The Legend of the Legendary Heroes (伝説の勇者の伝説)

- Iris: THE ONLY THING MORE TERRIBLE THAN A WICKED BEAST,

IS ONE WHO'S MADE OFF WITH YOUR BIG SISTER

LIKE A THIEF IN THE NIGHT.

OH, HOW AWFUL IT MUST BE HAVING TO EAT STRANGE DANGO

IN FOREIGN LANDS.

NOT KNOWING THE FLAVOR UNTIL YOU BITE INTO IT.

BLEH! STILL, MAYBE SHE STUMBLED ON SOME AMAZING NEW TASTE

THAT WILL CHANGE THE WAY SHE LOOKS AT THE WORLD.

THIS IS SO THE LAST THING I WANT TO DO

BUT HIS MAJESTY DID ENTRUST ME WITH A SPECIAL RESPONSIBILITY.

ALL DONE.

RISE AND SHINE, SIR.

- WHY ARE YOU SITTING AT MY DESK, IRIS?

BECAUSE I WROTE A REPORT.

I CALL IT "THE PRINCESS AND THE WICKED BEAST."

( theme song playing )

- Iris: THE WICKED BEAST TOOK ONE LOOK AT THE THRONE

AND WENT SLACK-JAWED.

Sion: TO BE EXPECTED.

TO BID YOU A FAIR WELCOME IN THE COURTLY MANOR, HI.

- THE FOUL CREATURE HAD NO IDEA WHO'D BECOME KING

WHILE HE WAS BUSY NAPPING HIS LIFE AWAY IN A PRISON CELL.

I DON'T SUPPOSE SO.

IF YOU ASK ME,

EVERYONE IN THIS STORY WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER OFF,

IF YOU'D JUST KEPT HIM LOCKED AWAY FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE.

- WELL, LET'S JUST SAY SOMETHING TOLD ME IT WAS PRUDENT

TO GIVE HIM A SECOND CHANCE.

- YEAH, BUT WHAT IF HE'D ALREADY BLOWN THE SECOND CHANCE

SOMEONE ELSE GAVE HIM

AND THAT'S WHY HE WAS TOSSED IN THE CLINK TO START WITH?

- RYNER'S SITUATION WAS RATHER UNIQUE.

- ( grunts ) YOUR MAJESTY'S GOT A SOFT SPOT FOR PERVIES

THAT KNOW HOW TO MASH A FEW PRETTY WORDS TOGETHER.

THAT'S WHY YOU FORGAVE HIM.

( chuckles ) NOT EXACTLY.

BUT WHEN THE WORDS, THEY "MASH" TOGETHER

CAN POTENTIALLY CHANGE THE WORLD,

THAT'S ANOTHER MATTER ALTOGETHER.

RYNER? CHANGE THE WORLD?

- WHAT HE WROTE MAY HAVE THE POWER TO STEER US ALL CLEAR

OF A VERY BAD END.

ITS CENTRAL IDEA SEEMED TO ME

TO POSSESS WHAT SOME PEOPLE CALL VISION.

- VISION? WAIT A SEC. WE LOOK AT WORDS, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

ER, ADULTS MAKE NO SENSE SOMETIMES.

OW.

- GOOD AFTERNOON, YOUR MAJESTY. - TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHARGE.

LET GO OF ME!

- QUIT STRUGGLING, PERVERT. - STOP CALLING ME THAT!

- AND SO THE WICKED BEAST WAS SENT ON A MISSION,

WITH THE BEAUTIFUL, VIRTUOUS PRINCESS IN TOW.

BY A ROYAL DECREE, THEY WERE ORDERED TO UNCOVER HERO RELICS

AND BRING THEM HOME TO THE KING.

- I DIDN'T ORDER THEM. I ASKED THEM AS A FRIEND.

- THE FIRST RELIC THEY UNCOVERED,

MYSTERIOUSLY GREW A HUNDRED TIMES

IT'S ORIGINAL SIZE IN A FLASH.

- Ryner: IT'S POINTLESS, I DON'T SEE A THING!

- Iris: THE SECOND ONE, HE GOT IMPATIENT WITH

AND THREW TO THE GROUND,

UNLEASHING A NASTY SURPRISE.

- THINGS DON'T ALWAYS WORK OUT QUITE AS YOU EXPECT THEM TO.

- WAIT, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN WEARING THAT?

- OH. I PICKED IT UP IN THE RUINS.

- Iris: HE STOLE A LOVELY PIECE OF JEWELRY

THE PRINCESS HAD EVERY RIGHT TO WEAR,

AND BEING THE EPITOME OF EVIL, HE TURNED IT INTO A WEAPON

THAT MADE THE GROUND UNDER THEIR FEET TREMBLE FOR MILES.

NO, NOT EVEN MOUNTAINS ARE SAFE FROM WICKED BEASTS.

LAND SURVEYORS AND MAPMAKERS WHO'D SPENT THEIR WHOLE LIVES

CHARTING THE REGION,

SHUFFLED LISTLESSLY BACK TO THEIR DRAWING BOARDS IN DEFEAT.

- Sion: PERHAPS, THE CARTOGRAPHY GUILD

SAW IT AS A BLESSING IN DISGUISE.

I DOUBT, OF COURSE, THE MOUNTAIN SHARED THEIR ENTHUSIASM.

- Ryner: ( gasps ) SOMEONE'S STILL KICKING.

NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT. YOU GO ON AHEAD, FERRIS.

I'LL CATCH UP TO YOU AS SOON AS I'M DONE HERE.

- ALWAYS KEEP IN MIND THAT HIS EVIL KNOWS NO BOUNDS.

IT'S IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO SAY ALOUD AT LEAST TWO TIMES.

YOUR MAJESTY, FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, REPEAT AFTER ME.

BEING FRIENDLY WITH THE WICKED BEAST

WILL PUT A BABY IN YOUR TUMMY! GO!

- BEING FRIENDLY WITH THE WICKED BEAST

WILL PUT A BABY IN YOUR TUMMY.

( snoring )

- IN HIS HALF-HEARTED SEARCH FOR HERO RELICS,

THE WICKED BEAST RUMMAGED THROUGH THE LIBRARIES

OF NEIGHBORING KINGDOMS.

STUPID LITTLE...

( groans )

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

- Iris: OF COURSE, PRESENTED WITH AN OPPORTUNITY

FOR WICKEDNESS, THE BEAST MADE NO BONES ABOUT

TRYING TO STEAL AN INNOCENT LITTLE GIRL'S FAVORITE BOOK.

FORTUNATELY, THE PRINCESS WAS THERE

TO MAKE SURE JUSTICE PREVAILED,

AND GAVE THE BEAST A STERN LESSON.

( grunts )

- Sion: HMM. PERHAPS, YOU MEAN LESION.

- ALWAYS BEWARE OF THE CHARMING BEAST,

HE HAS MANY TRICKS WITH WHICH TO LURE THE UNSUSPECTING.

- ( groans) I'M GOING TO KILL YOU.

- HELLO, OLD FRIEND. I HAVE MISSED YOU TERRIBLY.

- Iris: THEIR TRAVEL FUNDS WERE WAY TOO MUCH

FOR SUCH A SIMPLE MISSION.

SO TO MAKE UP THE DIFFERENCE,

HIS MAJESTY PUT THEM ON A SECOND JOB.

- Sion: WELL, WE COULDN'T JUST LET THEM VACATION

AT THE CROWN'S EXPENSE,

NOW COULD WE?

- Iris: RUMOR HAD IT THAT SHADOWY ASSASSINS

WOULD SEE HIS MAJESTY'S JOURNEY TO NELPHA

AS A CHANCE TO STRIKE HIM DOWN.

THE WICKED BEAST DID A LOT MORE COMPLAINING

THAN GUARDING, THOUGH.

- Ryner: I'M EXHAUSTED. AND FOR THE RECORD, THIS SUCKS.

REMIND ME WHY WE LET SION TALK US INTO THIS FARCE?

- Iris: TO WHICH THE PRINCESS REPLIED...

- WELL, IT'S EITHER BE HIS TEMPORARY BODY GUARDS,

OR THE WYNNIT DANGO SHOP WILL BE DECIMATED.

- SO, UH, I TAKE THAT TO MEAN YOU'RE NOT WORRIED FOR HIM.

- Iris: SENSITIVE TO THE BUSINESS STRATEGIES

OF REGIONALLY AFFILIATED MARKET SHARE COMPETITORS,

THE PRINCESS SAW HER OWN KINGDOM'S CHANCE

TO SITUATE ITSELF WITH A BROADER ECONOMIC CONTEXT.

- WELL, I WOULDN'T NECESSARILY CALL THE DANGO INDUSTRY BROAD,

BUT IT WAS CERTAINLY UNDER THREAT.

- TO GUARANTEE THAT THE BEAST STAYED ON HIS BEST BEHAVIOR,

WHILE WANDERING ABROAD WITH SUCH A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN,

HIS MAJESTY APPOINTED AN ELITE FORCE TO KEEP TABS ON HIM.

- AND WHEN THOUGHTS OF SLAYING YOUR FORMER BRETHREN AIL YOU,

MAY THOUGHTS OF JUSTICE SPUR YOU ON.

KNOW THIS, THE ETERNAL THANKS OF YOUR KING

GOES WITH YOU ON YOUR QUEST.

- AND WE, YOUR SQUIRES, ARE GRATEFUL FOR IT.

MY LORD, I GLADLY ACCEPT, WHATEVER MAY BEFALL US.

I GAVE UP ONCE. I TURNED MY BACK ON THE IDEA OF HOPE.

I SOUGHT TO CLOSE MY EYES TO THE TROUBLES OF THE WORLD

AND SLEEP IN APATHY.

BUT THEN...

A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE FROM CHILDHOOD,

GAVE ME THE STRENGTH TO CARRY ON WITH MY LIFE.

SO, YOU SEE, I OWE HIM.

FOR GIVING ME THE COURAGE I NEEDED TO VENTURE FORWARD.

I SWEAR IT. I GLADLY ACCEPT THE MISSION WITH PRIDE, MY LIEGE.

- Iris: NEVER ONE TO MISS OUT ON DOING WHATEVER HE PLEASED,

THE WICKED BEAST EVEN STIRRED UP TROUBLE IN A TOMB.

HORSING AROUND CARELESSLY WITH SHARP OBJECTS,

TRYING TO PLAY THE SYMPATHY CARD BY GETTING BURNT TO A CRISP.

- Sion: SURELY THERE ARE BETTER WAYS TO ELICIT SYMPATHY

THAN BY ROASTING ONE'S SELF.

( gasps ) RYNER!

Ryner: WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!

YOU ENJOYED THAT.

- Iris: THE PRINCESS WAS ALERT TO THE TOMB'S DANGERS AT ONCE,

AND DID HER BEST TO WARN THE STUPID CREATURE.

- WHAT THE HELL? - BEHIND YOU.

- Iris: SADLY, THE CUR WAS AS DUMB AS HE WAS DERANGED,

SHOUTING TO HIS WOULD-BE RESCUER.

- YOU ARE SO DEAD WHEN I FIND A WAY OUT OF THIS.

Iris: SO MUCH FOR GRATITUDE.

- NOT COOL, I COULD'VE BEEN... - OH, ANGRY BUTTERFLIES.

Ryner: WHO ARE YOU?

I... ( gasps )

- Sion: I'VE GOT A TRIVIA QUESTION FOR YOU.

- Iris: UH... OH, DARN. UM...

Sion: CLOSE, BUT NOT QUITE.

- AND YOU ARE NONE OTHER THAN OUR QUARRY, A TABOO BREAKER.

( Iris speaking )

Sion: GETTING COLDER.

- Sion: ONLY IF RYNER WERE CAPTAIN.

HUH?

- I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, FERRIS. BUT I'M STARVING.

- HMM. YOU KNOW, DANGO WOULD BE THE PERFECT ANTIDOTE

TO THE AIR IN THIS PLACE.

- DON'T THINK I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

THAT SADISTIC TROLLOP HAS FIENDISHLY ENSNARED YOU

BY HER WILES. IT'S OBVIOUS.

- BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, YOU CAN BREAK FREE OF HER.

I'LL WHISK YOU AWAY TO SAFETY.

- I SEE, THIS LITTLE FIREBRAND WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO BE ONE

OF YOUR MANY VICTIMS,

NOW WOULD SHE? SOMEONE YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE OF AND LEFT FOR DEAD?

ENOUGH WITH THE PERV THING!

- HEY, WAIT, I HAVEN'T BEEN TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF.

- OH, SO SHE GAVE HERSELF TO YOU WILLINGLY, MY MISTAKE.

Both: NOTHING HAPPENED!

- THE TRUTH BECAME ALL TOO PLAIN.

THE ELITE FORCE WAS LED BY ONE OF THE BEAST'S EARLY VICTIMS,

WHO HE'D LEFT TO ROT.

THE PRINCESS WORRIED THE BEAST

WOULD SOON SET HIS SIGHTS ON HER OWN VIRTUE.

TRUE TO HIS NATURE, I SUPPOSE.

THE MAN DOES LIKE TO CAST HIS NETS WIDE.

- NOT LONG AFTER, A LETTER TO HIS MAJESTY ARRIVED

FROM THE WICKED BEAST,

CLAIMING HE AND THE PRINCESS' SEARCH FOR HERO RELICS

HAD BEEN RUDELY INTERRUPTED