King of the Hill

Captioning sponsored by FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY

and TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX TELEVISION

Now that's one heck

of a shoetree, Hank.

Yup, Peggy's birthday is coming up

and she was hinting that she wanted something

"for in the bedroom."

Bobby, get out of the street!

Hey, get out of the road!

S Yazzim pimp... zizell... oh... I

Bobby, I can't have you disco dancing in the alley.

People are going to think

we didn't teach you shame.

And I know we have.

loud bass track )

What is this garbage?

It's Pimp Franklin

and he doesn't need your respect, Dad.

He don't pay ho man no mind.

Get in the truck, son.

When I was your age, we had these things called songs.

They were two-minute stories

about people falling in love

or burning down Georgia.

But I guess Hollywood decided

we heeded more criminals

yelling about their lady friend's...

baby place.

Did you pick out your new album?

Whoa, red flag, Bobby.

I have been advised to listen to this record.

They put that sticker on everything.

It's part of the artwork.

It entices.

Excuse me.

I need to use this parental listening booth

to screen my son's music.

That's a great album.

Put it back.

This one, too.

The Four Scores... hmm!

Kind of sounds like The Beatles before they went nuts in India.

It's not the Four Scores, Dad.

It's 48kore!

There's Chris, Calvin, Cool Chris and Todd.

S One I I One

4 Fine I 4 Fine

J Day I I Day I

4 God was I

I Kicking it... in heaven. I

Hey, I like this.

It's kind of like doo-wop.

This is the kind of music you should be listening to.

Okay.

4 Down here on earth... I...

Yeah, uh, I heard this new band they got out

48kore.

You talkin' 'bout that dang ol' boy band, man.

Talkin' 'bout prancin'

around ol' I Oh, oh, oh I

Oh, man.

It's not like I'm listening to them.

You know, it's just good music for the kids.

If your kids like listening to castrati.

But they are a nice, wholesome group.

Of castrati, yes.

And we can agree their music isn't all that bad.

Maybe even okay.

Okay if you're a prepubescent girl.

Are you one of those, Hank, huh?

A prepubescent girl?

Would a prepubescent girl be able to kick your ass?

Probably.

Dad, 4Skore just released a block of tickets

for their show in Houston.

But I thought they were all sold out.

That's just so... wow.

I... I'm just so happy for you and your friends.

Hey, Connie.

Hey, blonde girl.

This is Jordan, my study buddy

from the Frontier Learning Center.

And this is Bobby.

It's nice to meet you, Jordan.

Sorry. I just got my braces.

I'm still a little jumpy.

I already got smacked in the lip with a volleyball.

I got stitches. Do you want to see?

Yes, I do.

That's disgusting.

Okay, ranking in order of sexiness--

Ignoring their brutal slaughter

of Texans at the Alamo, I say it goes

Martin Perfecto de Cos, Antonio Lopez de Santa Ana

and Don Jose Urrrera.

Why don't we make this a tad more fun?

Let's rank the men on our street.

Well, I don't normally go for the white meat

but number one is obvious.

That Boomhauer have one tight little bod.

Well, I think Dale is second.

Dale?

He is unbelievably limber.

Well, my Khan

definitely tie for second.

He has big-ass pompadour

and his stomach is ripped.

And then I guess second tier is Hank and Bill.

¢Escuchame?

You think Hank is on the same tier as Bill Dauterive?

Well, don't get all worked up, sug.

We're ranking by sexy.

Hank's a good man

but he's too uptight to be sexy.

I will have you know that in the 20 years

we have been married

Hank has never once forgotten my birthday

or been late on a mortgage payment.

Oh, yeah, that's real sexy, sug.

'You obviously didn't find Dale real sexy for the 15 years

you were cheating on him with John Redcorn.

Oh, Lordy! We forgot John Redcorn.

Whoo! Oh!

Okay, so it goes

John Redcorn...

Boomhauer, Khan and Dale.

Then Bill and Hank.

Or Hank and Bill.

It doesn't really matter. Whichever.

Dad, wait up.

I read a rumor on the Internet

that Chris frosted his bangs.

Dang Internet.

They don't care whose life they ruin.

Dad, I'm thinking about asking Jordan to dance.

When, how...

what song?

Help me. I'm in over my head.

Well, son, just look her in the eye

and say, "Would you care to dance?"

In my experience

women really respond to formality.

Have your tickets out.

Sir, the parents' section

is in the sky box.

Uh, I came to see the show.

Trust me, sir, you want to be in the parents' section.

This is a boy band.

S One I I One

4 Fine I 4 Fine

J Day I I Day I

Hey, that's Todd.

4 God was Kickin' it I

Jin heaven... »

I 1IN heaven. I

That sure is some good old-fashioned music...

& I saw you walkin' round

I With your friend sweeter than candy

4 delicious and sweet... I

Todd, what are you doing?

I ..felt about you... I

Hey! Hey!

J Can I get me some of that, can I get me some of that?

Would you care to dance?

Sure.

I mean, if you want to.

2 All over body addiction...

So you go to the Learning Center?

'You must be crazy good at math.

Yeah, I'm in trig.

Hey, what about you?

My math is just called math.

I. the equation you plus me equals... I

Dad, look!

It worked. We're dancing.

What?!

Stop that!

I Everybody needs contact... I

LS Uh-uh-uh.

Dad, what are you doing?

Let me go!

J The equation you plus me equals...

J Equals freak friction. »

Hey, guys, how was the concert?

It was a disaster.

I was fast dancing with a pretty girl

to one of my favorite songs.

Then Dad ripped us apart.

Hank Hill, are you so uptight

you won't even let your own son dance with a girl?

They weren't dancing like you and I dance.

They were enjoying it.

Lord.

Everything now is sex, sex, sex.

It wasn't like this when I was growing up.

What is going on with our children?

Yes, exactly.

Do you see the way the little girls are dressing?

Walking around in their tiny shirts?

Everything right out on display.