Whiskey Mountain

'Gentlemen, start your engines.'

I still owe you one!

God, are you alright?

What happened? Are you ok, honey?

Yeah, I'm ok.

What's with him?

Don't ask. He'll be alright.

Well, he's better! I've been waiting half my life for this trip.

If you back out now, you can spend your vacation on your back

in the hospital with your head in a sling!

And that goes for you too.

I promise you [I'll have him on the highway tomorrow.

That's a promise.

Oh, god, promises, promises, promises.

You better have him on the highway cos you got him in this!

He wouldn't back out now.

- Would he? - Nah.

Oh, brother!

Jamie? Jamie, honey?

Listen, I got a million things I gotta do. Couldn't you do this by yourself?

Come on, where's your spirit?

If the guns my great-granddaddy buried are worth anything, this man'll know it.

Frankly, I don't believe you.

Oh, don't be such a skeptic!

Oh, this one looks like it. Great-granddaddy had pictures of them.

Yeah, no doubt about it. That's a confederate musket.

- How do you know? - It says so right on the ticket here.

"Us Springfield, 1863, used by...

"Used by the union forces."

Now I know why he liked them so much.

They're beautiful.

Lucky for us he buried them and gave me the map.

How are you folks today?

Oh, hi. Fine, thank you. Fine.

- Can I help you? - We're interested in muskets.

Any particular kind?

A confederate, of course.

But what kind? Y'all know we had several during the conflict.

Don't ask me, she's the expert.

I think it's like that one there.

Now that's the Cadillac.

Most of the guns were made in France or england,

brought in by gun merchants.

But this one has got the authentic csa stamp on it.

What's that?

Csa, miss expert.

Csa? Confederate states of America?

Right. Er... well, this must be the one. How much is it?

It depends on whether you're buying or selling.

Actually, we're looking for them.

See, my great-granddaddy buried them and he gave me the map,

so we're going off to find them.

That's right, er... We're going off to find them, alright.

- Shh! - Shh.

Well, this was in perfect condition and I'm asking two thousand dollars for it.

Two thousand dollars?

200 times two, that's...

400 thousand dollars.

Will you be quiet?

Excuse me, sir, what if they weren't in what you call mint condition?

I'll give you a thousand dollars apiece for 'em,

as long as they have the csa stamp on 'em.

- Woo-whee! - I told you.

We haven't got 'em yet. I mean, this is a catalogue price.

I saw the dollar signs in your eyes.

Yeah, that was your reflection.

- Thanks. - Wait.

Where did y'all say you were gonna find 'em?

I didn't

- Hey, bill? - Yeah?

If you're tired, just whistle. It'll help keep you awake.

Will you get your feet off me, please?

Jamie?

James?

Billy?

- Did, er... your uncle, er... - My granddaddy?

Yeah, well, whatever. Did he ever tell you why they call it whiskey mountain?

Well, as legend has it,

besides the $200,000 worth of muskets,

the regiment also hid 25 barrels of whiskey.

They said for medical purposes.

For real?

This vacation's getting better every minute.

J when the laughing green of summer

j waves goodbye and turns her face into the wind

j and the chill of late September

j says yesterday won't ever come again

j when you see me comin' ridin'

j through the whole patchwork colors you will know

j that I've come lookin' for a dream

j that disappeared about a hundred years ago

j whiskey mountain rising in the Georgia sunset

j is your lurid beauty really all it seems?

J does your bosom hold a treasure that's for me and me alone?

J or is it just another empty dream?

J in the stiliness of the morning

j when the sunrise breaks the darkness from above

j a drink, a joke, a friend to talk to

j lying with the woman that I love

j perhaps the drink should be forgotten

j and I should only play the cards I hold

j but them everlasting mountains

j keep on callin' to the gypsy in my soul

j whiskey mountain rising in the Georgia sunset

j is your lurid beauty really all it seems?

J does your bosom hold the treasure that's for me and me alone?

J or is it just another empty dream? J

She's ok. Yeah, just let her sleep.

I bet these people will know where it is.

Anyway, I'll do the talking.

Old Jim lets them dogs chew on 'em before they pull 'em off.

And him and Wayne, they hog-tied him and jerked him up so hard,

they flipped him over the limb and knocked them all out.

Oh, Dan, look at this. Oh, I love it.

Come on, you... listen, come on.

Oh, a vacation, isn't it?

Yeah, vacation...

Hey, look.

Is this one of them new underarm vacuum cleaners?

Get out!

Psst

Bill, will you go ask these people about the place?

- Nope. - Why?

You said you wanted to do the talkin'. Get on down there and talk.

You Turkey!

Excuse me. Howdy.

I was wondering if I could get some directions from you.

Maybe.

Hey, Jamie, what was the name of that graveyard?

Graveyard?

Let me introduce myself. I'm bill Thompson from powsell county.

This is my good friend and pastor reverend ogney.

And the good reverend and I and his missus

are down here looking for a missing link, er... to the family tree.

So any cooperation you can give us would be most appreciated.

Reverend?

Are you a preacher?

No, not really. What we're looking for is, er...

My wife's grandad, well, her great-grandad's stomping grounds.

Hmm.

What is it you're looking for?

It's an old confederate graveyard,

it's supposed to be just a few miles out of town.

- I don't know. - It's on the way to whiskey mountain.

You know, in the summer, tourists ask about that place all the time.

Everybody knows it doesn't exist.

Well, it just ain't real.

You've come up kinda late. It's getting a little nippy.

Hey, you!

She's cute as a dog, ain't she?

Hi, blue eyes.

Where you going, you sweet thing, you?

I don't believe it.

What are you doing, leaving me out there alone in the car?

- Who, me? - Yeah, you?

- Who are those men? - What men?

Those weirdos out there who were trying to grab me.

You know, it was just... probably a couple of wise guys hitting on her.

Probably. Let's go lighten her up.

Yeah.

There's no one there, Diana.

What do you mean, there's nobody there?

Go on and look for yourself.

They're gone. Let's go.

Diana, come on.

Listen, er... thank you very much.

You ain't takin' those cycles up those hills, are you?

Oh, yeah, that's alright. They're dirt bikes.

I wouldn't do that, if I was you.

Some of them mountain folk don't take to strangers.

Right.

It's like them ones hangin' around your wife out there.

Why, that dirty...

That son of a...

Well

God, those people are spooky.

Do you really think there's a whiskey mountain?

I think they were trying to put us off, right, reverend?

"Right, reverend?" You Turkey!

- Now, why would they do that? - I don't know,

but my great-granddaddy wouldn't be wrong about a mountain.

Oh, Jamie, that map's ancient.

No, it isn't. He drew it 15 years ago, just before he died.

Look at the falls over the road.

That's gotta be the falls on the map.

Oh, one for Jamie.

Na-na-na, na-na, na!

- How's the leg? - Oh, terrific.

She's tough as nails.

You know, it's too bad it didn't fall on your head, Diana.

- Huh? - It would've hurt less.

- You ok? - Uh-huh.

Sure?

What the hell was that?

I don't know about you, but I'm getting jumpy.

- Hey, it was Odin. - Odin?

The love god of the mountain.

I told you we wouldn't need two sleeping bags, darling.

Oh, tell a man anything, and he interprets it as he's irresistible.

With another drink, an animal in the forest is gonna save you.