Chozen

Ew.

Oh yeah.

Yuch.

Are you an artist that is struggling to get his music heard?

Are you still living with a family member and you're not paying rent?

Eric. We buy tissues for a reason.

- And when you gettin' a job? - Shut up, Mom. God.

Shit, bitch better shut up 'cause you's about to be a baller.

That's a $40 hat, yo.

All you need to do is upload

a video to "Thuggstar hiphop's next big thang contest."

The winner gets a spot on our front page.

Oh, hell yeah.

But if that ain't enough,

first prize is 10 grand from our sponsor...

45 hour energy.

45 hour energy... it's pretty much cocaine.

But remember, y'all can't win if you don't enter.

So don't get caught slippin'.

Creative forfeits all rights and compensation in perpetuity

to Thuggstar hiphop, a subsidiary

of shing-na chemical and rubber, incorporated.

That cash is mine. Internet, I'm comin' for that ass.

- Shh. - Hey, don't shush me, girl.

These two dudes is lookin' up pipe bombs.

Those gloves ain't foolin' no one, cutter.

It gets better, y'all.

Somebody's gon' die.

1x04 - "Da Director"

And that is why to the untrained eye

the works of Sofia Coppola appear to be terrible,

boring, and a waste of time.

Tracy. Psst.

Yo. Tracy.

- Can I help you? - Why, yes. Fancy teacher.

I am looking for Tracy Cullens.

Ah. Watch out. Ah. Shit.

Yo, white precious. Can you move for a second?

- What do you want? - Well, I am here to inform you

that I'mma put a video on the internet and get hood rich and very famous.

Oh. That's the first time anybody's ever thought of that.

Excuse me.

Damn. Why you all up in my business, Nick Fury?

Look. I got a supreme vision.

And you know how to do all the boring technical shit

that no one really cares about.

Tracy. Will you be my producer?

- No. - You ain't even seen my storyboardses!

Ugh. Can you please just get outta here.

Yo, solid snake. I got a cinematic question.

What woulda happened if Marty McFly banged his moms.

I mean, would she have given birth to him,

or, like, a weird splice-baby

between him and that crispix glover dude?

Oh, man. Time travel's confusing.

Hey, yo, Troy. Meal card.

First prize is ten G's. But better than that,

all of AmErica, and at least half the Orient,

will know who I am.

If you really wanna win this thing, You should get drunk hood rats

beatin' the shit out of each other in front of a fast food joint.

Knockouts get mad hits.

Nah. I ain't aimin' to be the hood Bob Saget.

I'm talkin' about birthin' a masterpiece.

A critical darlin'. A genuine game-changer

like when Nelly swiped his credit card through that girl's butt crease.

- Cherry Boys assemble. - Not now, Manesh.

Come on. Represent. Please?

Wait. Cherry Boys?

Yes. We are a once-proud society of virgin men on campus.

- Wait y'all playin' right now, right? - There are only two of us left.

Bein' a virgin is a secret that you hide deep inside you.

Like grape-flavored cigarillos during a cavity search.

Cool chain, slumdog.

Tracy, have you decided

on a subject matter for your documentary yet?

Yes. I met a homeless crackhead, but he decided to get sober.

- Selfish prick. - Who was that colorful individual

who came into class today?

Yeah, sorry. That was my brother.

He's... he was in jails for a while

so, he's... he's just not so good with class protocol,

or just, like, life. But he's gonna be a rapper, though.

So, it's all gonna work out.

Some people say, "giving a voice to struggle

can produce a great truth."

Jesus Christ. Is it too late to drop this class?

Oh, man.

Tyler Perry, you ain't no woman.

Hey. Are you still looking for someone

to film your music video?

I sent a MySpace message to Hype Williams,

but I ain't heard back yet. I'm interpreting that as a hard maybe.

Well, I was doing some thinking about your offer,

- and you're right. - Oh my god, thank you!

And of course, stupid.

No. This could be an awesome opportunity

to really partner up on something together.

- Okay. But I'm the boss. - Absolutely. I'll just DP.

Tracy. Even if we could find another dude,

I don't roll like that.

Also, you my sister, dummy.

No. The "director of photography."

I don't care who you get. It's still a moral gray area.

A'ight, people! Somebody get me a jelly bean.

Oh, I did it. I did it.

Manesh. Didn't you see the sock on the door?

That's the code for painting Gundam. You know this.

"F" your gundam. I'm a man now.

Commander Bashida!

You know Erica? The cutie down the hall?

She asked me to fix her computer.

Easy peasy. Then we had sex. Shirts off.

Oh, my god. How was it?

Oh. Remember in "Days of Yore," when your smithing

level got high enough to make dragon armor?

- Yeah, that was life-changing. - Almost as good as that!

Manesh. I'm waiting.

Sorry. Gotta feed the meter.

But what about the brotherhood of the cherry?

Oh. Cherry go pop.

The theme for this short music movie is...

- the movies. - Oh, that's good.

- That's like Michael Bay good. - Oh my god. Thank you.

Now, I was thinkin' we could get Patrick Swayze to cameo.

Whoo. That dude hasn't worked for a while.

- He's dead. - What?

How you gon' tell me this right before we shoot?

That's pretty common knowledge.

Look, just shut up! Move over, Peter,

because a celestial roadhouse just got

a beautiful new bouncer, and one heck of a surfer.

It's for you, Bodhi. It's for you.

Oh. Hi, Tracy.

I just happen to have an extra extra-hot soy latte.

It's not like if I give it to you, you'll have to have sex with me.

- What? - Uh, nothing. Um, h... hey, Chozen.

- Hey. Call me "da director." - Hey, da director.

Can I talk to you, like, private style?

Manesh had sex. Like, legitimate, penetrative coitus.

Little man puttin' some life in that pie.

I'm happy for him, and all, but...

now I'm the last virgin and... I don't know what to do.

Help me, Chozen-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope.

First of all, you need to stop quotin' Star Trek.

Second, I ain't got time for your hymen.

I'm composin' shots, and realizin' visions.

Please. I'll be the laughing stock of the whole Quidditch team.

Slap. Shut up. If Sean Penn could fix Haiti,

I guess I could get you laid. I'mma put my top pussy men on the case.

God damn. It won't fit.

- I think it's rusted. - I'll wet it up, dawg.

- 'Sup? - Now, go shave those nuts,

slap on some drakkar,

and get to practicin' your "oh" face.

Listen up, y'all. "Errybody."

"Errybody" listen up.

We are about to embark on a massive undertaking.

This will be the single most meaningful experience of yo' lives.

So, all I ask is that you follow a few basic

and highly-reasonable ground rules.

Get in my shot, I kill you.

Step in my light, I will kill you.

Eat one of my snackwells? That's cool.

Just kidding. I'll kill you. A'ight.

We family. Let's do this.

This is going to be a disaster.

I'm counting on it.

Hustle up, fat ass. We losin' light.

Or you blockin' the light, you fat son of a bitch.

Why are you so excited about gettin' Troy's dick wet?

Hey, if you were stuck in a sex desert, wouldn't you want someone to give you

- a cold glass of pussy? - Cold?

What'd I tell you? Hey, pump up that jodeci

- and fill them balls up. - You full of shit right now.

If Troy gets his churro chewed, he'll stop obsessing over Tracy.

My Tracy. You feel me?

All right. And how you plan on doin' that, Romeo?

Easy, dawg. I got 40 bucks,

three pounds of carne asada, and candy kingdom.

What is this place?

They call it, "casa de la raña peluda."

- Ooh. It sounds exotic. - Yeah. It means "whore house."

It's a rite of passage for all the boys in the neighborhood.

Once we turn 11, our fathers take us to... Esmeralda.

- Ricardo. It's time. - I'm, like, really scared, papi.

Que lindo. It is okay.

How is his pinga?

It's good for his age. Small but strong.

Ah. Just like his papa.

Come, little one. But be quiet.

Jonbi is sleeping.

Who the hell is Jonbi?

Oh, dear god. Jonbi looks pissed.

That ain't Jonbi.

- Jon-bi... - That's Jonbi.

Aah!

And, cut.

Wow. I'm impressed.

I didn't know Psycho was one of your favorite movies.