Conrack

Good morning!

Looks like we got us a nice day, huh?

Are you, by any chance, the welcoming committee?

I ain't no committee.

Still, it was nice of you to get up so early and come down here.

I always gets up early.

Me, too. I'm afraid I'll miss somethin'.

I guess I oughta introduce myself.

I knows who you are.

Okay. Think it's gonna rain?

Don't rain much this time of year.

Well, I'm beginning to run out of pleasantries.

So if you'll just point me in the direction to town...

Good morning!

Good morning.

- I'm the new schoolteacher. - Your hair is pretty long.

- I'm a let it grow 'til the war's over. - It's liable to reach your ass, son.

Let's hope not. Which way is the school, mister?

If you're here to teach, I reckon you can read.

Welcome to Yamacraw Island.

Welcome overseas.

Thank you, ma'am. It's great to be here.

Don't speak too quickly.

You're in a snake pit, son.

And them snakes are gonna start snappin' at your toes.

I'm Mrs. Scott. I'm the principal.

- Pat Conroy. - Do you mind working for a woman?

No, ma'am. My father did it before me and his father before him.

Do you mind working for a black woman?

I'm here.

Treat your babies stern, treat 'em tough.

Step on 'em. Step on 'em every day when they get out of line.

Put your foot on them and keep it there.

I know colored people better than you do.

If you have any trouble, Mama Scott will be right next door.

I'll holler.

Here are the babies now. Yours is the fifth grade to eighth.

- Good morning, babies. - Good morning.

Uh, babies. I know you got vocal cords.

Let me hear you use 'em.

Let me hear you say, "Good morning", like you mean it.

Good morning!

Most of you are slow. All of us know that.

You don't think good.

That's because you're just lazy.

Lazy. Lazy!

And lazy people can't get ahead in life.

But you can learn if you work.

Work, work, work, work, work!

I now have the privilege of introducing Mr. Patroy to the class.

Mr. Patroy is so good to come over here this spring

and take the place of our Mrs. Frost

who's gone to have her gall bladder taken out.

We are thankful that the Lord brought Mr. Patroy to us.

That's enough! Now, I don't wanna hear no more!

I said, quiet!

I'm now going to turn you babies over to Mr. Patroy.

You're his

and he's yours.

I want y'all to take a real long look at me.

That shouldn’t be any hardship

'cause I'm handsome.

Huh.

A thousand years of Irish inbreeding have produced these fine features.

This pug nose, this pugnacious jaw.

Moreover, I have a penetrating wit, a fanciful imagination,

and my eyes are almost as blue as Paul Newman's.

I am your teacher!

- He crazy. - Crazy.

As a loon.

- What're you talkin' about? - What're you sayin'?

Never mind.

Haul your chairs up around me right over here.

Just set 'em up around me here.

Here, I'll get that for you.

Let's get close.

Everybody move, now. C'mon.

Get as close as you can. Hey, what're you talkin' about?

That's good.

You wanna sit on that table there?

Young man, go ahead.

That's better.

Let's start with my name.

Various people are screwin' it up. It's a swell name.

It belonged to a bartender, a minister, a classic scholar, and a Burlesque queen.

It's Conroy.

Not Patroy. Pat Conroy. Let me hear it!

You!

- Me? - Yeah, you.

Con...rack.

What?

Con...rack.

Close, but not close enough. Conroy!

Boy, ploy, toy, joy.

You try.

Con...rack.

Take a big bite out of it. Try to get your mouth around it.

Pretend you got a tennis ball stuck in there.

Oy. Conroy.

C'mon, everybody try it.

Oy, oy. C'mon. Oy, oy.

Oy. Oy, oy.

Oy. All right, you try it.

Con...

...rack.

You know somethin'? I'm beginning to like the sound of it.

What country do we live in, gang? Everybody tell me at once.

Gang?

What is the name of this grand old red, white and blue country of ours?

The place where we live, land of the free and the home of the brave?

Does anyone know what country we live in?

Honey, how much is two and two?

How many fingers have I got raised up here?

Eight?

You only missed it by two. Try again.

Two?

I'll tell you what. Start at this first finger and count to the last one.

Five.

Mrs. Scott!

I just now completed my first day in your school.

The hair on the back of my neck is standing up.

Mrs. Scott, seven of my students cannot recite the alphabet.

Three children cannot spell their names.

Eighteen children do not know we're fighting a war in Southeast Asia!

Eighteen children never heard of Asia.

One child thinks the Earth is flat. The seventeen others agreed with him.

Two children don't know how old they are, five children don't know their birthdays.

Four children can't count to ten. The four oldest in the class

think the Civil War was fought between the Germans and the Japanese!

None of them know who Willie Mays or George Washington or Sidney Poitier is.

Not one of them's ever been to a movie or stood on top of the hill or ridden on a city bus.

Those kids don't know crap!

Remember what I told you about colored children?

They are slow. They need the whip. They understand the whip.

We're off the old plantation, Mrs. Scott.

And I'll be goddamned if you're gonna turn me into an overseer.

How's it goin' today? Caught any big ones?

You've gotta stick with it.

You the new schoolteacher?

Yes, ma'am.

- I'm the midwife over here. - Oh.

All these children on this island my children.

I take 'em out of their mothers. I see 'em when they first be born.

I bring 'em into this Earth.

- Now you got 'em. - Yes, ma'am.

Treat 'em right, and they'll do good for you.

- Yes, ma'am. - Treat 'em right, and they'll do good for you.

Hey!

Hey!

Huh!

Sit down.

Top Cat Jones!

Are you out of your mind?

Are you darin' to lift a finger and lay it on our Mr. Patroy?

Conroy, goddammit!

Conrack hurts!

It wa- It wasn't him. It was me. I felt like a little wrestling this morning.

Mr. Patroy, you have already lost the respect of these children.

You have lowered yourself in their eyes. They need discipline, not fun time.

- This school isn't any fun time, you know? - I'm enjoying myself.

Well, you take Dr. Medicine here and you give that boy a dose.

A good one, one he'll remember.

You got to remember we are overseas, Mr. Patroy.

And things are tough overseas!

Okay, gang, everybody sit down.

Y'all listen up now.

That little horseplay was designed to get those old eyelids open,

get your blood pressure up, get that gray matter perkin'.

Today

we're gonna have a filibuster.

That's somethin' we do very well here in the South.

It means a talkathon. I'm gonna talk, and you're gonna listen.

Anybody has to go pee, do it now, 'cause we're gonna be at it all day.

All right.

I was born in Beaufort, South Carolina, where I grew up and went to school.

I was a bigoted little boy.

Bigot, that's somebody with a red neck and a small brain.

And I went to an all-white, male military college

where I wore a uniform even when I went to the latrine.

That's the toilet.

I ate a lotta grits, smelled a lotta magnolias in my time.

I went to the movies twice a week. My favorite actor was Humphrey Bogart.

He was my favorite 'cause he never took any shit from anybody.

I learned about books

from the third baseman on my college baseball team who read Milton.

And I learned about sex

from the girl next door to my house

who read Havelock Ellis.

I'm gonna be readin' both of them to you.

I drive a small yellow car called a Volkswagen, manufactured in a country called Germany

on a continent called Europe.

I write bad poetry, I write great letters to newspaper editors.

I'm a hypochondriac, that's somebody who's afraid he's dyin' every time he sneezes.

I believe in love of all kinds. Carnal, platonic,

fraternal,

maternal,

religious.

Goofin' off?

Just gettin' my supper.

How'd you like to get mine?