Downward Dog

In the beginning, there was Nan.

And Nan made everything.

She made the whole sky and the whole entire Earth,

all the way to the very end of the four blocks.

But then, Nan looked at what she had made,

and she saw it was empty and small

and there was nothing, like, cuddly or amazing,

so then... Nan found me.

She made me her emotional mentor

and shared all her deepest, most vulnerable secrets,

even the drawer of secret toys in the bedroom

I'm supposed to, like, never, ever play with.

And then there was Jason.

And then there wasn't Jason.

And then there was Jason, and then there wasn't Jason,

and then there was Jason.

Now it's, like, really confusing if there's Jason or not.

But then, evil entered the world,

and it came in the darkest form of all... a cat.

If Nan really loves you,

why does she keep the door closed?

And why does she leave every day?

What if you could decide?

What if you could open the door?

And so, Nan keeps all the doors locked and closed.

Like, she has all these boundaries to keep me safe,

but sometimes I think Nan kind of forgets

that those same boundaries work on me.

I just end up kind of, like, locked inside all day.

I mean, I get that she's Nan and I'm not,

but sometimes I guess I wish

I had the power to go where I wanted

and, like, open doors for myself.

I mean, even for just, like, one single day.

Narrator: Nature here is vile and base.

I wouldn't see anything erotical here.

I would see fornication and asphyxiation and choking and...

Hello. Oh, my goodness.

Did you think I was never coming back?

You were so scared. You're a good boy.

Come on. Hey.

Hey.

I didn't think you'd still be here.

Down. Oh, yeah.

Me and, uh, me and Martin went for a super-long walk

and then he passed out, and then I had three gummies,

and I thought, probably shouldn't drive home, you know.

Yeah, that's... That's true.

You probably shouldn't drive home.

Hey, I got some, uh, I got some more gummies if you want one.

Uh, nope, pass.

I got too much work to do on the campaign.

Eh.

You know, people in, uh, Sweden...

They work like 20 hours a week,

and they're actually more productive.

Yeah, well, people in Sweden

don't have to run a 9:00 a. M. Meeting tomorrow.

Don't. Those give him gas.

I thought you liked being able to blame your farts on him.

I have never... done that.

Just saying you should give yourself a little break, okay?

You and your sad, little plate of meatballs.

Come on. Five minutes.

Five minutes.

The thing is, I've been a pretty trusting

buddy, buddy, buddy, like, I believe in her.

Shut up!

Stop trying to cheat.

A symbol of erotical fornication.

But, lately, like, lately, I've been having a lot of doubts.

Nixon, right?

I mean, Nan makes the same mistakes,

like, again and again and again.

You know what?

I have to be at work in like six hours.

It's literally gonna take five minutes.

Come here. Okay.

Like, tonight, once again, she locked me in the sex room.

And I just felt like, I mean,

what part of her thinks I like this?

I mean, I have a really, really sensitive sense of smell.

And I get that Nan's obsessed

with, like, closing doors and making boundaries,

but, I mean, something here,

like, something here has to change.

Hey.

Hey.

Uh-oh. Someone's late.

Yeah.

Kind of accidentally slept in...

with Jason...

again.

Well, look who it is.

First week with your own team,

and you're already pooping on the bed.

Yeah, sorry, guys.

It's just traffic out there, so... Okay.

Anyway, as I was saying

when I tried to start the meeting on time...

we all know that Nan sold some idea to corporate

about a dog looking at her

and how she's, like, a normal, plain person or something.

But with each new campaign, I like to start with a question.

Today, that question is...

What...

did...

we...

sell?

What did we sell?

Chime in here any time, guys. I think he...

No. He doesn't know. Let him suffer.

When we sell something, we need to know what it is.

When I come back here, I want to see written on this board,

in terms understandable to a 5-year-old,

exactly what we sold, okay?

Frickin' amateur hour.

Okay, so, we all know what we sold.

Let's get to work.

And these guys are, you know...

Hi... A little bit wrinkled.

Hey. And, um, kind of incomplete.

That is some pizza. Just put that over there.

Well, that was humiliating.

It was fine. You recovered.

Yeah, this time.

It's impossible to be a grown-up with a job

standing anywhere near Jason and his vortex of chill.

Uh, yeah, 'cause you need to draw some clear boundaries.

He's like crack to you.

And call me crazy, but I don't think crack addicts

should be casually hanging out with crack

or let crack walk their dog. I know.

It's just when we broke up, he totally disappeared,

and I don't want Martin to have to go through that again.

Martin loves Jason.

Oh, yeah, Martin loves Jason.

Yeah, okay. It's just...

You're right. No, you're right. We're done here.

Good.

It's time to draw some clear boundaries.

But today, like, I'm still kind of processing this,

but today, I changed my entire life.

I was just staring at the kitchen door

like I do all the time, wishing I wasn't, you know,

locked inside all day, and... and, yeah,

like, maybe I was concentrating extra hard

because of last night and everything,

but I don't think I realized the energy I was sending that door,

because I just, like, walked away, like,

thinking nothing of it, and, you know, dozed off for a while.

And when I came back and saw what I had done,

it just... it just blew my mind.

Yeah, Martin, come on.

Use your door, buddy.

Come on.

Come...

Well, when he does it, it's gonna be great.

He's gonna love it.

So, how is this drawing clear boundaries?

It's an automatic dog door. Uh-huh.

So, I'm going to take Jason's key away, right,

so he can't get in,

but Martin can still get out and be walked.

It's genius.

Yeah.

Oh, ooh, it's like a-a terrible electronic chastity belt.

Yeah.

That's exactly what it is.

Good job. Yeah.

I mean... I think I just opened a portal

with my mind.

I mean, it's... it's genius.

Like, there's this magnet in Martin's collar, right?

So, when he comes up to the door, it opens,

and then when he walks away, it locks.

So, you can just, like, call him

and you don't even have to go inside.

What if he doesn't come out?

What are you talking about? Of course he'll come out.

He'll love it. He can't wait to come out.

Oh, so he hasn't even used it.

No, it's gonna be fine, though.

Listen, Jas, I feel like, um...

All right.

I think that we both know, right,

that we're on really different paths,

like career-wise and... and... and, like,

life-wise and whatnot. Yeah.

And we know that it's not, like, smart, right,

for us to be together full-time.

Right? Absolutely.

Right.

But at the same time,

I feel like neither one of us is so immature

we feel like we have to, like,

cut the other one out of our life entirely, right?

Okay, uh, but...

Because this way, like, you get to still see Martin,

and, like, you and I can be cool,