How I Met Your Mother

Can I get you guys anything to drink?

Scotch, neat.

Jinx.

Oh, my...

God.

Kids, you may be wondering why five adults

in their 30s would take a jinx so seriously.

It all started one day five years ago.

Ooh, Van Helsing. Ooh, Van Helsing.

Jinx. You're jinxed.

That means that you can't speak until someone

who was present for the jinx says your name,

or else

you will have very bad luck.

That's ridiculous.

You broke the jinx.

Marshall, I'm a grown-ass man.

I'm on my building's co-op board.

When I say a Pinot Noir tastes luxuriously earthy

with a hint of rhubarb, I'm not faking it.

I've had several

of the same sexual partners as Henry Kissinger.

I'm not about to stop talking just because I was jinxed.

Barney broke three limbs

and two vertebrae,

but he never broke another jinx.

In fact, he started taking jinxes way too seriously.

Barney, I'm on hold with Sports Talk AM

to talk to my childhood hero from the Minnesota Twins.

Who's your childhood hero?

Frank Viola. Frank Viola-- jinx!

: Hello, this is Frank.

Anyone there?

Hello?

I can hear you breathing, you coward.

So, when someone finally jinxed Barney

for the first time in years,

we were pretty psyched.

The reign of terror is over!

I've had this cigar in my pocket for two years,

waiting for this moment.

Aw, that would've been good about two years ago.

Cheers.

Huzzah! Huzzah.

Oh, oh, oh, you want us to say your name

and un-jinx you?

I don't think so, pal.

This is gonna be a long jinx.

Like Yom Kippur services long.

The only difference is, Yom Kippur's a fast

and this one's gonna be a slow.

Oh! Now, Ted,

I was wondering if you could expand upon what you were saying

earlier about antiquated currency.

Ah, yes, yes.

Contrary to popular belief,

the buffalo nickel was modeled on the Black Diamond bison

rather than the more iconic Western Plains bison.

To wit,

if President Taft had had his way,

we'd all be talking about the egret nickel.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

In the winter of 2012 the skyscraper

that I designed was about to open,

which got me thinking about the most influential

architecture professor I ever had.

So when the children of our grandchildren's children

ask us "Who were we," they'll find the answer carved

into the granite poetry of our architecture.

Okay.

It doesn't get any better than that.

Class dismissed.

Wow, just wow.

Do you need something?

I have an apple I was hoping to eat in silence.

Of course, Professor Vinick, I, um,

I-I sketched out a design,

and it'd be such an honor if you took a look at it.

Oh, well.

It is believed

that it took the pharaohs over 100 years

to build the Sphinx.

So...

you think...

I should spend more time on it?

Oh, dear God, no.

This is terrible.

Then, why'd you mention the Sphinx?

I find my mind is often with the Sphinx.

Anyway, you'll never be an architect.

You'll never be an architect.

You'll never be an architect.

: You'll never be an architect!

Well, guess what.

I sent Professor Vinick

the invitation to the opening of my building,

so he'll see that I did become an architect,

and that I've moved past his petty, hurtful words.

Wow.

15 years later and you're still this obsessed.

Yeah, if Vinick ever goes missing,

the cops are gonna come looking for him in your basement.

Totally, he's Ted's pit guy.

How dare you?

And what is that?

A pit guy is someone

you've been obsessed with for so long...

that it's driven you crazy enough

to throw them in a pit in your basement

like in The Silence of the Lambs.

I'm not gonna Silence of the Lambs him.

At most,

I'd Revenge of the Nerds him.

Though I don't see a scenario where he agrees

to play me in a pentathlon.

Yeah, I'm with Ted-- there is no one I hate enough

to throw into a pit.

What?

When Robin's most hated coworker Patrice

started dating Barney,

she became obsessed.

Patrice, Patrice goes in your pit.

Guys, I told you, I am done obsessing about Patrice.

Just drop her.

Drop her in a pit.

Enough.

We all have people that we would throw in our pits,

and I'm sure we all have people

who would like to throw us in their pits.

Yeah, if Marshall or I ever go missing,

I'll tell you whose basement to look in.

Daryl LaCourte.

Oh, no.

It's creepy Daryl.

Let's get out of here before he sees us.

Hey, hot sack coming through.

Ha... ha...

Hi, Daryl. Hey, Daryl. Hey!

I feel like I never see you guys anymore.

Like whenever I'm getting to a party, you're just leaving.

Even that party

at your place-- you guys just raced off

into the night at 7:30.

That's weird.

But this is

great-- the three hackmigos

back together again.

We played Hacky Sack together once freshman year, Daryl.

Once.

November 14, 1996.

That is the best memory ever.

Sure.

The three hackmigos for life.

To this day, we are still getting e-mails

and posts from Daryl.

He has commented on every photo

of Baby Marvin we have ever posted,

and then

he comments on his own comments.

Hey, guys, look, it's Bar...

none, my favorite

non-speaking

jinxed person in the world.

How was

your day?

Yeah, I didn't get a word of that.

Sorry, buddy.

Ah, Scherbatsky, it's my favorite time of year.

Didn't know you liked Christmas so much.

No, year-end reviews.

We get to fire some people.

Get into the spirit.

Look, Sandy, you might enjoy firing people

for petty personal differences.

I'd hardly call giving me gonorrhea

a petty personal difference.

But I am a professional,

and I would never fire someone for unprofessional reasons.

Well, somebody's got to go.

Kids, the thing about pit people,

sometimes you don't even know you have one

until you have a chance to push 'em in.

Hi, Robin.

Not happening, bro.

Not happening, bro.

Hand get tired?

Not happening, bro.

I hold in my hand

the RSVP from Professor Vinick.

Uh-huh.

Ah, he's checked

"Will not attend," which is fine,

because all I needed to know was that he knows.

So now I will throw this in the trash and never look at it.

What's this?

"I believe you've sent this to the wrong person.

I have no idea who Ted Mosby is."

Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

Oh, you'll remember who I am, Professor Vinick.

You'll never forget it.