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I raided Lily's medicine cabinet.

She sometimes gets headaches. That's a hell of a headache.

I think we need a second opinion.

Even if you do go with another doctor,

I'm gonna stick around. Aren't you Blair Waldorf?

We haven't read about you on "Gossip Girl" in forever.

You read "Gossip Girl"?

Of course. Everyone at Columbia does.

I called your cell to explain everything.

I even left a message with Jenny.

She's lying. I never talked to her.

Just get out. There's only one spot

For transfer students, and I didn't get it.

It was me. I got the spot.

Why weren't you honest with me?

What, like you were honest with me, going behind my back

To apply for the one thing I wanted more than anything?

The reason I couldn't talk to you earlier-

It's not about my dad. It was about my mom.

She's sick, and I don't know what's gonna happen.

It's not working exactly as I'd hoped.

I need you to write Lily another prescription.

I doubt the authorities

Would be pleased to know what you've been doing.

It's said that we're all strapped to fortune's wheel...

Nowhere is this truer

Than the ever-changing landscape of love.

As one couple enjoys an upswing...

Another is plunged downwards.

But top or bottom, don't get too comfortable,

Because the one thing you can rely on

Is that the wheel will keep on turning.

All right, I'm heading to my mom's for breakfast.

Hey, hey, hey. You're coming in late and leaving early all week.

I'm starting to feel cheap.

Oh, I'm sorry I haven't been around much lately.

Just with everything going so well with my dad-

Hey, Serena, no worries.

Okay? Mm.

Look, I love being your crash pad,

But, you know, maybe you'd feel better if you moved back in

With your mom while she's getting her treatment. And have to see Jenny's lying face first thing in the morning?

No, thank you.

That is not the same girl Chuck came home with last night.

Has he, uh, come to talk to Lily yet?

Do you want me to talk to him?

No, I already tried, but thank you.

I'm gonna come to your lacrosse game after brunch.

Judge away. Shame turns me on.

Hey, man, she's going to Lily's for brunch.

Maybe a stack of waffles will help your hangover?

I find the cause is the best cure.

I gotta go. So I will see you later at the library,

And I'm sorry about before

With the Tisch catalog.

It's fine.

Dan, I don't know how to do this.

We've been tiptoeing around each other for days.

Look, we're-we're two artists in a relationship,

And sometimes we're gonna be competing for the same things,

So, all right, we're- we're-we're smart people.

Let's come up with... Some rules,

A list of topics that are off-limits.

Isn't that what got us in trouble with Tisch?

No, no. This will be different,

Because we'll know... What we don't know.

Hey, listen to me. I'm quoting Donald Rumsfeld.

Okay, until the sting of Tisch has worn off,

I- I don't think we should talk about classes.

Like, if-if you're taking playwriting with Sam Shepard,

It may hurt my heart,

But if you take intro to mime, I need to know everything.

I want to be with you when you buy your leotard and your beret. Playwriting competitions-

I think we can go out for the same ones,

But we can't read each other's submissions.

And looking forward, I guess it's the same thing

With internships and jobs.

So the only things we can talk about openly

Are-are politics,

"jersey shore"...

And where we want to eat... Which reminds me, I actually,

Um, I need to get ready.

I'm gonna be late for breakfast at my dad's.

Are you sure you don't want to come?

No, I'm sorry. I, uh, I have something.

Oh, oh, is it something related to our list?

Actually, yeah.

Well, thank you for not sharing.

See? I can't believe how much easier that is.

Ooh! Another sext session with your new b.F.?

Okay, I'd hardly call Elliot a boyfriend.

Between me spending all my time with my mom

And him being in every club in school,

We haven't even been on a first date.

Hey. Still using cooking as therapy? yeah.

Ooh. Excuse me.

Sorry.

Good morning, everyone. Oh, look at all of this food.

It's obscene.

You okay? How are you feeling? Can I get you something?

Please, everyone, relax. What I need is

For the people who love me to treat me like they always do.

Has anybody heard from Chuck?

Yeah, uh, he's-he's sorry he couldn't make it.

Charles has the right idea.

If he were here, then I'd really worry.

Anyway, one thing I'll say about William's treatment...

Is that I have not lost my appetite. I want waffles.

Music to my ears. Dad.

What's he doing here? I invited him.

Hmm.

Looks great, Lil. Really great.

So I hope you'll all join me

For this doctors without borders gala tomorrow at Columbia.

I must admit, I feel a bit silly about the whole thing.

Clearly, Columbia's run out of alumni to honor,

If the best they could come up with is... Me.

False humility-check.

I'll be there.

I hope you don't mind. I invited Nate and Blair.

I really want them to get to know you. Terrific. I'd be honored.

Well, Rufus and I would love to come.

Uh, why don't you grab a plate? Help yourself.

What? He left when I was 2.

The man's a total stranger to me. You have to at least give him a chance.

No, I don't. Okay, everyone. Let's sit down and enjoy this wonderful food.

Dad, here. Sit here. Rufus, scoot over, please.

Please.

Thank you.

Hey, Blair, what's up?

I thought I'd come and watch your lacrosse game.

So if you could make sure that there's a seat for me in v.I.P.,

Preferably next to an injured cute player,

But not one on scholarship.

Since when do you care about lacrosse? Since I desperately needed to get away from N.Y.U.

Everyone's planning their living arrangements for next year.

It's so depressing.

I thought your friends asked you to live with them.

In a postwar building

On a street that's not even numbered. It's lettered.

And its big selling point is that it's above a falafel stand.

All right, well, listen, hey, I gotta go.

There's no v.I.P. Area,

But there's a nice set of bleachers.

Blair? You probably don't remember us,

But we met you at your mom's fashion show.

Uh, yeah, of course.

Hair band girl. I never forget a good accessory.

We're celebrating.

We just got the most amazing apartment ever.

You would totally approve- prewar, doorman,

And the best part-fauchon is supposedly opening up next door.

Can I ask you something?

What do you think about falafel?

Ew. Isn't that the kind of food paralegals eat?

I never thought I'd see Blair Waldorf

On the upper West Side.

Unless... Oh, my God.

Are you transferring to Columbia? I hope so.

N.Y.U. Is so beneath you.

I- it's true!

I'm a Columbia girl now.

As you should be.

Yay!

You know, the last time I was invited

To a ceremony in my honor, I had to slaughter a chicken.

Well, at least you've been honored.

I've-I've never been honored,

I did win a contest once at boarding school,

And I think there was a plaque,

But I'm not sure that really counts. What kind of contest?

It was for drinking hot chocolate

At the winter fair. I had a buddy that went to Exeter,

And the stories he tells would make Keith Richards blush.

Yeah, well, um... I wasn't really into the party scene.

I was there more for the academics.

It sounds like you've made some great choices, Serena.

I'm glad. The bad ones have a way of... Following you.

You know, I've never heard that hot chocolate story.

Yeah, well, there are a lot of stories you haven't heard. True, but I did hear this one.

My ex-boyfriend went to boarding school with Serena,

And he tells a great one about her and this teacher one night

At a bed-and-breakfast- Jenny.

Although I'm sure they were just studying.

You know, like she says, she was all about the academics.

I have an announcement, everyone.

I've decided I'm moving back in.

That way, I can be here with you, mom.

And it'll just be really great to be back in my old room again.

Don't worry, Jenny. We'll- we'll find a place for you.

Well, that's great,

Because I'm moving in, too.

Downstairs. I was waiting to tell you

Until the board approved my sublet tomorrow.

But I'm very excited.

All my family together under one roof again.

Better watch out, Humphreys.

They say love makes a family, but on the Upper East Side,