Young & Hungry

Okay, I'm off to work.

Oh, the hell you are!

What?

Gabi, this place is messier than your life.

Okay, well, when I sleep out here, this is my bedroom.

Okay, but when you wake up, it is our living room.

Fine.

Cleaning is so hard.

Ugh!

Happy?

I will be when we get a two-bedroom apartment.

Well, you're never gonna be, then, because nobody leaves this rent-controlled building

unless they're rolled out of here.

Oh, my God!

That's Mrs. Jacobsen from 2B.

Wha-what happened?

Stroke.

She stumbled from the master bedroom, through the guest bathroom,

hit her head on the washer/dryer,

then collapsed in the second bedroom.

Dead.

Oh, my God, I can't believe Mrs. Jacobsen...

had a second bedroom!

Gabi, poor Mrs. Jacobsen! May she rest in peace.

Yes, and may I rest in her second bedroom!

Okay, that is so mean.

Really? Meaner than when she called you a whore for wearing pants?

Oh, that's right.

We are so getting that dead bitch's apartment.

Well, how? I mean, this is San Francisco.

Apartments are really hard to find.

I bet that paramedic already has an application in for it.

Yeah, but we know the landlord.

So, all we gotta do is convince him to give it to us.

And, I read an article that said you can get anything you want from a man

if you give him food or sex.

You had to read an article to know that?

- Dibs on food! - Wait!

Wow, you're going all out for Josh's breakfast.

What mistake are you making up for this time?

Actually, I'm making pierogies to butter up my Russian landlord.

Oh. So you don't just screw up our lives?

No. Didn't I tell you the good news?

The lady across the hall died of a stroke!

Good morning, beautiful people!

You know who's starving? Me.

You know why? Sex.

You know how much? Tons.

You know how they say

older women are awesome 'cause they know all kinds of stuff?

They do.

Older women? Who's the lucky lady?

Hey!

No! You picked her over me?

Sorry, Elliot. I got a little something Josh wants.

You got a little something he doesn't.

I don't want anything from either of you.

Because I'm getting plenty from Shauna.

Josh is just letting me stay here 'cause I got in a fight with Coleman.

What? You guys just moved in together? You're already fighting?

I know. But, I didn't like the way he tipped the waitress.

- Oh, what'd he leave her? - His phone number.

Hi, lover.

And I'm talking to the tall, white one.

Guys, this is my girlfriend.

Oh my God, you're not a girl, you're Shauna Stevens!

You're the tech reporter for ABC News.

My boyfriend's a programmer, and he has a poster of you above his bed.

Oh, so he's the one who bought that.

She's being modest.

She actually has two Peabody Awards and Anderson Cooper on speed dial.

I have a poster of him over my bed.

So, Shauna, I was wondering, maybe we spend the night at your place, tonight?

You know, I still haven't been there.

Uh, we can't. I just had the floors cleaned, and it's kind of a mess.

Hmm, well, you know I don't mind things a little bit dirty.

Oh, and I just remembered, the water's also been shut off.

Well, maybe we should call somebody to fix it?

I hear Anderson Cooper's good with pipes...

You know, Shauna, if I didn't know any better,

I'd think you were trying to hid something from me?

I'll tell you what. How about we hide something later...

See you tonight?

Oh, she's got good hiding places.

That's the landlord!

He's on his way up.

My pierogies are hot and ready.

So are mine.

Wow! You look amazing.

But, um, I think you're a little lopsided.

Oh, well, you know,

we ran out of toilet paper before I could finish stuffing lefty.

Huh.

So uh, how'd you get him up here, so fast?

Oh, well, I told him the sink was clogged.

From all of our pillow fights.

Great, great.

Um, I only ask you this because I know you.

Did you remember to clog the sink?

Oh, quick! Put a little of your bigger boobie in there!

- Ah! - That's him.

Hurry, hurry, hurry!

Come in.

Hello, girls. Which sink is clogged?

I think it may have gotten clogged while I was making my world famous pierogies.

Do you want one?

No.

Sink fixed. I go now.

Wait! Um...

We heard that apartment 2B opened up?

Everyone wants 2B.

Girl in 4A offered to do disgusting things for 2B.

And she's got two D’s.

Just because I lost wife they think they can sex me for apartment.

Oh, that is pathetic.

I have allergies.

I go now.

Oh.

Or, maybe I stay.

Hey, girls. Josh was getting busy with the anchorwoman.

And the buzzin' I heard was not from the news chopper.

So, is-is it cool if I watch Law & Order here?

I... I love the Law & Order.

And my wife's dead.

Well, great, come on in, sit down, both of you!

Yeah, what goes better with the Law & Order than the pierogies?

Maybe a white Russian?

Okay, if anybody asks, you're here to borrow my car.

Oh, really?

I shouldn't say that I'm here to trick Yolanda into dating our landlord

so we can get that apartment?

You know, hopefully,

you can keep your sarcasm in our new walk-in closet.

I just really want this.

I have two bedroom fever.

- Hey, Yolanda. - Hey, girls.

Nothing, I'm just here to borrow her car.

So, how's it, ah, how's it going with Coleman?

Ah, do you still want him to walk in front of a bus?

Oh, no, honey.

I wanna push him in front of one.

Um, well, you know, I-I actually just had an idea.

Just now.

Um, I feel like Coleman needs a taste of his own medicine.

Maybe you should go out with another guy and make him jealous?

That's a great idea, Gabi. That'll teach him.

It would teach him. Only one problem.

If I knew a guy, I wouldn't date my ex-husband.

Well, I just had another idea.

Just now.

Um, what about Dmitri?

Another great idea, Gabi!

Ooh...

Your sexy Russian landlord? That guy is fine.

Um, you think you two can...

Sanfran Cafe 8:00 pm. Don't be late.

Oh, how was your run, mate? Would you like a spot o' brekkie?

I Googled Australian slang. I'm a delight.

Can I have a cuppa?

Er, that means "cup of tea."

Oh, right, sorry. I didn't make it to the C's.

- Gabi, you seem close with Josh. - Why, what'd he tell you?

I mean, I'm just kidding. We're close.

Can I ask you a question?

A questie?

Do you think it's wrong to keep a secret from someone just for a little while

with only good intentions, of course.

Well, between you and me, I don't even need the good intentions part.

Yeah, you are a delight.

So, what's the secret?

I'm a mum.

What? You are?

I share custody of my seven-year-old son, Brett.

And, I'm afraid to tell Josh.

That's why I've been acting so dodgy.

"Dodgy." That's a good one.

Um, well, listen, about Josh, I don't think you have anything to worry about.

Josh loves little guys.

You've met Elliot?

You're right, Gabi.

Now I just need to find the right time to tell him.

Why don't you tell him after brekkie,

when he's had a cuppa,

unless you think that's too dodgy.

G'day!

Josh, I did something bad.

I got Anderson Cooper's phone number.

Why is that bad?

I stole Shauna's phone to get it.

- Elliot! - Oh, it gets worse.

In the midst of my mischief making,

I discovered Shauna is cheating on you.

What are you talking about?

I stumbled upon a few texts she sent

to some manwhore named Brett.

You're being ridiculous,

and you invaded her privacy!

Read 'em to me.

"I miss kissing your face."

That's not so bad.