The Holiday

I have found almost everything ever written about love...

...to be true.

Shakespeare said, "Journeys end in lovers meeting."

What an extraordinary thought.

Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that...

...but I'm more than willing to believe Shakespeare had.

/ suppose I think about love more than anyone really should.

I'm constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives.

It was Shakespeare who also said, "Love is blind."

Now, that is something I know to be true.

For some, quite inexplicably...

...love fades.

For others...

...love is simply lost.

But then, of course, love can also be found.

Even if just for the night.

And then there's another kind of love.

The cruelest kind.

The one that almost kills its victims.

It's called unrequited love.

Of that, I am an expert.

Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other.

But what about the rest of us? What about our stories?

Those of us who fall in love alone.

l/l/e are the victims of the one-sided affair.

We are the cursed of the loved ones.

l/l/e are the unloved ones. The walking wounded.

The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space.

Yes, you are looking at one such individual.

And I have willingly loved...

...that man for over three miserable years.

The absolute worst years of my life.

The worst Christmases, the worst birthdays.

New Year's Eves brought in by tears and Valium.

These years I've been in love have been the darkest days of my life...

...all because I'm cursed by being in love with a man who does not...

...and will not love me back.

Oh, God, just the sight of him.

Heart pounding, throat thickening, absolutely can't swallow.

All the usual symptoms.

Oh, Jasper.

-Don't tell me you're still- -No, no, no, that's over. Very over.

What's the story with you two anyway? You were shagging him, weren't you?

More importantly, I was in love with him, truth be known.

Then you found out he was shagging that drip from Circulation.

Which is when I stopped shagging him.

We shouldn't be talking about this at the office party.

But I always see you two together.

He cheated on you, but you stayed friends?

I was head over heels, you know? Everyone knew.

-Does it look like I'm crying right now? -No, no, no.

No, it just looks like it's the smoke from my cigarette.

Did he ever actually tell you that he loved you back?

Yes. Three, almost four times. And when I reminded him of that...

...he said it must have been an answer to a question.

Which, by the way, it absolutely was not.

You know, Iris, when you catch your guy with another woman...

...you're not supposed to stay friends with him.

You're supposed to never talk to the prick again.

You're supposed to throw things at him, scream, call him names.

Not do his blooming laundry.

I don't do his laundry.

Did someone tell you I do his laundry?

No, no, all we do now is...

...we e-mail.

Not when he's with her, of course.

Also when he's not with her, we talk on the phone.

Sometimes for hours. And then there's the occasional long lunch.

You know, I never realized how pathetic you are.

Really?

Oh, God. I'm so aware of it.

They always know just how to get us, don't they?

He knows whenever he wants back in your life--

Actually, he has made some small comments like that recently.

He hasn't exactly come right out and said it--

Iris, did you file your story?

Oh, no, not yet. Down to the wire. Sorry.

Better go.

-groom's best friend spoke...

...for many guests when he said, "Hilary...

...will open Edward's eyes...

...and round out his life."

Okay, I've got a question for you.

What's it like to be the only one committed to work...

...while the rest of us are slumming?

You mean what's it like to be the only one...

...not to finish their work on time?

Hold on. Don't- Don't go.

Is it fun having a brain that works that fast?

-Shut up. -No, I mean it.

Probably a brilliant finish too.

I assure you it's not.

-Hi, Simpkey. -Hi.

Your column today was fantastic.

God, I loved that line:

"The onrushing stripping of dignity and thought from British lives."

Great writing.

Hey, I got you something for Christmas.

That's convenient because I got you something too.

Darling, I don't actually have my gift with me.

In fact, I probably mislaid it, but I know I got you something.

I suspect it's somewhere in my car, want to know what it is?

No. No, no, that's okay.

I know you're gonna look hot in it.

Well, let's hope you find it, then.

Not exactly something hot...

...but happy Christmas.

Thank you.

I didn't think we'd get a chance to do this this year.

Remember last Christmas, we exchanged gifts in March.

This is good.

We're getting better.

You stinker.

It's a first edition.

Where did you find it?

Buried in that little place we found in Covent Garden that time.

Why are you so great?

Everyone, can I have your attention, please?

Just a couple of minutes. Thank you.

I hate it that we can never talk.

Hate it.

Well, first of all, a very happy Christmas to every one of you.

Happy Christmas.

Now, we're not officially closed, as you very well know.

But we are going to try and get by this week...

...with a smaller-than-normal staff.

Now, before some of you rush off on holiday...

...I do have one rather important announcement.

Now, this affects Iris.

-Iris Simpkins, where are you? -Here, sir.

-Iris, I have a tip for you. -Excellent.

A wedding was privately announced earlier today...

...that I don't believe any other paper in town knows about.

And I want you to be the first to report on this particular union...

...as it is between two of our most esteemed colleagues.

May I introduce the newly engaged Sarah Smith-Alcott...

...and Jasper Bloom!

Come on.

If I had known this was going to happen, I'd have worn my good suit.

Amanda!

Amanda.

Look, may I just say again...

...that I did not sleep with her?

Right, because your receptionist needs to work till 3 in the morning.

A bunch of us were working all night. She wanted to hang out.

Okay. Then swear on my life that you didn't sleep with her.

Come on.

Go ahead.

Look, I don't wanna-- I'm not gonna--

Your receptionist, Ethan?

This is why I knew we were smart never to get married.

I told you never to get rid of your house.

Somewhere inside I knew this about you.

First of all, can you please calm down?

Because I did not sleep with her.

Secondly, we've had problems for over a year.

And I know you don't wanna deal with that, but we have.

Oh, I am well aware we've had problems for the last year.

If I work a little bit too much, I never stop hearing about it.

But if you work too much, maestro...

-...it's for the sake of your music. -"If" you work too much?

Amanda, you cut 75 trailers this year.

You put a cutting room in the house and sleep with your BlackBerry.

And I'm not gonna have a conversation about sex...

...because I can't remember the last time we did it.

Come on, nobody has time for sex.

That's not entirely true.

That's it! You absolutely slept with her!

Seriously, you have to get out.

Oh, God.

You know what I really think, Ethan?

-I don't think you ever really loved me. -Oh, please.

You loved the idea of you and me, but not so much me. Not me, not really.

Look, I did the best I could. Is anybody good enough for that job?

I will send you your things.

You know you do this, right?

I mean, you screw up every relationship you've ever been in.

It's what you do.

You didn't really wanna be a couple! You resist it in your own way!

Shut up!

And it's hard to detect how you even do it...

...because nobody's quite as smart as you!

So you're hard to catch at it.

But it always surfaces and this is what happens.

-What happens? -Things end.

Just like you knew they would.

Amanda, you know how I feel about you. There's nobody like you.

You just don't wanna be what I need.

-Well, not what I "need." -What?

I mean- You know what I mean.

You know, I would never cheat on you, not under any conditions.

Neither would I, okay?

Look at me. I'm down here sweating like a pig. And look at you.

The only woman on Earth who breaks up with her boyfriend...

...and doesn't even shed a tear?

I mean, that's gotta mean something, right?

Why does it bug you so much that I can't cry?

Esophageal spasm.

Oh, God, it's a big one.

-No, it's okay. I'll be all right. -I know, I know. I'm thinking about me.