Cougar Town

So what are we doing tonight?

What are we doing? We're drinking a bottle of wine.

I got another one waiting for us in the on-deck circle.

That's what we're doing.

Oh, the stay-at-home-and-drink date.

Always dangerous. Alcohol makes it harder to filter yourself.

You'd make a pretty girl.

And we're off.

Seriously. I have a skirt that's a little too big for me,

And god knows, you've got the legs.

All we gotta do is shave you down,

- And then tuck some stuff back up. - No tucking.

All right, fine. Then we won't have fun.

Can we at least have some serious share time?

I'll start off with a classic...

How many people have you slept with?

Six. Oh, wait. Are we counting people that we wish we hadn't?

Yeah.

All right, nine and a half. What about you?

- 8... - Really?

3. 83. 183.

Most of it happened when I was in college.

Uh, I was in a boy band called 'da booty crew.

- "don't hold that against me." - well...

I'm not, I'm not saying that to you.

That was the name of our first single...

"girl, don't hold that against me."

why I feel like there's a lot of lying

Going on during share time?

There is. Let's go have naked share time.

Okay.

Don't hit my head on the railing again.

Okay.

Evening, jeff. Hey, travis.

Spin me around.

Hey, travis. Jeff picked me up 'cause I saw a spider.

Thanks for still caring enough to lie.

Mm. Good night.

Mwah. Good night. Onward.

Anyway, since I had sex with jeff last night

Even though I was tired, he was so grateful

That he drove to that new bakery 40 minutes away

And got me those homemade jelly doughnuts.

That's weird, 'cause ellie loves those very same doughnuts.

- Yeah. - Did any of that really happen,

Or did ellie just make you say that?

All right, ellie, I tried. I don't know.

When we have sex, I want those doughnuts!

No. Where's jeff? He'll back me up on this.

Jeff took travis to bobby's.

They're playing some sort of game.

I'm, I'm, I'm sorry. Wait. What's happening?

Just go.

Ohh! It's good!

Boys, the penny-n game is

The best thing I've ever created in my entire lif

And thank you, dad.

Now if the penny goes in the can, you get a point.

If it doesn't, you don't. It's very chess-like.

I wouldn't know. Now, ladies, warm-up's over.

Me and trav versus you.

The first team to 1,000 points wins.

Are you guys playing penny-can? Is it finally real?

It is, baby. All right, first round, rapid-fire. Me.

Ooh! Trav. Jeff. G-man.

I feel a little weird.

Why? Because you spent the night on the second date?

Because you didn't try to have sex with me.

I mean, I guess it's nice to wake up with my panties on.

I just don't know what to make of it.

are you gay? It's okay if you are.

I have turned a lot of gay dudes straight,

Although that could just be a line that guys use on me

Because they know how much I love a challenge.

We didn't have sex, But I feel like we did plenty of other things that sent

A very clear heterosexual message out to the world.

And I say "the world," because the walls

In this apartment complex are crazy-thin

- And you are somewhat vocal. - it's okay, smith.

- Oh, thanks, mrs. Mendelson. - And nice to meet you, laurie.

Aw, you, too, helen. She's a cool old bird.

Laurie, I didn't try to sleep with you because I like you.

Okay? But we've only been on two dates,

And I'm going back to law school tomorrow.

If I had sex with you and then disappeared for three months,

You'd never give me a chance when I got back,

And I want a chance. Okay?

Okay.

Okay, should we sit boy, girl, boy, girl?

Oh, stop pretending Like you're not just gonna talk to her the whole night.

Yeah, you're right.

Okay, would you order some wine? And I'll have a steak.

And you want some pasta so I can have some.

See you in about an hour. Hour and a half.

Good night have fun, ladies.

Okay, um...

I miss penny-can.

Scott, if we're going to have this baby,

Some things have to change.

Nice shot.

9-4, me.

All right, that guy's coffee cup.

okay, time for group talk.

Let's dive in. So you two in love?

Dive in less. Oh, that's why I married you.

He gets a couple drinks in him,

And he starts dropping the question bombs.

How do you feel about having babies in your 40s?

no, seriously.

Are you two exclusive or are you seeing other people?

Please stop.

No, I'll take this one.

Um, jules is incredible,

And I don't want to to see other people, but that's just me.

You'll have to ask jules what she thinks.

Ellie, bomb noise.

Thank you. I'm gonna go order us another bottle of wine,

Because I need to drink more immediately. Excuse me.

Sweetie, we're gonna get deep, so go take a restaurant walk.

Oh. I love a good restaurant walk.

So what do you think? I don't know.

I really like jeff, and I'm not dang anyone else.

I mean, not that I would date two guys

At the same time anyway, because in grade school,

This nun told me if I kiss two boys in the same day,

Their spit would mix in my mouth and it would kill me.

religion is fantastic.

Still, I mean, being exclusive... that's just so serious.

I don't think I'm ready for that yet with anyone.

That boy is in demand. Lo at those women.

They're breaking out the classic flirt moves.

Oh, my god.

There's the accidental-bump-and-smile.

and there's the old oh-it's-so-hot-in-here-

I-have-to-dab-ice- on-my-cleavage.

Oh, and then just a blatant

You-can-smack-my-ass- if-you-want-to.

Who does that?

Jules?

Thank you.

Let's be exclusive.

You sure?

I'm sure.

Attagirl.

What? In my head, the song is about teenage pregnancy.

That's a bit of a leap. I want to write music that matters, jeff.

You know why brunch Saturday kicks ass?

It's got orange juice that can make me feel buzzy.

We don't have champagne. It's beer and orange juice, baby.

That's gross.

Oh! I need more ice in mine.

I'll make them.

Ahh. I like that guy. Great vocals.

Yeah, and those shoulders...

He's definitely built a few sheds. Right?

Mm, he'd look great in a skirt. What?

What? Oh, I'm glad you guys like him,

Because we actually are getting...

Kinda serious.

So he's not just date-of-the-week guy?

He's for real?

Yeah. He is.

Great. That's so good for you. Cool. Oh, good.

Where the hell are andy and ellie?

Oh. See? Now letting you climb all over me this morning

Was totally worth it.

- I got two, in case tonight we wanna... - that's not how that works.

Well, I'm leaving, so I guess this is, uh, good-bye.

No, no, no. No good-byes.

Good-byes put me in a very destructive place.

But my plane leaves in an hour, so...

Yes, and I'm going to pretend that you're not going anywhere.

That way I don't have to get all violent

- And spend the day kicking stuff. - Maybe I'll just kiss you and split.

That's a better idea.

Do you think that's it's weird or sexy

To kiss with your eyes open?

Well, it's so weird I may never want to kiss again.

Here, let me fix it.

That's better.

- I gotta get going. - Me, too. I'll catch you later.

- Bobby, no, wait. Don't go. - Seriously, want him more.

- I can't. - Why are those two so mopey?

You know that secret I've been keeping since thanksgiving?

Well, I'm sick of the heartburn and the stress,

So I'm just gonna let it out. Okay.

Bobby and grayson are both kind of interested in jules.

You mean to tell me that the overly flirty neighbor

And the ex-husband who is never not here both like jules?

That is a revelation!

- You done? - I can't believe it!

I'm a... I'm a little dizzy. I'm flabbergasted!

I... oh, oh. What? I have to sit.

I knew jules would eventually date someone she cared about.

I just didn't think it'd be so soon.

It feels weird for us to be talking about this.

Good weird?

That's, uh, not actually a phrase.

When's the last time you were in a real relationship?

With my wife.