Divorce

I'm Frances Everdell.

It's Skip, nice to meet you.

You too. And-- And-- Bye.

We should officially do business.

I buy the houses and you design and renovate.

And we turn a tidy profit.

Hate to say, but I do like it.

You loaned me money, which I appreciate,

but we're not actually partners.

That prick from the auction, he's here.

Can I take you out for dinner some time?

I would feel impolite accepting when I'm here

with someone else.

It's too soon for me to be getting involved.

Yeah, I think my exact words were,

you were a walking disaster. And my instincts were right.

Skip Zakarian wants to rep me.

This means that we won't be working together.

You weren't even finishing your paintings when I met you.

Thanks for everything, I'm done here.

- Hi! - Hey.

Did you study for your math final?

- Yes, I did. - Oh, you're so good.

Yeah, he got out the old abacus

and kicked some butt.

Mom, wait till you hear about summer.

What about-- what about summer?

- Um... - Thank you.

You know, we, uh... maybe hoping to...

take the kids to Italy.

- We-- you and Jackie? - Yeah.

With your permission, of course.

She's got an old college roommate

that made a shitload of money selling hair extensions

and bought a villa-- in Italy.

And even has a-- ( chuckles ) big fucking moat.

And she's offered it to us for free,

um, you know, for June.

And July.

For June and-- and July?

- Yeah. - Well, I don't want to be without the kids

for all of June and July.

I mean, summer's the only time I have with them

when they're not just...

cranky all the time from too little sleep.

- You know. - Yeah, but they've never been to Europe.

Well, I'm well aware of that.

As you know, it has been my dream

to take them, and as you also well know,

we haven't been able to afford that.

I'm sorry, but it's a no.

And you should've told me before you spoke to them

because now-- shit, now I'm in this, like, lousy position.

Once again, I'm the dream killer.

Well, if the scarpe fits.

- That's "shoe" in Italian. - Yes, it's-- yes, I know.

- We were studying last night, but, yeah. - Really? Already?

No worries. You know, we'll-- okay.

- Ciao, which is "good-bye" and "hello." - Yeah, ciao, as in Italian.

- I know. - Yeah.

So, ciao.

What the fuck?

Ugh, this is bullshit!

I wish it were.

Where's the part about you finding her

and us launching her career, huh?

- Where's that? - Oh, nowhere.

Nowhere. I am officially scrubbed

from her entire history.

I never trusted that Sylvia, but Skip?

I went to St. Barts with Skip.

He was, like, my pal.

Well, your pal is taking

every ounce of credit for Sylvia.

Yeah, and all our future profits.

I'm like training wheels.

I get them started, I give them a little shove,

and then they ride off

on their brand-new two-wheelers

into the sunset without me.

Oh, and get this-- Robert and Jackie

want to take the kids to Europe this summer.

- That's great. - No, it's not great, Diane, it's not.

I don't want to spend the whole summer alone without them.

Oh, my God, please.

If I had kids, all I'd want

was a long break from them.

Well, then it's probably good

you never had them.

Yeah. You know what, Frances?

Maybe Sylvia and Robert were like training wheels for you, you know?

It's like when I was working

at the glove counter at Saks

and living in that tiny studio in the East 50s.

I just loved my life.

And then I met Nick

and my life got even bigger and better!

So you just don't know, Frances.

You don't know what the future holds.

Apparently, it holds a lot of blank walls.

I'm just gonna be glad to get these Sylvias out of here

and to their new owners.

Who's that?

Oh, some kid up the road did it.

I didn't have the heart to tell him

that it looked like one of those elephants

holding a paintbrush made it.

- Diane. - ( guffaws )

You know what? I like it.

It's bright, it's happy, I don't love it.

Can't hurt me. I'm borrowing it.

Please, thank God.

Motherfucker!

- Skip: Will you excuse me? - Man: Certainly.

Frances. It's good to see you.

Really? Is it good to see me?

'Cause I have some things to say to you, asshole.

Well, okay, you're-- you're coming in hot.

Maybe poaching Sylvia was some sort of pathetic dick swing payback

for my declining your dinner invitation.

- It wasn't. - Okay, well, regardless,

it was a full-on shady thing to do.

So, I'm gonna-- gonna give you

a little background-- a little history, okay?

When I met Sylvia, she was in a total artistic coma.

I worked with her and I sure as hell didn't do it

so that you could show up in your fancy car service one night and steal her.

I mean, is that what you do?

Pretty much, yes.

- Wow, how-- how do you sleep at night? - Look, I don't have the eye

or, frankly, the energy to do what you do.

I wish I did.

But once an artist is on my radar,

I can sell the shit out of them.

I know what people want,

I know how much money these people have,

and I know where they've parked their yachts.

So, the way I see it, you can go on

having people like me steal your artists

or we could discuss working together.

Are you serious?

You fuck me over and then you expect me

to go into business with you?

- Oh, that's rich. - Hey, you can stay in your sleepy little hamlet

and watch people leave you or you can move forward.

That's my two cents.

Unbelievable.

Oh, and, uh, here.

You can keep your two cents and your pricey trinket.

I'm not for sale.

Call me if you want to talk.

Jesus.

Woman: So, all profits on future investments

are split 50-50.

- Yep. - All righty, if you both sign

at the bottom, your real estate partnership is finalized.

Check that out. What a signature.

You should've seen it in high school.

It actually included a smiley face.

- ( woman laughs ) - Aw.

- Well, congratulations... - That's sweet.

...you are now a corporation.

And if I could just say,

- you two are adorable. - Oh.

- You're pretty cute yourself, Michelle. - Michelle: Well, thank you.

And you work well together.

These agreements are difficult,

believe you me.

Basically, it's like doing a prenup,

but you guys just breezed on through.

- Oh, butterscotch? - Oh, thank you.

- ( loud banging ) - ( whispers ) Shit.

Come on.

- ( pipe clatters ) - ( screams )

Oh, my--

Oh! Oh, my God.

Holy shit.

Thanks for coming.

I didn't know who else to call.

Plumbers.

- This is their profession. - ( laughs )

Just throwing it out there.

Of course. Yeah, no, it's better to call a plumber,

but I panicked, 'cause that was, like, shooting at me sideways.

Oh, and by the way, we have no water pressure in the upstairs shower

and that was like a fire hose.

If that's a veiled attempt to get me to fix

the showerhead, no way, José.

Oh, no, no, just this one job, sir.

'Cause you know this house better than anyone.

This house and I have been through many emotional highs

and lows together.

Hey, so, what, your-- your fella

not available to come help?

He's not my fella.

- And we're done. - Really? Copy that.

Seemed like a nice guy, though.

Except for, you know, those weird sweater-vests.

He did not wear sweater-vests.

In his soul, he was wearing a sweater-vest.