The Laundromat

First of all, there are some things you should know before we begin.

For instance, we are real people, just like you.

Secondly, we did not write a word of this.

To be perfectly frank,

we would have preferred all of this remain a secret.

But we had no choice in the matter.

We just woke up one day and everything changed.

There were stories about us everywhere:

TV, newspapers, and the internet.

And now it is our turn to tell a few stories.

Think of them as fairy tales that actually happened.

Don't worry, these stories are not just about us.

They're also about you.

And how is that possible?

Because all these stories are about money.

The idea of money. The necessity of money.

The secret life of money.

Before money, there was only the barter system.

You tried to trade what you had or you could do for what you needed.

You have bananas, but you need a cow.

I have a cow, but I hate bananas.

So, as you can imagine, there was a limit to this system.

Bananas turn brown over time and cows can, you know, wander away.

So an agreed-upon medium of exchange was needed.

What is a medium of exchange?

-Well, it could be a... a nugget of gold. -

Or some other shiny rocks that are generally found to be scarce.

It could be a... a slip of paper

-with words on it... -Aah!

...or pictures of powerful people.

And if you read those words,

you will see that they are arranged into a promise of value.

-Slips of paper... -

...which you cannot peel and eat, and do not give milk

are what we all agreed to call "money."

And these slips gave birth to many other pieces of paper

-with more writing on them. -

And some of those words, they told the story of credit.

Oh, stay with us now, this is important.

Credit is an invention that meant you no longer needed to carry around, uh,

millions of bananas on slips of paper.

So, you now have something invisible, credit,

standing in for something tangible, a cow.

Credit said that even if you didn't have

all the bananas you need for what you want,

you could borrow bananas

from the future.

So, credit is just the future tense of the language of money.

Speaking of the future...

Uh, things have gotten a little more complicated.

Actually, a lot more complicated.

There is more money than ever before.

Our money has more names than ever before.

Commodities, loans, stocks, and bonds.

Funds and funds of funds.

Futures, equity, derivatives, securitized debt,

shorts and margin calls.

Financial instruments.

Words.

-Invisible. -

Abstract.

Very different from cows.

Morning has broken.

- Morning. -Mwah!

-Come on, buddy. -What time is it?

It's time.

Did you remember to take all your--

Yes!

-You didn't even let me finish. -I took them, I took everything.

-Big fat liar. -I'm not.

You know, they're not gonna wait for us, Joe.

Okay, yeah.

-So.... -I can't do the laces.

-You can have this. I'll take this off. -No, I'm all right.

-I think it's gonna warm up. -Oh, look. They haven't left yet.

-No, no, we're all right. - Oh, gosh.

We're all right.

If they ask about it.

-They'll save a place for us. -Yeah.

-You think? -Yeah.

-There they are. -Drop a line in.

What would you catch?

-Oh, here's Barb. Hi. -Probably an old boot.

-Hey. Sorry. -The line's movin', it's okay.

Tryin' to move him out is like, you know...

Yep.

All right. Yeah, that's great. I'm glad. I didn't remember.

-Shall we let them go, or... -Uh...

That's it.

-Careful on this thing, it gets tricky. -Yeah, it gets a little slippery.

-Okay. -Thank you.

Honey?

Yeah? Oh, look, a place. Oh.

-Oh, and leg room.. -Yeah.

...to boot.

Sweet.

Good afternoon, Trenton travelers.

This is Richard Paris.

I'll be your captain here on historic Lake George.

We got a magnificent fall day, so sit back and relax and enjoy the view.

Posh seats, huh?

-No. -

Hey, you know where the word "posh" comes from?

-Do you know, Barb? -No idea, El.

Oh, is this one of your crossword puzzle things

-or a fun fact off a calendar? - Go on, tell her.

The posh seats on a boat, the good seats,

were called that because when cruises went from England to Africa,

if you were sitting on the port side on the way there, you saw land.

Yeah, and when you would go back, you'd want to sit on the starboard side,

so that you're not lookin' out at nothing all day.

Port Out, Starboard Home.

P-O-S-H. It's... It's a... an acronym.

Yeah.

Boy, you guys sure know a lot of trivia.

Well, you weren't just staring at nothing.

I-- I mean, if you had eyes at all, you'd be looking at something.

Maybe clouds or whales, but something.

Maybe.

All right, comin' up on your right-hand side

just a couple meters beneath the surface

is the Sunken Fleet of 1758.

- Oh, that's what that is. -British soldiers stationed on the lake

sank over 260 vessels to keep them

-from being captured by the French. - Amazing it's lasted.

Captain?

Ah, shit, where did that come from?

Whoa!

Ellen and Joe went on their honeymoon in Niagara Falls

and they were on their way back there the day we lost Joe.

His dear friend Norm Sidley told me that Joe had a ruby pendant in his pocket

that he planned to give to Ellen at the Falls,

because a 40th anniversary...

is ruby,

a stone of uncommon beauty.

And Joe Martin was just as rare.

The common man has become anything but that.

Men who love their wives without stopping.

Men who are there for their children without fail.

Men who pay their taxes and shovel their neighbor's walk.

Men who drive the speed limit, even when there's nobody there to watch them.

This is the 14th of 21 funerals

that this tragedy has visited upon our community.

Each one sharpening the pain of our shared loss.

So... So, what happens next? What do we do next?

Well, uh, Shoreline Cruises, like most of these outfits,

they have insurance for accidents and such.

And that involves filing a claim, which they have done with the carrier.

So basically, they drowned Joe and 20 other innocent people,

and you can get insurance for that?

You know, Gwen Musgrave says that she can still feel Bucky Mecklenberg's actual hand

on her leg, pullin' it, tryin' to get up to the surface to get the air.

You know, she feels it in the middle of the night, just layin' there.

Drowning man's hand on her leg. Whew.

What kind of compensation is there for that?

Well, Shoreline is tellin' me that they bought a policy from one company

and then they were reinsured through another company.

But I'm expecting a settlement offer in the mid-seven figures as a start.

Here's what they're saying.

-Who? -United.

I thought our insurance was through that firm Monarch.

It was. Uh--

We did. Well, actually, GPOA.

And what's that?

Global Property Owners Association. That's who insured this place.

And they insured the boat as well.

-So what's Monarch? -

GPOA became Monarch.

But now this guy, Mr. Purser,

is saying that Monarch itself is insured by-- by a firm called, uh, United.

So United takes over the policy from Monarch.

So United is gonna pay.

That's the thing. We got this note saying,

"The money you have already saved on your insurance

is nothing in comparison to having an accident with one of your boats

while operating them on the lake, where they have no coverage.

I strongly urge you to reconsider the quote

for marine liability and hull coverage on your entire fleet.

I realize that you know the lake much better than we do

and you have never had an accident before, but this is our recommendation to you."

No coverage? Who said that?

Purser at Monarch.

But I thought you said Monarch is United.

Right, it is.

And Monarch is saying that our policy expired be--

before the accident,

so United is off the hook.

Jesus.

You let it lapse?

-No. No, I-- -And we're gonna be exposed here?

-Us personally? -No. It's not true...

Rich.

You gonna answer?

What area code is 518? You know?

- Europe? -

It's not Europe. Europe have different numbers.

If you answered, you could ask.

You didn't sign these, Irvin.

These were supposed to be sent back to Mossack Fonseca days ago.

RDPS Trading, TEP Consulting, Wilkinson Systems Limited.