Daytime Divas

Previously on "Daytime Divas..."

This is a very difficult time for our family.

I can't believe Brad would do that to you.

Guess who's coming to do our show. Vance Gordon.

- Your TV dad? - Listen to me, Vance.

- Don't come anywhere near me. - Nina, I'm so sorry.

I didn't mean any of that crap I said before.

I don't know what we are, but we're something.

I have to let you go.

I saw footage of you sexuallynharassing an underling.

Uh, wanted to ask you a few questions about

Ted Windsor's death.

I saw you talking to that detective.

I still think about that night all the time.

I am dating a wonderful man.

- William McCann. - She's quite a catch.

If they find out we were together the night that Ted died

it'll look like two passionate lovers driven to madness.

It is so good to be back

with my favorite bitches on daytime TV.

You know her from "The Lunch Hour"

but now "Morning Talk" has her for the whole week.

Let's welcome Mo Evans.

Hey!

Guys, it is great to be here

and to think, I used to hate you guys.

'Cause every year, you would beat "The Lunch Hour"

at the Daytime Television Awards.

Well, hopefully, we'll beat you again.

Make sure you watch the DTAs later this week.

You know I used to feel so bad for Maxine.

You know, losing every year. The show is all she has.

But then we find out that she's banging her doorman.

Hmm. That was quite the shocker.

Yeah, but you know what? That's a pattern of Maxine.

You know, the woman doesn't like to leave the house.

Let's check out a few other guys that she's dated.

Can't blame Maxine for this one. Dude's got a big plunger.

Money back if he doesn't come in 15 minutes.

Hello!

Oh, shut up, it's not that funny.

According to the neighbors, these missionaries

spread more than the word of God.

Pff! Friggin' batteries.

- In a good way. - In a good way.

How do you turn this goddamn thing off?

So wait a minute, last month when I was leaving

mom's apartment and you were bringing her that package...

Yup, it was a fake and I was going in...

- Mm. No, no, I can't. - I remember that time...

No, no, I can't. I tried. But at least it makes sense.

All those packages, nothin' new in the apartment.

Did you really think I'd order from Chico's?

Uh, paparazzi's outside. I don't wanna encourage them.

Every time I open a door, hail a cab, they're right in my face.

- Well, you are kinda cute. - Oh, this came for you.

And it's a real delivery, Shawn

unlike the time when I was coming upstairs...

I'm gonna wait outside.

Oh, my. Apologies for the paparazzi.

Once some other secret couple comes out, we will be old news.

Until that time, I wanna lie low.

I know I said yes, but I'm not sure

about going to this award thing.

I need you, you know

to emotionally abuse after we lose again.

Honey, these events aren't for me.

- What would I even wear? - Ask Armani.

Honey, I know it's gotta be strange for you.

- You and William? - Yeah.

Honestly, I wasn't thinking about that.

I was thinking about the night that Ted died.

I have an appointment with that detective tomorrow.

Oh, there's no need to worry. You know what to say.

Yeah, but I'll say what you told me to say but...

Mom, I gotta ask.

Did I kill Ted? Is that the question?

I don't really know what happened that night.

Ted fell and hit his head, end of story.

Listen to me, what I'm asking you to do is the right thing.

And then I promise, this will all go away.

Okay, Mom.

According to the neighbors, these missionaries

spread more than the word of God.

Oh, you gotta give it to Mo. She's pretty rad.

- She's so funny. - Right?

- Yeah. - Oh, ca-caw!

Alright, ladies, we need you to settle

on your dress selections today.

- Oh. - No exceptions.

Kibby, have you thought about wearing

an original Blessed By Heather design?

I was hoping to wear something a little less sister-wifey.

Suit yourself, but you know what they say.

- Modest is hottest. - No one says that.

Who do you talk to?

Heather, is this all because your CD

is in the dollar bin at Duane Reade?

Very funny, Kibby, my CD is not in the dollar bin.

Oh, 10,241 likes.

Maxine, have you thought about wearing...

Heather, I'm wearing Kevan Hall. Don't ask me again.

Fine, I'm wearing Blessed By Heather

and we will see who ends up on the best dressed list.

Reminder, "Lunch Hour's" hosting a gifting suite tomorrow.

As if I don't have enough work to do.

Those things are disgusting.

They just bring out the greed in people.

Oh, attendance is mandatory.

- That also means you, Nina. - No, I'm serious.

All of this pomp and circumstance

why can't we just wear something that we have?

You mean like that belted burqa you wore last year?

That was a tribal Gomesi

worn in solidarity with the gay women of Uganda

who happened to be marching in their first pride parade.

Have you ever considered stand-up?

Just wear something great, Nina.

We wanna look hot when we accept our award.

Oh, Kibby, we don't win.

- We never win. - Why? We're so awesome.

We always lose to "Morning Talk".

It's kind of our thing.

So let's practice our gracious loser face.

This is mine.

Don't steal it.

- Nina! - Green's not my color.

That's trash.

In all my years recording the news

I've interviewed presidents, princes, and pop stars.

But there are other voices that I wanted to be heard.

So a decade ago, I created a show

where women could sit down and say what's on their minds.

And, boy, do they ever.

It's just an honor to be nominated.

Such an honor.

Right, just so many incredible people in our category.

I'm just excited for the dress.

Yes, whatever happens

the four of us are gonna look fabulous.

Actually, it'll be five of us.

Mo's nominated too, so she'll be joining us.

- Oh, isn't that wonderful? - Yeah.

I may have forgotten to mention that to you.

I can't wait to see her funny face.

That's a wrap.

- Jason Abel's in your office. - What? Why?

The network has thoughts on our new co-host.

Oh, God help us.

Okay, so just tell me which one you like better?

And I know, I totally need a better nose.

Tandy, you're 15, you're not gonna play a doctor

for, like, three years. And you're not touching your nose.

- It's perfect. - You are not helping me.

Why do you even wanna be an actor?

Is this mom's idea? Is she looking for another meal ticket?

Stop! It's my idea.

Okay? I like, I like going on auditions.

- It's fun. - Okay.

Then I guess the one with, uh, no lab coat.

You're so lucky, you get to go to fancy award shows.

Trust me, they suck.

Do you wanna go? I have a plus one.

- Yes. - Okay, then pick out a dress.

- Seriously? - Yeah, take whatever you want.

No, no, no. Not that one, bitch.

Eleven, twelve...

That got 12 million hits?

And 5 million Twitter followers.

Fine, but what does marshmallow girl bring to the round table?

Viewers, and hopefully, the kind of numbers we got with Mo.

- We need someone loud. - And Mo was definitely loud.

Did you see her guest on "Morning Talk?"

- She killed. - Honestly, I haven't seen it.

But I do know my show more than anyone

and Kali is not gonna fly.

I don't wanna tell you how to do your job.

- Good. - But...

we would really appreciate it if you gave Kali a chance.

Is that network speak for do it or else?

Fine, one week.

And when Kali's a dud, she's out.

- Great. - And no more talk about Mo.

Trust me, she doesn't have the appeal you think she does.

Oh, God. It's so good to...

Ca-caw!

It's high heels at high noon.

Hey, Max. Happy to see me? Your face is so toxed.

It is getting to the point where I literally cannot tell.

Well, well, well, look what the cat threw up

ate and then threw up again.

Well, this pussy has nine lives.

Classy. So what are you doing here?

Trolling the crew for a date to the Daytime TV Awards?

No, I'm just here to pick up my tickets.

You do know we send them in the mail.

Uh-oh. Caught me.

Actually, I'm just here

to catch up with a few old friends.

And, uh, something else, I just can't remember.