Almost There

Ohh.

Oh!

Oh, fuck.

Oh.

Ohh.

Oh, shit. Fuck.

Oh, god. Fuck.

Fuck.

Carter?

Coop? Coop, are you there? Coop.

What are you doing? Where are you?

I'm at Harty's. Where are you?

I'm at my home.

And I'm not at my home in the city.

I'm at my--

Coop, you've gotta come and meet me.

Coop, are you there?

Yeah.

I, uh, I'm in some deep shit, Carter.

Dude, I am so-- I am such deep shit, too, man.

No. This is deeper than that. This is, like, really deep.

Like, what are you talking, like 6-feet-under deep?

This is like bottom-of-the-ocean caliber deep.

I'm center-of-the-earth deep, man.

Okay. That's pretty deep.

I'm in my childhood home, I'm naked,

and I'm with my high-school girlfriend.

Wow.

And I think my mom is probably listening in at the door.

Wow. That is some deep shit, Carter.

My mom pimped me out, too.

You mean she got paid to fix you up?

No. I'm saying that as a metaphor.

- A metaphor for what? - I don't know.

Maybe it's not a metaphor. Maybe it's what I meant.

I-I'm not thinking rationally right now.

Dude, me neither.

What's going on with you?

Oh, god. God. I am so fucked.

Okay, how fucked, though? Tell me.

- Carter. - Go!

My boss' daughter.

Is she a student?

Yes.

Your boss' daughter is a student?

Yes, Carter. You're not helping.

She's right here. She's in the bed.

I gotta get out of here.

- Is she naked? - Yes, she's naked.

So is mine, but-- but in tights.

Dude, what have I done? - What have I done?

You've gotta come and meet me, all right?

You gotta talk me off the ledge, man.

Yeah, me too. Ledge.

Cafe latte, cedar street in 20 minutes.

Oh, morning, Coop. You're up early.

Hey, yeah. Yes.

Great. Great.

Hey, kid.

Nice girl you got up there.

Okay.

I can't remember anything.

Coffee, I need coffee.

I need coffee.

Okay, here's what I know-- I went to my room,

and she was there, and then nothing.

I don't remember anything after that.

Think I should call her?

- What? Who? - Holly.

She's probably having marmalade and toast with mother.

Ugh, shit. Shit. Shit.

Is she over 18?

She's like 20. Does that make it okay?

It's legal.

Carter, I'm gonna lose my job.

Maybe it's not as bad as you think.

Okay, here's what I know. There was wine.

Good. Wine's classy.

And then there was tons of cognac.

- I don't drink cognac. - Ugh, cognac.

Remember Dodi Pearson's wedding?

Now, that got ugly in a hurry.

- I do remember. - You got all cognac-ed up.

You jumped on the stage. You grabbed the Mike.

- Remember what you said? - You going to remind me?

You're like, "I love you, Dodi, and you're my best friend,

and I'm just so glad that you finally found someone to marry

because you're so ugly."

I was trying to make a joke.

No, but she's actually ugly, so it got really awkward.

- You're making it worse, Carter. - Don't drink cognac, my friend.

Thank you for the reminder. Oh, good, coffee. Here we go.

Hi. Good morning, gents.

Hello, we would like to order some coffee, please.

Uh, that table is reserved.

It's, uh-- there's nobody else here.

Is reserved.

Okay, let's just move.

We'll-- we'll change to this table over here.

He's saving it for the prime minister of Italy

for his never visit to Westchester.

Well, hey, uh, Mumford. What's-- what's going on?

What?

Why are you dressed like little lord Fauntleroy?

Uh, I-- I got dressed in a hurry.

Is this appropriate? Here, sir, this good?

Thank you. Okay.

Do you like some coffee, Espresso?

Yes, Espresso would be great, desperately.

Some Espresso would be great.

Yes, I'll have, uh--

Oh, scusi.

But could we--

what's happening? We...

What is this? It's like "the godfather" in here.

Look, if you go to the bathroom,

you get a gun, you come back and shoot me,

I'm going to be very pissed at you.

Please lower your voice. Your voice carries.

- But this is crazy. - Stop, will you?

They can hear you, okay? Just stay with me right now.

Help me through this problem, okay?

I'm a good person, with the exception

of my Dodi Pearson moment.

I'm a good guy, right? - Is he coming back over?

Excuse me. - Hey, hey.

- This is crazy. - Okay.

This is crazy. Is he serious?

Just stay with me right now, okay? Focus.

Let's just hash our shit out together, okay?

- Okay. - Together.

Yes, I'm focused. I'm with you.

Okay, here's what's gonna happen.

I think I'm gonna lose my job. I'm gonna lose apartment.

I am going to lose every shred of dignity I've ever had.

I am fucked, Carter.

Yeah, you-- you are.

Great. That's it?

Yeah, well, look, we're fucked, all right?

The whole thing is fucked,

but we're going to get through this, okay,

because we're smart and you're very handsome.

Okay?

Thank you.

What is this?

Hello, can we help you?

- Espresso? - Uh, yes, please.

Double, thanks. - Yes.

Espresso for you, too?

No, I'd like an iced coffee.

We don't sell iced coffee.

- But you sell coffee. - Si.

- Do you have ice? - Si.

But you don't have iced coffee?

No.

Okay, well, will you-- thank you.

I just-- there's no iced coffee?

Order something else, will you?

This doesn't make any sense. I'm the customer.

It's not like I'm ordering a Slurpee.

Carter, shh. Will you lower your voice?

Hello, please, an iced coffee! That's all I--

- shut your face. - Why?

Because...

Because the Goodfellas are giving us

the stink-eye right now.

You know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to go home to my apartment.

I'm going to pretend that I'm sick,

and then I'm going to do everything within my power

to not go back to Harty's house.

Why isn't he making our c--

hey, will you listen to me?

Do you want to leave?

No, I want my iced coffee.

I feel flush. Do I look flush?

You look hungover.

Feeling a little panicked.

All right. All right. All right.

- Hey, Cooper. - Yeah?

Look, you're an adult. She's an adult.

You didn't do anything wrong.

She's a student, Carter.

She's a student, and she was born in the '90s, the mid '90s.

I have never, in my life,

not remembered what happened the night before.

I mean, at my age, to black out...

What is that? That's ridiculous.

Maybe your brain is doing something to try to protect you.