesswoman in the '90s.

You know, just giving something back.

Oh, yeah.

Energise.

Synergise.

Super-size.

Think like a fox.

Outside the box.

Be applied,

be a ride.

Be bona fide -

it's the law, bitches!

In source, outsource, workforce.

Take charge.

Use Body Marge.

Well, it looks... affordable.

Uch, stop, Debra.

I hate it.

I'm trying to revamp the whole design, you know,

really bring it up to 1992.

You know Liam's really good at logos and things like that.

Oh, yeah!

I forgot you were a talented bastard.