Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl here-- your one and only source

into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.

She's not Charlie Rhodes. She's Ivy Dickens.

She's a wannabe actress from Florida.

You should go before we call the police.

I'm not leaving town until I get what I deserve.

No one can touch me anymore.

I'm a Rhodes now.

Maureen's cheating on Trip.

There must be some mistake. Maureen's a devoted wife.

Look, I get you have to run the story, just...

I hope you don't let your personal feelings against me

make it any uglier than it has to be.

I'll admit that I saw the web page,

but I had nothing to do with it coming out.

Well, if you didn't do it, then who did?

Do you see those people leaving? Why don't you join them?

It wasn't until I saw you confronting Blair

that I realized I had it all wrong.

You're in love with her.

I'm not in love with Blair.

You've really been good this whole time, haven't you?

I wanted to move on to give you the happy life you deserve.

I only turned dark and desperate

because I was afraid of losing you.

And who am I?

That's a secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me.

Apologies have been made and the security breach fixed.

But two weeks later, and still not one tip.

Apparently, no one can hold a grudge

like an Upper East Sider...

And no one can lie like one, either.

Here's to Charlie,

who's learning it's never too late to be a debutante,

and to mom, who couldn't refuse one last ball.

Oh! It's not a ball. It's just a little party

to introduce my darling niece into society.

Just because Carol made a mockery of her own debut does not

mean that Charlie should be cheated out of the experience.

Yeah, she hired Karen Finley to go in her place,

and when Carol's name was called,

Karen walks out wearing nothing but chocolate and a pillbox hat.

Now I'm a Karen Finley fan, but it was a bit much.

We were barred from the Plaza for years.

Well... I'm honored.

And if the party wasn't enough, Lily arranged for me

to spend the day at the Plaza Athenee Spa.

It's way too generous,

especially after everything I put you guys through with Max.

Oh, please. That was not your fault.

That young man had a lot of problems.

No wonder Serena was so into him.

Anyway, I'm just eager to put this all behind me

and start a new chapter in my life.

Oh, and, um, I got a job to help.

Nate offered me my old position back.

Waffles, a new job, and a party in your honor?

Not a bad day to be Charlie Rhodes.

Not a bad day to be Dan Humphrey either.

It seems like being the target of a Twitter war pays off.

"Inside" is doing so well

that Simon & Schuster is giving it a second printing.

Yeah, my editor wants to-- to publish it with a--

a new afterword now.

So I-I-I have no idea what to write.

I'm starting to understand

the appeal of heroin or womanizing

or--or whatever it is writers do when they...

can't write. It's hard to find inspiration

when you're not trashing your friends, huh?

Well, at least I don't have the added pressure

of it being turned into a movie, so thank you for that.

All right, that's enough.

You two should not be fighting like this.

It's time to work it out.

Yeah, I'm coming into the office now,

but you gotta cancel that meeting with Bloomberg.

There's just too much going on today.

Yeah, sounds good. Thank you.

A week ago, you couldn't get Bloomberg to give you a quote

to "The Spectator." Now you're canceling on him?

That's a bold move, Nathaniel.

I'm almost aroused.

Yeah, well, ever since I published that article

about staying independent from my family,

people are paying attention.

So you're finally learning

there are upsides to pissing off your family.

Grandfather actually loved the editorial,

so much so that he invited me to be his guest

at Camp Allen this weekend.

Yeah.

I leave for Vermont after work.

Yeah, you, Warren Buffet,

and every other finance and media titan.

World domination by day, debauchery by night.

The Allen retreat is legendary.

I pity the fool who tries to hire a call girl

in Manhattan this weekend.

Yeah. So I have to ask you,

why are you reading a rival paper, huh?

They might call the wedding off?

Does this--does this mean that--that you...

I'm sure it's not even true.

You should know better than anyone

these stories are invented to sell papers

to women who collect ceramic cats.

Yeah, still, maybe you should give her a call.

Louis is the father of her child.

There's no way Blair's walking away from that.

Same thing happening to me.

Pregnancy makes fingers swell up like kielbasas.

Well, the paparazzi aren't camped out downstairs

to find out if your wedding is called off.

They see me without my ring,

they'll think it means something.

I start to think maybe it does.

Mr. Louis is back from third world.

It's been a week, and he is still waiting at the consulate--

where he'll remain until I decide what to do.

You know what to do.

Mr. Chuck told you secret to making Louis good man again.

Say like magic spell--

"Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo, I will never leave you"

Poof!

Louis will feel safe again, and you live happily ever after.

But I'm not sure I can promise Louis that I'll never leave him.

Handsome prince who is father of your child loves you.

What is stopping you?

Nothing! But unlike you,

I-I don't just marry the first person who asks me.

It is the thought of Mr. Chuck that makes you unsure.

Of course not!

Well, I will admit that Chuck has changed,

but this is about Louis,

and until I can promise him he'll never lose me,

or my fingers regain their elegant shape,

we are not leaving this apartment.

That could be very long time.

We are going nowhere.

This is New York. We can live on takeout for months.

I'm sorry I assumed you were trying to sabotage

my book being made into a movie.

I'm sorry, too, that it didn't work out.

I really did wanna make it happen for you, Dan.

But that's--that's great about the second print of "Inside."

You'll be able to figure out the afterward.

I'm not so sure, though.

I-I've never been stuck like this before.

What? It seems like an amazing opportunity

to see how the book changed you, how--how it changed everyone.

Did it really change anyone?

Yes!

Seeing where our characters ended made us realize

exactly where we didn't want to be.

Nate didn't want to be half a person,

and now he's running "The Spectator."

And Chuck went from dying alone to therapy.

What about you?

Well, I thought I changed my ending

by getting the job with Jane or this blog, but...

the truth is, I'm still making

horrible decisions in my love life.

I actually envy you.

You get this book where you get to see your journey

and see what choices you would make differently,

where you went off track.

I wish I had something like that.

Well, if you really are looking for

a history of Serena Van Der Woodsen,

there's always "Gossip Girl."

I know, I know, I know, but it's not like

she hasn't chronicled your entire life since grammar school.

What harm could it be to look at a few old blasts?

I think maybe you'd learn something you didn't expect.

Um, Charlie's leaving and needs her coat.

Okay. I'll bring it to her.

Thank you, Dan. Good luck.

How'd it go?

Well, Serena just pointed out

how the ending of my book changed...

Everyone except me, of course.

Well, it's not too late to change.

How?

Writing-wise? Life-wise? I wouldn't know where to begin.

Well...

for starters...

Blair?

I'm very observant.

And not to mention, you haven't really dated anyone

since that kiss with Blair last spring.

Blair's getting married and having a baby with Louis.

And if she wasn't with Louis, she'd be with Chuck, not me.

Maybe.

Even if Blair doesn't feel the same way,

it might be worth it for you to tell her how you feel.

At least so you can move on.

I think the last time I saw you concentrating that hard,

you were reading the instructions