Standing Still

"Boobskies!"

This is to sort of give you an example. It's not easy. Okay.

* Swing And-- See? Not easy, all right?

I'm not a professional. I've got professional money.

* In this tree

Okay.

* Oh, I am bounce around so well * I'm studying. Stop.

* Branch to branch Limb to limb *

* You see

* All in a day's dream

* I am stuck

* Like the other monkeys here

* I am a humble monkey

* Sitting up in here again

- * But then came the day - You gotta have confidence,

and, uh, well, frankly, balls. * I climbed out

* Of these safe limbs

* Ventured away

- * Walking tall Head high up and singing * -

* I went to the city

* Car horns, corners and the gritty *

* Now I am the proudest monkey *

* You ever seen

* Monkey see Monkey do, yeah *

Go like that-- And see?

Look at that. That's golden. And I didn't scratch.

* Then comes the day

* Staring at myself I turn to question me *

* I wonder do I want the simple, simple life *

* That I once lived in well *

Oh. Mmm.

Ahh.

I love morning sex. Yeah.

Yeah. Sex is good. Mmm.

Sex is a good thing.

We're good. Yes, we are.

We are good together.

Hmm. What?

No. Why-Why-Why'd you do that?

You can't smoke in front of me.

Since when? Since I quit.

When did that happen?

Oh, last week.

Uh, you haven't noticed.

Well, I think that's a little bit-- a little bit selfish of you.

I need a partner in my addictions.

My mama didn't raise no quitters.

So you quit smoking.

What would possess you to do something like that?

Um, well, actually, um--

Holy shit! What?

What-What? I have a gray hair.

Rich.

I do. Right here-- Right in the middle of my forehead.

Good God. That's what happens when you get older.

I was over at Quentin's the other day,

and I'm looking through his extensive collection of Playboys, right?

And I remember when I was a kid,

looking at "centerfolds" and thinking,

"I could never get a woman like that, because she's so much older than me."

And I'm looking at this centerfold, and guess how old she was, Sam.

- How old? - Nineteen.

She was 19 years old.

I'm 25 now. It's just--

I feel old.

You're not old. You're just... growing up.

Everyone's growing up now.

Now my best friend is getting fucking married.

That's so bad?

I think it's a little bit sudden, yeah.

Uh, could you... not do that?

Michael and Elise have been together almost as long as we have--

About half a decade.

So how long do you think it takes? What?

Getting married.

It's different for different people. It's--

What about for you?

- Where are you going with this? - Well, we were on the subject, and I just...

sort of want to know.

How long would it take you?

Are you proposing to me?

I don't know.

I guess I'll let you figure it out.

* I met a girl I'd like to know better *

* But I'm already with someone *

* I met a girl I'd like to know better *

* But I'm already with someone *

* Everyone stands-- * Morning. How long have you been standing there?

Long enough. Is it too late to back out of the wedding?

Don't even think about it.

You're not getting off that easy.

Sam and Rich still asleep?

Man, they went straight to bed after the rehearsal.

Yeah. They must be tired from the drive.

What's with the salads?

Well, you know how everybody is.

Jen doesn't like iceberg in hers, and Lana can't have anything that's not green,

and Simon has that fear of cucumbers,

so I'm just being prepared.

Right. Well, I'm sure they'll understand if it's not perfect.

Yeah. I-- I won't. Right.

Repeat after me. Okay.

Everything is going to be fine.

Everything is going to be fine.

That's not my dog.

Uh-- Well, you're Lana Hatcher, right?

Yeah, but that's not the dog that I left here.

Uh-- Yeah, it is.

All right, Steve,

but the dog that I left here came in for a bath, not a haircut.

He was a cute, shaggy, salty-looking dog.

Th-That's-- That's fucked up.

Look, lady,

I wasn't here when they did it, so I don't know what you want from me.

Well, I'm-- I'm not paying for it.

- Uh-- - I'm not.

Know what? I really don't care.

Yeah. Good.

Come here, baby.

What did they do to you?

No, no. Look, dipshit.

You're coming, all right? Mikey is tying the knot.

Fuck this "I'm in Mexico, I can't make it" shit.

What the hell are you doing in Mexico anyways?

- I had to see about a girl. - You had to see about a girl?

Yeah. This is not Good Will Hunting.

All right? I am not Robin Williams. You have no idea.

Frank and I have come up with some amazing shit.

Okay. Just promise me that you'll be at Mikey's by 6:00, okay?

Done. Listen. Don't forget to talk to the studio about the jet.

All right. I got it. Richie's here. Gotta go.

- Richie's there? Ho, ho. Tell Richie I-- - Fuckin' actors, man.

They win one Golden Globe, they think the whole world revolves around them.

- Right now I gotta talk to you-- -

Hold that thought.

Quentin Rockford.

Quentin, this is Frank from Old Pictures about that project.

Yeah? Yeah, we gotta get Celia...

to take her top off. Hey, fuck you and your dirty fucking mother.

All right? She's not taking her shirt off, you son of a bitch.

Hey, hey, hold on. We're willing to-- to pay for it.

Listen, I'm sorry about that. What were you saying?

- It's gonna be very tasteful. - Yeah?

And, uh-- How much?

Well, an extra $1,000. Hey, shirt's gone, buddy. Fax me the contract.

- All right, thanks. -

You have absolutely no scruples. Oh, please.

Look, it's not like I'm telling Meryl Streep to flash her bush, all right?

It's Sylvia fuckin' Carmen. She whips her tits out every time she gets drunk.

At least this way she gets paid for it.

So what did you want to talk to me about, man? You look like shit.

I think Samantha asked me to marry her this morning.

- You think? - Yeah. She said she was gonna leave it up to me.

To, like, what? Say yes or no?

To decide whether or not...

she actually asked me the question.

Are you kiddin' me?

Nope.

You get married-- Would you be happy?

I think so.

You cross that fuckin' bridge, you better know so.

All right? Divorce is a motherfucker, man.

I got 37 clients going through it right now,

and it is not pretty.

Okay, now, playing devil's advocate,

let's say you don't get married.

- Now how would you feel? - I'd miss her.

Ah! See? That--

Would you miss her, or miss fucking her?

Either you don't want to fuck anyone else for the rest of your life,

or you don't want to imagine...

someone else fucking the girl you're currently fucking...

for the rest of their lives.

All right? So promise me that you are going to think about this, okay?

And you're not just gonna head off...

to some drive-through chapel in Vegas, okay?

- Okay. - Okay.

Oh, shit. We're running late. We gotta go.

Shit.

House looks great.

See why your grandpa left it to you.

I'm clean now, Michael.

Hey, you don't have to listen to me if you don't want to,

but I'm trying here, Michael.

You show up on my doorstep on the weekend of my wedding,

and you expect me to-to forget everything?

- To forgive you? - Michael? Is everything okay?

It's fine.

I-I was just at the kitchen window and I saw-- Hi.

You must be Elise. Baby, can you go inside?

Yeah. I'm sorry. Who are you? I'm Jonathan.

Hi.

I'd, uh-- I'd say I was in the neighborhood,

but I think we'd all know I was lying.

Yeah. I'm, uh, staying at the Crest Ridge Motel.

If you need anything, either of you--

Right. Okay.

Bye.

What's going on? I don't know.

I don't know what the fuck he was doing here.