Son of a Critch - First Season

Mary! My program is starting!

The old man would take a break from radio news

- by watching TV news. Here you go.

His one escape from reality was more reality!

Philippines dictator Ferdinand Marcos

is in exile in Hawaii

as evidence mounts against him.

Good God! Isn't that where your little friend is from?

They're having a hell of a hard time over there.

I dare say they must be having some hard time

if they leave their weather for ours.

... Be the first nuclear power plant in the Philippines.

The first lady, Imelda Marcos, purchased millions of dollars...

Back then, all eyes were on the Marcos family

in the Philippines,

which meant all eyes in our class were on Ritchie.

I know we've all been hearing

about the Philippines in the news.

Does anyone know what a dictator is?

You mean like Sister Rose?

This is no laughing matter, missy.

Ritchie, what can you tell the class about your homeland?

Uh, I don't really remember that much.

Oh! Come, now, Ritchie.

One doesn't escape a dictator and forget about it.

I, uh, um...

- Remember that it was hot? - Wow.

I feel so much smarter now.

Well, it was a scorching hot day when his family escaped...

In a boat... Over shark-infested waters.

We flew.

Wait... go on, Mark.

They were on the run from President Marcos -

a cross between the Godfather and Darth Vader!

He and his wife Imelda stole billions

from people just like Ritchie.

You know, she was so rich, the first lady

- had three thousand shoes. - Three thousand shoes

or three thousand pairs of shoes?

- What's the difference? - Three thousand shoes.

Ritchie?

I don't know.

Uh, three thousand pairs. That's six thousand shoes!

And that's pretty much the story of the Philippines.

Huh.

Thank you, Ritchie, for sharing your heritage.

It is important for us to celebrate other cultures.

That is why we are going to have...

A heritage fair!

I want everyone to pair up and present their culture

to the rest of the class.

Where are your family from, Gary?

Ireland.

- Tina? - England.

Ooh.

England and Ireland.

Tsk. Mixed marriage.

That, children, is what we call

multiculturalism. Hmm.

The United Nations, we were not.

Oh, and don't forget to say your prayers

for the good Catholics of the Philippines,

and Ritchie.

Our project is gonna be the best one ever.

- See ya. - See ya.

More unrest in Manilla as the protestors

- took to the streets to demand action. -

- Hey! We need to see that. Thomas amusements!

Over 15 rides for family fun!

- Coming to St. John's on Friday! - Ha!

I wanna go to the circus!

It's not a circus. It's just rides.

Dad gets a family pass every year from the station,

but I don't do rides.

I'm not afraid of heights, I'm... I'm afraid of lows.

It's falling to my death that I have a problem with.

I can watch you have fun from the safety of the ground.

Can I ask Fox? It's a family pass

and I need someone to ride with.

Fine, but that isn't important now.

- -

Boys!

Move your stuff! Dinner!

My favourite words at Ritchie's house.

Back home, the only spice in our food was salt,

Supper!

... and the occasional cigarette ash.

My supper was usually the same colour as the plate.

Ritchie's house opened up my virgin tastebuds

to a world of colour and flavour.

My favourite was sweet Filipino spaghetti.

It had little hot dogs

and the sauce tasted like melted Halloween candy.

Thank you, Lord, for this food

and the guests with whom we share our food...

Every night this week.

In your name we pray.

Amen.

Amen.

[DOG BARKS, BIRDS CHIRP, LAWNMOWER RUMBLES]

I was stuffed,

and Mrs. Perez had also had her fill... of me!

Mark, your mother's coming to get you.

Oh, forgot, she can't.

Our car is broken. I think I need a ride.

I told him you wouldn't mind, Mom.

Your father will take him.

Don't forget to tell your parents about the thing.

Oh? What thing?

Mark's got tickets to the circus this Friday.

Don't you remember?

You have to help with the lechon on Friday.

- Ooh, what's that? - We put a whole pig on a spit

then turn it until my arm falls off.

A pig roast? I'm in!

I'll bring my Don Ho records.

Oh, our church group is welcoming

some newly arrived kababayans.

Uh, I'm sorry, Mark, it's a Filipino thing.

Well, I'm practically Filipino!

Right, Ritchie?

Let's get you home, buddy.

So where do we stand on the circus?

Oh, thank you so much for the invitation,

but it's going to be a no.

- Family obligation. - But Mom!

I'm sorry, Mark!

I might not have been able to take a hint,

but I always took a ride.

I got a sandwich and chips. What'd you get?

Adobo.

Oh!

We should add an adobo panel to our project.

- - About that...

Oh? What?

Mom doesn't think we should work on

our heritage day project together anymore.

What? Why?

She said it was my heritage,

so I should present it on my own.

- - Nerd tax!

What's going on?

Don't tell me you two turds are getting a divorce?

We got a circus date.

I'm not going.

So, it's just me and him?

This isn't a date! You hear me, you little weirdo?

You're the one who said "date."

- No, I didn't! - Yeah, you did.

You said, "we got a circus date."

That was when it was the three of us.

You probably set it up like this, you little pervert.

I didn't even wanna go in the first place!

Sure as heck I don't want a date with you!

Good! I don't either.

- Good! - Better not be late for it!

- Okay! - I'm serious!

- Fine! - Good!

That's totally a date.

Hmm.

Ugh! Mom, what's for supper?

Ah, a bit o' meat fried up in a pan.

- Mmm. - Exotic.

"The...

family spent hundreds of...

on their...

and a lavish...

with real...

pearls."

Mark, where are my words?

I'm sorry.

I was just using it for my heritage day project on the Philippines.

Philippines?

That's not your heritage.

You're a Newfoundlander, my son.

I mean, this place is practically maggoty with culture.

I mean, do a project on us!

No, Pop. It's gotta be about somewhere real.

- He can't do Newfoundland. - Real?!

Well, what's this? Narnia?

My God, Newfoundlanders practically invented culture.

We used to have our own country

'til that asshole voted it out of existence.

Newfoundland was once its own country,

but we became Canada's 10th province

by a vote of just 52%.

A fact that was like a constant gas leak at our house,

and Pop was the match.

All right, all right. Look, I voted to join Canada

so that we'd have a better future for all of us.

And what did Canada ever do for me?

Oh, that reminds me.

Your Canada pension cheque came.

Oh God, I've been looking all over for that!

Hey, Mark, come with me.

I've got a trunk full of culture.

- - Do I have to go?

I don't see how you're gettin' out of it.

Mark! Get your arse in here!

The Philippines: The Pearl of the Orient