People, Places, Things

Dad, I made this flower for you.

Oh, thank you. Exactly what I needed.

Hey, don't think about eating that cake yet, Clio, please.

- Oh, please! -Thank you. Have you seen your mother?

No!

Whoa, there, slugger. Watch out, don't concuss anyone.

There you go. Could someone super... Adult supervise them?

Hey, Meanne. Have you seen Charlie anywhere?

I don't see anything.

The party's outside.

That's not your cape. I know your parents.

I just, I... I don't think I want to have kids with you.

And it's not your fault, it's not anything you've done, it's just that...

Hey, have you guys seen Charlie?

Who's Charlie?

Have a great party.

Charlie?

Oh, wait. Wait...

It's not what you think.

I think you've been having sex.

Okay... It is what you think.

But you pushed me into this.

I was just looking for the matches.

- I think I better go. - No, stay.

- I want you to be here. - I'd really like to go.

- Yeah, why don't you go? - He's not going anywhere.

Okay, well, could he at least put on a shirt?

This isn't about him!

No, I know, it's about us but...

I would feel more comfortable if he had a shirt on.

Fine. Sure...

There. Is that better?

No, of course not, that's much worse.

I don't care!

Stop looking!

What happened? I thought we were happy.

You thought we were happy?

Well, happiness is not really a sustainable condition...

- Right. See what I mean? - Just take it easy.

I'm sure it's really hard for him to process all of this so suddenly.

- Shut up! - Hey, man, I'm...

I know that you're upset, but I'm just, I'm trying to help here.

I'm gonna fight you.

Please don't. Don't do that.

There are children downstairs...

- Whoa! Oh, my God! - (GRUNTING)

No, no.

Careful! Will...

Ah... Easy...

- Stop holding me! - (SHUSHES)

- Get your arms off my arms. - (SHUSHES) Calm down, calm down.

The kids are ready to go.

Take it easy! - Never mind.

Let me go. I'm gonna punch you!

I'm not gonna do that until you calm down.

Forget it, Will. It's over.

Ow!

- What's over? - Us.

Us? What, just like that?

It didn't happen just like that.

We have kids.

Don't drag them into this.

What do you mean, "Don't drag them into this?"

They're having a birthday party downstairs.

It takes a lot of courage to try and change your life.

Oh, yeah...

Well, I admire your bravery.

Don't be bitter, Will. It doesn't suit you.

Don't be bitter?

How should I be?

I love you.

Then what's the problem?

The problem is...

I don't love my life.

- I'm sorry. - Oh, you're sorry?

- I'm sorry, too. Yeah. - Are you?

- Okay, who wants cake? Let's blow it out. -Me...

- Okay, here's a tiny, tiny bit for you. - (GIGGLING)

I can't believe you guys are six years old.

It's like it was yesterday you were five.

It was yesterday, Dad.

You know what I mean.

Uh, who wants presents?

Me!

Okay.

I got you iPads.

They're not iPads.

Oh, hey! Hey, Charlie, how are you?

- Yeah, we're at the park. How's the girls?

- Oh, yeah, I made them some kites. - Oh, okay.

Yeah, I made them myself. No...

No, you know... No, myself, I made them.

- Oh, wow. - Yeah, they're flying.

Well, they're, they're kind of flying. Yeah.

Hey, uh, I hope you don't mind, the girls asked,

if they could stay a little bit longer.

Okay.

- Great. Are you sure you don't mind? - Yeah.

Okay, yeah I'll have them back before bed, yeah.

I don't want them eating pizza.

Okay, thanks a lot.

Hey, girls, your mom asked if I could keep you guys busy a little longer.

Sound okay?

Yeah?

Ah.

- Oh, hey. - Hey, Gary.

Girls...

Hey, Gary. - (GARY CHUCKLES)

Uh... I'll get Charlie.

Um, Charlie!

- You can go in... - Hi, girls!

Oh, hi! Happy birthday!

Oh my God, those are so cool. Go show Gary your kites!

Those are awesome.

Have a great week, girls!

Does he have to answer the door?

He thought you were the Thai food.

Not surprising.

Um, can I talk to you?

- Sure. - Uh, not now. Tomorrow?

Noon, Ted and Honey. I'll buy you a cookie.

Are you okay?

Yeah, noon... Noon's fine.

Good night, girls, I love you!

Bye, Dad, love you too!

Hey. You're lonely.

Sorry I'm late.

I promised you a cookie. I promised. -I'm fine.

- It's okay. - I promised.

- Oatmeal chocolate chip. - No, I said I was fine.

- It's your favorite. - I'm not...

- Take a bite. -I'm trying to give up sugar...

- It's your favorite. You should take a bite. -Thank you.

How's work?

Teaching? It's good.

Gives me an excuse to put off the book.

- You should be doing both. - I know.

I've been getting over a big break-up.

I'm well. Thanks for asking.

Oh, how are you?

I'm taking improv classes.

- Oh, that's funny. - Why is that funny?

No, I just mean...

Is it supposed to funny? Improv?

I don't know much about it.

There's a lot more to it than just being funny.

Oh.

Gary thinks I have a lot of unexplored talent.

Does he?

I'm sure you do then.

- Gary wants to get married. - What?

I know, it's crazy, I...

I still don't know how I feel about it.

What did you tell him?

I don't know, I'm still thinking about it.

I thought you never wanted to get married.

I know.

You said it was the surest way to ruin a relationship.

Well, not getting married doesn't seem to work either.

Are you kidding me?

Look, I know this is sudden

but if I'm going to do this, I'd really like your support.

I thought you were still thinking about it.

I am. I am still thinking about it.

You're thinking right now about it, as we speak?

I'm pregnant.

Oh. Oh, wow.

Is it his?

- Of course it's his! - Just asking.

Look, I just want to know there's going to be someone there when I'm old and gross.

I was going to be there.

Don't.

- I think I should go. - Why?

I don't know.

Just feels like what I should do right now.

- Will? - Yeah?

Take the cookie.

Okay, great.

"Why does life suck..." Double underline... "So hard?"

Any thoughts?

Because people are selfish and petty.

I love that passion, but no.

It doesn't?

No, life sucks because my ex left me for an Off-Broadway monologist

who just knocked her up and asked her to marry him.

Now Gary is going to see my daughters more than I do.

He's going to live in my old house,

he's going to take over my family

while I eke out a lonely existence in a studio apartment in Astoria.

Have you been to Astoria?

I think like once, for a party or something.

- Yeah, once. - What's a monologist?

It's like a comedian without the jokes.

- That's a thing? - Yeah, that's a thing.

According to the MacArthur Foundation, it's a thing.