United States of Tara

PREVIOUSLY, ON UNITED STATES OF TARA...

I HAVEN'T HAD A REAL FRIEND IN SO LONG.

TIFFANY MUST BE VERY PLEASED WITH YOUR WORK.

I LOVE IT.

GOD, I JUST WANT TO LIVE IN THERE, RIGHT?

HI, I'M THE NEW SERVER.

GENE'S GONNA LOVE YOU.

REALLY?

GENE STUART, GENERAL MANAGER.

I THINK HE'S NICE.

IF YOU LIKE HIM, HE MUST BE A GREAT GUY.

AND IF HE LIKES YOU, THEN HE WON'T

GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE BEE STINGS.

DOES THAT HURT?

YOU'RE SO CUTE.

THANK YOU. COME ON.

KATE!

I DID NOT RAISE YOU TO LET

BOYS WHO WEAR PIGTAILS PUSH YOU AROUND.

I AM BUCK, AND I WILL FUCK YOU SIDEWAYS.

I KNOW ABOUT THE MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES.

I WANT TO MEET ONE.

TIFFANY, YOU DON'T. I'M NOT A DANCING MONKEY.

TIFFANY THINKS ONE OF YOUR ALTERS

BROKE INTO HER PLACE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS HER KEY.

ARE YOU TARA GREGSON?

IT'S NOT JUST THE RESTRAINING ORDER.

I'M BANNED FROM SELLING VITA-SELF PRODUCTS.

YOU JUST RUIN EVERYTHING.

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* OPEN UP THE SKY

* THIS MESS IS GETTING HIGH

* IT'S WINDY, AND OUR FAMILY NEEDS A RIDE *

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* I KNOW WE'LL BE JUST FINE

* WHEN WE LEARN TO LOVE THE RIDE *

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* I KNOW WE'LL BE FINE

* WHEN WE LEARN TO LOVE THE RIDE *

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* I KNOW WE'LL BE JUST FINE *

* WHEN WE LEARN TO LOVE

* THE RIDE

I'M TELLING YOU, MAN, TUPAC IS ALIVE.

I JUST SAW HIM EATING HUEVOS

DOWN AT THE PANCAKE PLACE IN PRAIRIE VILLAGE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OH, YES, I DID.

I THOUGHT MAYBE I COULD FIND SOME KIND OF CLUE

ABOUT, YOU KNOW, WHO RUINED MOM'S MURAL

ON ONE OF THESE VIDEOS.

NOW LOOKITY-LOOK WHO'S DEAD.

NOW WOULD BE YOUR WINDOW TO SAY SOMETHING DISPARAGING

ABOUT ME BEING VERY NANCY DREW OR MRS. MARPLE-ESQUE.

IT'S TOO EARLY.

TARA MADE A NEW FRIEND.

TIFFANY WAS A THREAT TO THE SYSTEM.

SO ONE OF THE ALTERS WAS JEALOUS?

AND WANTED TO BE OUT IN THE WORLD TOO.

I KNOW THIS IS SCARY, BUT IT'S WHAT WE WANTED.

NOT TO JUST TOLERATE YOUR PARTS,

BUT TO REALLY GET TO KNOW THEM.

SO THAT WE'LL GET TO THE TRUTH OF WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU.

IT'S JUST ONE OF YOUR ALTERS SHOWING

A SIDE WE'VE NEVER SEEN.

GREAT, NOW MY ALTERS HAVE ALTERS.

IT WAS ME.

OH, YEAH? YEAH.

SO, UH, YOU SNUCK OVER TO TIFFANY'S

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?

OKAY.

AND WHAT DID YOU USE TO SCRATCH

"DIE YUPPIE CUNT" IN THE WALL?

UM, MY FEROCIOUS NAILS.

REMEMBER TO POUR WITH CONFIDENCE.

WELL, THE RESTRAINING ORDER SAYS WHICHEVER ONE DID IT

USED MOM'S X-ACTO KNIFE.

SO WE'RE LOOKING FOR THE ALTER

THAT'S THE BIGGEST DUMBASS.

PRETTY MUCH.

OH, CRUD!

EVERYBODY HAS AGGRESSION.

MOST WOMEN DON'T HAVE A CLUE

HOW MUCH THEY'RE CARRYING,

WHICH IS TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE.

WE'RE NOT ENCOURAGED TO EXPRESS IT,

AND WE DON'T HAVE SOCIETALLY SANCTIONED OUTLETS

FOR AGGRESSION BUILT IN TO OUR DAILY LIVES LIKE MEN DO.

MAX DOESN'T.

SURE, I DO. I PLAY BASKETBALL.

I'M GONNA GO OUT ON A LIMB HERE,

AND JUST SAY THAT, WITH OUR SITUATION,

IT MIGHT NOT BE ENOUGH.

MAYBE IT WAS AUNT CHARMAINE.

ANOTHER PITIFUL, YET OVER-THE-TOP GRAB FOR--

SHH! LISTEN.

WHEN PEOPLE SEE WHO I REALLY AM,

IT'S GONNA CHANGE EVERYTHING.

I CAN'T IMAGINE ALICE SCRATCHING UP SOMEBODY'S WALL.

NO WAY.

I GUESS IT COULD BE BUCK.

BUT HE'D BE MORE INCLINED TO WRITE,

"SIT ON MY FACE WITH YOUR YUPPIE CUNT."

NOT JUST MY LIFE, BUT THE LIVES AROUND ME

PEOPLE ARE GONNA TALK ABOUT THIS FOR A LONG TIME.

PLEASE, MY MONEY'S ON T.

INTERESTING. COME ON.

SHE'S DEVIOUS.

WE KNOW SHE'S INSECURE.

SO WHEN YOU SEE WHAT I'M CAPABLE OF,

YOU'RE GONNA KNOW

THAT I GOT SUPER POWERS, BITCHES!

LIKE HOW YOU ALWAYS RECOGNIZE STUFF,

EVEN IF TARA WASN'T AROUND.

YEAH, MAYBE I DON'T REMEMBER ALICE MAKING

CHICKEN WITH CORN FLAKES,

BUT WHEN YOU OR ONE OF THE KIDS TELL ME,

I CAN FEEL IT'S TRUE.

LIKE, SOMEWHERE IN ANOTHER ROOM IN MY HEAD

THAT I'M NOT PRIVY TO.

YEAH, I GET THAT.

I CAN SEE IT KIND OF CLICK WITH YOU.

YEAH, BUT WITH THIS, THERE'S NO CLICK.

I HAVE NO FEELING FOR IT.

AND I WOULD TAKE RESPONSIBILITY, HONESTLY.

BUT I JUST DON'T THINK IT WAS ME.

REALLY?

MAYBE IT WAS TIFFANY'S EX-HUSBAND.

MAYBE IT WAS SOMEBODY WHO WAS REALLY, REALLY PISSED

'CAUSE THEY COULDN'T LOSE WEIGHT.

COME ON, IS THERE SOME WAY IT'S NOT ME?

I GUESS THERE'S SOME WAY.

YOU DON'T REALLY BELIEVE THAT.

YOU THINK I DID IT.

YOU'RE MY HUSBAND.

AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE ME?

COME ON, HONEY. WE'RE LATE.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S JUST TALK ABOUT THIS LATER,

WHEN I SEE YOU.

THEY ONLY ARE ABLE TO DISPENSE

THESE PARTICULAR MEDICATIONS ONCE A MONTH.

THIS HAS DEVASTATED AN ALREADY OVERPOPULATED--

FUCKING NPR.

THEY'RE ON THEIR WAY. JUST ANOTHER FIVE MINUTES.

HOW'D YOU KILL IT?

IT'S NOT DEAD YET.

MAX SAID HE'D TAKE A LOOK.

HEY, TARA, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

DON'T YOU HAVE SOMETHING AT MARSHALL'S SCHOOL?

T?

WHOO-HOO!

HI, MAX. YEAH, IT'S ME.

T'S BACK.

NO, I'M GLAD YOU WERE THERE.

CHARMAINE, ANY CHANCE I COULD CONVINCE YOU

TO HELP ME WRANGLE HER?

WHAT'S IN IT FOR YOU? I DON'T KNOW.

FREE JUNK FOOD, AND, UH, GOOD KARMA, I GUESS.

THANK YOU.

LISTEN, I GOTTA GO. BYE.

LISTEN, YOUR MOM'S FINE.

SHE, UH--

SHE'S JUST NOT QUITE HERSELF.

SHE WENT AWOL?

I'M PRETTY SURE SHE'S AT THAT ARCADE PLACE SHE LIKES.

YOU SHOULD GO GET HER.

NO, NO, NO. I'M NOT GONNA DO THAT.

YOU'RE GONNA BE WIGGLING YOUR FOOT

THE WHOLE TRIAL ANYWAY.

NO.

JUST GO.

OKAY, ALL RIGHT. THANKS.

OH, I HATE FREMONT.

I DON'T KNOW WHY SHE CAN'T FIND A SUGAR SHACK

CLOSER THAN 200 MILES.

AH, IT'D TAKE ALL THE FUN OUT OF IT.

I WAS THINKING ABOUT TARA AND HER FRIENDS.

YOU KNOW IF SHE HAD A ROOMMATE AT BOARDING SCHOOL?

SOMEBODY THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN AROUND, YOU KNOW,

WHEN WHATEVER HAPPENED HAPPENED?

I THINK SO. SHE DIDN'T MENTION IT?

WELL, I ASKED, BUT I THINK MY WANTING TO KNOW

JUST PUTS HER ON EDGE.

YEAH, I KNOW.

OH, YOU KNOW?

YOU KNOW SHE TOLD ME TO ALSO GET A HOBBY

OTHER THAN FIXING HER?

WE WERE GOING ROUND AND AROUND ABOUT THAT.

SHE SAID "TRAIN SET." I THOUGHT MAYBE LINE DANCING.

SHE DID HAVE A ROOMMATE. I CAN'T REMEMBER HER NAME.

I REMEMBER SHE WAS FREAKISHLY TALL.

OF COURSE I WAS ONLY WORTHY OF SHITTY PUBLIC SCHOOL, SO--

WHY'S THAT?

I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID.

MAYBE YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

MAYBE.

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