Last Man Standing

Okay, and this is from Eve.

I had to guess on the size. Is it too big?

Not unless it's for Larabee.

I'd love it, except...

Marines don't wear flyboy gear.

- Ed, you're-you're muted again. - Yeah. Yeah,

no, yeah, you are. You got to turn on the microphone icon.

Neat trick. Do that to Ryan.

This has been so great, you guys.

Thanks for all the gifts.

Is there anything that you didn't get that you wanted?

No. No. I just...

I wish we could all be together.

Oh, honey, we will be soon enough.

As soon as the planet stops trying to kill us. (Chuckles)

Technology can go kiss my ass.

Hey, lookit there. Ed's back.

Season 09 Episode 01 Episode Title: "Time Filesk"

Aired on: January 03, 2021

Tell your mom I got to go by Ed's house.

He, he can't figure out how to turn the audio off.

Can you imagine what we'd hear out of that guy tonight, huh?

Pretty funny, huh?

I can't believe I'm bringing a child into this world.

Come on, come on.

It's gonna be fine. Everything's gonna be fine.

You're supposed to say that... You're my dad.

No, no. This is not like the time I told you

I loved your shrimp jambalaya.

It was delicious, it really was good.

It's just that every day there's more bad news.

It's scary out there.

Well, leave it out there.

You felt safe at the little baby shower, right?

Yeah.

Well, maybe you and Kyle can come stay here for a while.

Nothing can hurt you in here.

Why is that?

: Well, because...

"out there" would have to come through me,

and I don't see that happening.

Do you?

- No. - Damn right, no.

Well, look, if-if you're serious about this,

I'll talk to Kyle, and we might take you up on it.

I would do anything to make you feel safe, okay?

- Okay, then. Thank you. - Yeah.

That makes me feel a lot better.

What are you doing?

Giving "out there" my tough guy face.

So it knows what it's dealing with in here.

- Mm. - It won't come through that window.

So far, so good. I think it's working.

Oh, yeah.

I am scaring the crap out of "out there."

If it does get in, somehow gets in here,

I'll just give it some of that...

- shrimp jambalaya. - Hey.

Hey, Dad.

Mom wants to know the plan for dinner.

Ooh. How about all of us sitting in a leather booth

- at Elway's Steakhouse. - Ooh.

Sounds nice, if we were allowed to eat at restaurants right now.

How about steaks at home?

Sounds good. Very little chance

of seeing Elway there, though.

This pandemic is endless. When Kyle and I moved back in,

it felt like it had been going on forever,

and now it feels like we have forever to go.

It's like time has stopped.

Just like when we go to the symphony.

Which gives me an idea for a vlog.

Give me a couple minutes, okay?

Yeah, okay.

Hey. Mike Baxter for Outdoor Man,

where we supply you for the primal battle

of man versus nature.

Now, let's face it, lately nature's been cheating a bit.

Airborne virus?

That's against the rules!

If you kill us by windchill factor,

avalanche, grizzly bear, got no problem with you, nature.

But invisible virus?

As my buddy Chuck would say:

"Not cool."

I'm so confident in America's ability to kick ass

and quickly overcome adversity

that I won't shave until we get through this.

Hey. Mike Baxter for Outdoor Man.

As this pandemic grinds on,

I know you got what it takes to overcome it: grit.

You know, the good kind.

Not the kind when you bite into a...

sandy clam.

You know, I know we've been through this pandemic for...

months...

Really?

Uh, years?

Decades?

My wife is wishing I hadn't vowed not to shave

till this is over.

You know what I think, people?

I think I could play...

: Santa Claus.

Ah.

Ha-ha! Clean-shaven Mike Baxter

for Outdoor Man...

with my four favorite words:

Hallelujah, we did it!

I'm gonna keep this short, so you could hop on your horse

and get on down here for our "Nice Try, Nature" sale.

Baxter out.

You ready, Dad? Mom got us a table at Elway's.

Ah, I love the sound of that.

Grandpa!

But I really love the sound of that.

Come on.

Mom, I am not arguing with you... I just think it's important

to rotate out Sarah's nap time blankets.

Yeah, all I'm saying is that when I was raising you girls,

you each had a special blanket.

Honey, remember yours? It was... it was blue with little moons.

You called it Moony.

Do you remember what happened to Moony?

Uh, uh, you-you grew out of it?

- You left it at the Pepperoni Grill. - I know.

- It broke my heart. It's why I hate pepperoni. - Okay...

Girls. Girls.

- Can I say something? - Honey, kids are gonna lose things all the time,

and they get upset... It's just, that's normal.

Well, I'm teaching my daughter

that she has lots of blanket options,

- so she doesn't emotionally attach to one object. - Okay, all right, hey...

I will not have my daughter growing up hating pepperoni.

All right, all right.

Unbelievable. Did you hear that?

Yeah. She's insane.

She doesn't like pepperoni? Wow.

Once again, Mandy doesn't think I have anything to offer her

when it comes to being a mom.

She act... she acts like nothing I did was right.

Okay, once again, talk to her.

Tell her what's bugging you.

No, no. Look, I love having them here,

and I don't want there to seem like I have a problem with it.

So you're lying.

Look, it is called "being nice."

And if I say something and they decide to leave,

: I would miss them like crazy.

So me venting a few times a week

- is a small price to pay. - Yeah, it's not a small price

since you're not the one paying for it.

- Do you want me to talk to her? - No, absolutely not.

Right. "Absolutely not" code word for "do it"?

No, Mike, do not.

- I'm hearing "do it." - No.

I'm warning you.

Do not say a word.

I'm gonna have to talk to Mandy.

Yeah, don't you love

- the way the, the lavender syrup. - Mmm...

just laces with the light and dark rum?

- (chuckles) - Yeah, it's-it's just magic.

It's magic.

What's that one flavor I'm tasting?

It's kind of like a...

- like a penny. - Yeah.

That's turmeric.

Ah...

Oh, these new recipes of yours, Ed.

We got to be getting near the end, right?

No. Nowhere near the end.

So glad to be sharing it with my good friend Chuck.

- (chuckles) - So go ahead, now, finish that up.

My next concoction will be a real doozy.

- Oh. Okay. - Oh, yeah. Go ahead.

Hello? Chuck?

- It's Kristin. Kristin! - You don't have to go.

Kristin!

Hi. Uh, off to spend some time with Evelyn.

: Take me with you?

You don't even know where we're going.

I don't care, as long as there's no fruity drinks.

You used to love

having the occasional drink with Ed after work.

- A drink... - Yeah.

Used to be Scotch.

Booze the way God intended it to be.

These are the kind of drinks

tourists barf over the railing of cruise ships.

Come on, Chuck.

Round two. Come on.

Two words:

- See ya. - Okay.

God, what happened?

Oh, it's a healthy snack for Sarah that I came up with.

Yeah. It tastes like leafy pudding.

I'll take your word for it.

I was just telling Mom earlier that it's super important

for Sarah to get her nutrients in the first couple of years