Backyard Ashes

Started out last night

I was thinking of days gone by

Of the times I've had

And the things that I left behind

Some change, some die

Still we manage to survive

It's knowing where and what to do

It's up to you

Don't know what's going on

I can't wait till

One summer I'll find a way

One summer Will always remain

One summer Remember the way

Hauled down, turned around Find myself facing the wall

I think back to school

It's all the same Slightly different rules

Outside on your own...

You wouldn't be dead for quids.

Well, the beast is looking in great nick, mate.

Yeah, Merv, what do you reckon?

She's the bee's knees, Dougie.

Come on, mate. Show 'em the new modifications.

Yeah, a test run would be most interesting.

Alright, where's Lil?

I think we're clear for lift-off.

Maybe a tad too much gas.

Nah. She's a bloody ripper, Dougie!

What are you boys up to over there?

Um, nothing, Lil, nothing at all.

Oh, get away with you, Pigeon. Make sure you get my good side, huh.

Mm... we don't want to end up

in one of your bloody 'Viewtube' videos.

- It's YouTube, Mum. - Mm, same thing.

Watch the pitch, Spock.

Just testing the moisture content, you silly bastard.

Can we skip the pitch reportage bullshit for once, Spock?

- Language, Bin. - Sorry, my love.

Yeah, language, Bin.

His language has gone to shit

since he's been hanging with you bunch of Aussie bastards.

- (LAUGHTER) - You're a lucky man, Bin.

You're on a bloody good wicket there, son!

Good wicket? I don't understand, Mervyn.

What he's trying to tell you, mate,

is that we only invite you over here

so we can perve on your missus.

All I can say is thank Allah for arranged marriages.

Just taking the piss, Binny.

- Why would he want your piss? - Well...

Bit of focus in the field, please, gents.

Dougie's a wanker

Dougie's a wanker

Dougie's a wanker

Whoa!

- Yah! - (GROANING AND SHOUTING)

It's a batsman's world.

Bring it here, boy.

Good boy. Good on ya. Eugh!

Here you go, Mouse.

Oh, gross, Merv!

Come on, Taka, bowl them up. Come on.

Howzat!

Sorry, it's caught behind, Taka.

Is that out? How is that an out?

- You didn't tell me that. - It's an automatic wicky.

Wicky, what is... what is wicky? What the frig is a wicky?

It's in our constitution, Taka.

Our forefathers invented it

so blokes like me wouldn't have to put their beer down.

OK,

No ball! Same as last year.

You are well aware my action is totally legal, Spock.

So you keep telling us, Murali.

- No ball. Whoa-ho-ho!

Six and out!

Go and get that one, Mouse. I'll get the next one.

No more than 15 degrees, Binny.

They're at it again, Wilma.

Bloomin' barbies and cricket all day long!

Looks like they're settled in for a big one.

Might have to turn the hose on them

if they get too rowdy.

Nice idea, Wilma.

What do you know about this meeting tomorrow at work?

No idea, mate.

Feel like a mushroom at work, always in the dark.

Thanks, Mouse. Must be my bowl.

Hang on, mate. Hang on. Bat for ball.

Oh, go on. I'll keep wicky.

See that, boys? Nice, high elbow.

You'll see this finger up very high in a minute, Douglas, if you don't shut up!

Nice one, Bin. I'm with you.

Just trying to educate you in the finer aspects of the game.

All staff, please report

to the loading dock immediately.

All staff, please report to the loading dock immediately.

Here we go. What do you reckon's up this time?

I don't know. Could be anything, knowing these clowns.

Good afternoon. My name is Edward Lords.

Recent pressures from the global financial crisis

and associated de-leveraging

will likely see a contraction in the manufacturing sector.

- Here we go. - Wha... what did he say?

Nothing good.

Now, my team and I have been brought in to analyse

the day-to-day operations of this factory.

And upon review, management have determined

that the best way to improve our core operations

is to implement new technologies.

In order to execute these changes,

we must make a number of forced redundancies.

That's bullshit!

How about some notice, you bastards?

Those persons affected

will have their name listed on the staff noticeboard.

And their redundancy will be effective immediately.

- Oh, come off it! - No way!

'Immediately'.

I'll go check the board for us.

Pommy wanker doesn't give a shit.

I'm not overly convinced his fiscal policies

represent a totally laissez-faire economic approach.

Like I said, he doesn't give a shit.

Tell it to me straight, Norm.

Uh... you blokes are OK.

- Hang on. What's up? - I'm out.

- What? - Canned.

- You're not. - Outrageous.

I'm not the only one.

Heaps have gotten their marching orders.

Anyway, I suppose it's hard times for everyone at the moment.

Why do we always get the sharp end of the stick?

What other options might you have, Norman?

I... never really thought about it before, Bin.

There's not much work going around here.

Mate...

I'd better get home and tell the missus.

Hey, Norm. Talk later.

Hey!

You can't do this. - I'm sorry?

You can't just come here and sack people and then just piss off.

It's my job to make these decisions

so the factory can continue...

You don't get it, do ya?

It's not my job to 'get it'.

If you'll excuse me.

Very important man.

Oh, yeah? What makes you say that, Taka?

He doesn't drive a Commodore.

Meow!

That's bullshit, that is.

And stumps, I take it.

Yeah. At stumps.

You alright, love?

He may as well have given it away.

Times are tough, darl.

It's a bloody joke, Lil.

Don't get yourself worked up, love.

Ooh!

Come on, go! Go! Go!

- (MEN SHOUT, WOMEN CHUCKLE) - Safe.

Good running, mate, good running.

Well, this could be the last ball.

Will Norm's career

have the fairytale finish he so hopes?

Stuck here on 49 runs and 22 beers.

- Come on, Dougie. - His last ball.

Serve us up a pie, mate.

- That's four. - Hehe!

- That's it! - (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Well played, Norm.

As Norm leaves the field for the very, very last time,

the crowd and his teammates give him a standing ovulation!

- See you, Taka. - Thanks, man.

See you, Tak.

It was a good day, Dougie.

It seemed to go alright.

Thanks for chucking it together for us.

Ah, it's the least I could do.

Had to make sure you pissed off.

Thanks, bastard.

Jeez, I hope

there's no dickheads like you in Broken Hill.

Yeah, me too.

You might end up coming back.

I guess I'll... be seein' ya.

You keep in touch.

I'll fix the fence up before we head off tomorrow.

No, don't bother.

We'll see what sort of nutter buys the joint.

If he's anything like you, I'll build a frigging moat.

Righto.

Come on, darling, wake up.

Go on. Into bed.

You alright?

Do you reckon someone will move in soon, Dad?

- I don't know, love. - Maybe they'll like cricket.

Yeah, maybe.