Faking It

Previously on "Faking It"...

When I got outed and lost my sponsorship,

it was the worst day of my life.

Why don't you just tell Duke you outed him?

When you asked if any of it was real, I only said no

because my boss was listening. I want you back.

Since the drug bust, we're broke.

Why didn't you tell me?

I'm living in the juice truck in my back yard.

It's humiliating.

Does this have to be the end?

We're just in different places, Amy.

I just can't believe it's over.

Hey. Morning.

Hey.

Uh, looks like we fell asleep marathoning Sherlock.

That explains my dream.

Cumberbatch was making me Eggs Benedict.

Yeah-huh.

Thanks for staying over last night again.

You've really helped me through this breakup.

Mm-hmm.

You know it's Saturday.

You don't have to rush to school.

Well, we told Liam, Shane, and Duke

we'd meet them for coffee, remember?

We did?

I don't know what I was thinking.

Coffee's bad for you, addictive really.

It's basically a drug.

Amy, you can't wallow forever.

Says who?

Let's wallow together forever.

We need to resist the inertia of this room

and get into the world.

You go. Between "Shuke" and "Kiam,"

I'll just be Amy, the fifth wheel.

Amy.

Go, seriously.

If I'm around any more lovey-dovey crap, I might vomit.

I miss your eyes.

I miss your lips.

I miss kissing you.

I miss kissing you in public.

Me too, but we talked about this.

I know, if anyone found out, we'd both be in hot water.

You'd lose your job. I'd lose my presidency.

Hester hates you, Theo.

Crap! I did it again. I can't stop calling you Theo.

Then don't.

I've always liked the name. That's why I picked it.

Plus, I love the way you say it.

Theo, Theo, Theo.

Oh. I was hoping that would summon you,

like Beetlejuice.

Actually, I was just there.

Now, there might be a secret

- For me? - Yes.

Ten points for gentility. Hold, please.

Look what I found, look.

"I'm counting the hours until I see you again."

What is that?

I don't know. It's definitely not for me.

Oh, my God, I know exactly what this is.

You do?

My mom is having an affair.

This blows.

Isn't working on the weekend

more of a thing for the service industry?

Dad says when you love what you do, every day is a weekend.

Wow. I think that's

the first time I've ever heard you use the D-word.

After last week, that's got to be

some kind of breakthrough or something.

- Is it? - Maybe it isn't.

But I'm stuck stapling on a Saturday,

so I'm searching for a silver lining.

Ah, my two favorite interns.

Looking good, Mr. B. Have you been working out?

Zita, would you excuse us for a moment, please?

No problem. I'll just deliver these

while you two "skwerk" it out.

I like her.

Ugh.

No, I mean, I like her for you.

I'm seeing someone already, remember?

Yeah, Karma. Yeah, I can't seem to forget.

The one I bailed out of jail, the one that roofied me.

Okay, well, yes, but, technically, that wasn't her.

Trust me, Karma is awesome.

They all seem awesome until they come after your money.

That's what I like about Zita. She's got piles of her own.

I told you.

Okay. You're free to choose whatever path you wish.

It's just my instinct to protect you.

No matter what you think, you're my son.

Is that a new haircut, Mother?

Why? Is it too short?

Oh, that darn Becky at the salon,

so liberal with her scissors... and other things.

No, it looks nice.

Oh.

Too nice.

I've seen it all before... the hairdo, the happiness.

- She's cheating. - You don't know that.

Maybe then it was from Bruce.

Nope, this is my mom's pattern.

She cheats on every husband with the next one.

Every guy is a roll of the ass dice.

Believe it or not, Bruce was the best in the bunch.

And, uh...

this whole step-sister thing wasn't so terrible either.

Same.

Right.

So this is our family,

and it's up to us to keep her from wrecking it.

If we can prove she started something.

You have a tendency to fly off the handle

with too little information.

Remember the croquembouche?

I'm sorry, it's just a funny word.

Oh, "croquembouche."

Are we being that couple again?

Sorry, not sorry.

Sorry for real sorry.

I've just been so busy with appearances,

deal negotiations, fight prep, and...

When we do get together, we want to make the most of it.

I get it, really.

I mean, Liam's gonna be here any second,

and I'm sure we'll be just as annoying.

Hi.

Hey, what's up, boys?

Liam, good to see you.

Oh, Zita. Hi.

Hope it's okay to crash your group hang.

My friends usually spend Saturdays

doing mandatory community service.

Karma, hey, love the bag. Vera Wang, right?

No. Uh, it's actually H&M.

Oh, cute.

I've actually got to get going. I've got a flight to catch.

I've got my first professional MMA fight

tonight in Los Angeles.

- Man, that's awesome. - Congratulations.

On pay-per-view and everything.

People are paying for my boyfriend

and not in a hooker-y way.

I'd say, "Break a leg," but, you know, don't.

Sucks his publicist couldn't get him a plus-one plane ticket.

On the bright side, my boyfriend has a big, fancy publicist.

It's almost like Duke's unstoppable since he came out.

Oh, is that how it happened?

Hey, why don't we all chip in,

and we can watch the fight on TV?

Or we could fly to Los Angeles and watch it for real.

Zita, not everyone can afford last-minute plane tickets.

Ew, commercial? No.

I meant we can take my family jet.

Hey, Veronica Mars,

do you really expect to find anything in there?

Uh, yeah, okay? Maybe more clues,

like a receipt for a fancy perfume

or a-a-a gym membership.

Neither of those are exactly a smoking gun.

_

Is this smoking enough for you?

Oh, my God!

Somebody is having an affair.

Go get the toilet paper,

'cause just got real.

Do all jets come with a masseur that good?

Another couple minutes, and I might have been

in the mile high club.

Zita, how can I ever thank you?

Well, when you and Duke adopt your first

cute ethnically ambiguous baby, you can name her after me.

- Done. -

We're here!

Okay, Duke's weigh-in is just about to start.

We'll make it just in time.

You guys have fun with that.

Come on, Karma, let's hit Rodeo

and get something to wear for the fight tonight.

We can even get something for the boys too... my treat.

Okay.

Hey, are you okay with all of this?

You know, with things, um, back home right now,

I wouldn't blame you if you felt uncomfortable.

The only thing that was uncomfortable

was the turbulence over Arizona.

You're sweet to worry about me, but I'm having a blast.

What do you mean, you think the cheater is Bruce?

He has a history of cheating too.

Just ask any of his four broken engagements,

and he's been acting all suspicious lately,

desperate for my affection.