Man with a Plan

Guys, this... is a dishwasher. Okay?

This is not a dishwasher.

We know what a dishwasher is.

Okay. Well, then, show me by putting your dishes in there.

It's full of wine glasses.

When you have kids, you'll understand.

Come on.

Hi.

Hey.

How was Bingo with your mom?

How do you think it was?

Four hours stuck in a hot room

with a bunch of senior citizens.

And it took forever to call each number.

"B9."

"What?!"

"B9."

"What?!"

And then this 90-year-old woman grabbed my thigh.

And I said "Hey, hands off" and she said "What?"

Well, you've always been catnip for the blue hairs.

Yeah. Oh!

I did finally win a prize.

A pill organizer.

But I think it's used,

'cause there's an aspirin in Friday.

I'll put it with the compression socks you won last week.

Ever since my mom got on this Bingo kick, it's every week.

My dad won't take her,

you won't take her...

Wait. Why don't you ever take her?

Well, I told her I don't like Bingo.

I may have also said that you love it.

So you did this to me?

Bingo.

Honey, you know, your mom is just

sitting around that house all day with your dad.

She's probably bored out of her mind.

That's what it is!

Look at the big brain on you.

To stop Bingo at night,

we need to find a way to tire her out during the day.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Don't you have volunteers at the hospital?

Actually, your mom would love that.

Yeah. Why not give her to the sick people?

They're already not having fun.

Okay, I'll get her signed up.

Great. Great.

Oh. And as a thank you, please accept this

state-of-the-art bunion shaver.

- Ooh. - Really?

I was on a hot streak.

Oh, I'm so nervous.

My first day as a volunteer.

Hey. Dropped the kids off at school.

Uh, fair warning, Teddy lost his hard-boiled egg in your car.

I moved the seat back to try to find it,

but I think I may have just crushed it.

Look at me, sweetie.

I'm a working girl, like Mary Tyler Moore.

If I had a hat, I'd throw it in the air.

She knows she's not getting paid, right?

Hey, I took her off your hands. Don't rock the boat.

All right, look. Just keep her moving

so she's too tired for Bingo.

Maybe don't tell her about the elevators.

- Hmm? - Okay.

I solve problems, that's what I do.

You still scream like a little girl, son.

What are you doing here?

I don't want to sit alone in an empty house,

so I'm with you now.

Wha... Mom's going to be volunteering

at the hospital every day.

Then I'll be with you every day.

But I have to go to work.

Great, we'll go to work.

We just need to stop off

and get me my morning Dr. Pepper.

There's a can in the fridge.

Oh, no, no. It's gotta be draft,

with chewable ice, in a foam cup,

the way the good Lord intended.

- Ah. - I know where we can get it.

There's a place out by the airport.

Oh, great. Yeah.

I was just thinking how much I want to drive to the airport.

All right.

After we get your airport soda,

we need to run by the lumberyard.

What about breakfast?

Why didn't you make yourself something in the house?

I don't cook my own food.

Somebody does it for me.

I'm grandfathered into that.

What does that mean?

It means I risked my life fighting commies,

so somebody else makes my chow.

- You hear that? - Hmm?

You hear?

Huh?

- You know what that sound is? - Huh?

That means put your seat belt on.

I don't have to do that, I'm grandfathered into that, too.

I'll just fly safely through the windshield.

How 'bout this soda, Donny? Oh...

Great job, Pop.

It's delicious...

and it looks like it made Adam really mad.

I can't hear you.

All I can hear is "bong bong bong."

Oh, Adam, the insulation guys called.

They can meet you at 9:00 tomorrow.

Okay, great.

Oh, no, no, no. That's not going to work.

We need to buy my lottery tickets at 9:00.

That's my lucky time.

How is it lucky if you've never won?

Every time I don't win, I'm building up my luck.

That's how it works.

- Hey, Dad. - What?

Want to chase the crew around with the forklift?

Is a duck's ass watertight?

Listen, Don.

You have got to take Dad off my hands.

No way, he wanders off.

I lost him in Target once.

I had to use that red phone and everything.

I love father and son time.

Once a year, my father and I go hunting for Bigfoot.

I take what I can get.

Just tell Dad you have stuff to do

and he needs to entertain himself.

I can't do that to the old guy.

I'll just suck it up.

How bad can it be?

What are these guys doing?

The light's green.

Hey. Hey, hey, hey.

What are you doing?

You can't honk another man's horn.

Yes, I can, I'm grandfathered in.

Hey.

There's four guys in that truck.

And now they're getting out. Great.

That's why you don't put your seat belt on.

- It's go time! - Hey!

You are 75 years old.

Go time is over.

Here's your "middle of the day" Dr. Pepper.

Sorry it took so long,

they were doing roadwork down by the airport.

Nice try.

This is from the Shell station down the street.

How are you so good at this?

What's this?

Cream for my dry skin.

Why are you giving it to me?

You have to rub it on me.

What?

Not everywhere, just the places I can't reach.

Hey, honey.

How was your day?

My dad has a cream, Andi.

That I have to apply.

Oh, boy.

I'm sorry, honey.

Eesh.

Well, you know, if it helps,

your mom is having a blast at the hospital.

Well, I can't do another day.

Okay, I-I think you're overreacting.

Oh, really? Am I?

Am I? Am I overreacting?

I am more and more confident the answer is yes.

Let me show you something.

Ooh.

What's in that cream?

Your hands are so soft.

Bong bong bong bong.

I'm hearing it in my sleep now.

Oho, and this is the best part.

Look, Andi, it's my dad.

In our bed.

Where's Bev?

She volunteered to stay for the late shift.

Okay. What's for dinner?

Pizza.

I... I was thinking meatloaf.

Okay, well,

um, meatloaf takes a while, Joe.

Well, I got a good run of game shows here,

I don't mind waiting.

Adam... get him out of there.

You need to wrangle your filly, boy.

I don't think she's the problem.

It's not my fault.

- Your mother changed the plan. - What plan?

For our golden years.