South Park

And now, a Paramount Plus made-for-TV movie.

"It's not a movie... It's a made-for-TV movie."

From the green hills of Vermont

to the verdant canyons of Arizona,

people all over the country are beginning to realize

it's nearly over!

We have almost beaten COVID and the best news of all:

Infections are at an all-time low.

New, stronger vaccinations have ebbed the tide.

And we humans are cleaning up the mess

and finally getting on with our lives.

But as we start to get back to our jobs and schools,

one question remains:

What lingering effects will the pandemic have on children?

Some say no effect at all. The children are just fine.

We came together

and finally we can say, we are starting to

- win the war against COVID. - Stan?

Stan, the phone's for you!

Stan!

What?!

Could you not hear me?

Yeah, dude, but I'm busy working.

Working on getting drunk again.

I'm not "getting drunk,"

I'm an online whiskey consultant.

I'm doing research.

Everyone needs to leave me alone.

The guy on the phone said it's important.

He said his name is Kyle Broflovski.

Kyle?

- Hello? - Oh, hi.

Is this Stan Marsh, from South Park?

- Kyle? - Oh, dude, it is you!

How have you... How have you been?

I'm... fine. How are you?

I'm good, I'm...

I know this is weird. We haven't talked since...

well, you know, since it all happened.

Yeah, well, the pandemic is about over now.

I'm moving on with my life.

Stan... you should come back here.

There's a lot going on.

There's nothing in South Park for me, Kyle!

I'm not going back there, ever.

Look, dude, you remember when we were little?

When the pandemic... first started.

Us friends said we'd always be there

for each other when things got bad.

What do you mean? What's happened?

Stan...

It's Kenny. He's dead.

Live from the Moderna Center

in downtown New York,

it's Late Night With Jimmy!

Tonight's guest, First Lady Tom Kardashian!

And now here he is, the king of woke comedy, Jimmy!

Wow.

Wow, what a terrific audience.

What a fantastic audience, wow.

Geez, what's the deal with these Mexicans, huh?

I mean, they have fabulous food,

their country has amazing beaches,

and they're really fantastic people.

Wow, what a great audience.

You know, today I was on the subway

and I saw an ad for the Center for People

Who Identify as Homosexual But Were Born Bi.

Have you seen this?

Have you heard about this?

I'll tell you one thing...

Those people are brave and deserve

every ounce of our respect.

S-Stick around.

First Lady Tom Kardashian is here.

We'll be right back!

Jimmy, we got a call from corporate.

They want you to cut the hummus joke.

What?!

It's hard enough doing comedy these days.

Now I'm getting notes during commercial breaks?!

You're just gonna have to joke about something else.

All right, fine, what else is going on in the news? Quick!

Uh, Amazon thinks they might have discovered gold on Mars.

Ah, Jesus. Anything else?

Uh, that famous eccentric scientist died.

The millionaire philanthropist? Dr. McCormick?

Kenny? Kenny's dead?

Oh, I'm sorry, did you know him?

We were friends when we were kids. Let me see that!

"Very mysterious circumstances."

That's what doctors are saying about

the death of beloved scientist

and humanitarian, Dr. Kenny McCormick.

McCormick was a pioneer of science and technology

who was always trying to unlock the key to a better future.

He worked tirelessly... Some say balls-out crazily...

On new inventions and theories

but somehow his biggest questions seemed to elude him.

The head of NASA said, "We have lost

"an innovator and a visionary.

"Kenny was so brilliant that most of the time,

we couldn't even understand what he was saying."

Get me a first-class ticket to South Park!

What? You can't leave! You have to get back onstage!

The first lady is here!

Tell Tom Kardashian to suck my

P-P-Popsicles that are in the green room,

and that I am very sorry,

and that he is a fantastic person.

Stan?

Stan, wake up, I think we're here.

So that's it, huh?

- That's the town you grew up in? - Yeah.

Well, how does it feel to be back after all these years?

It feels shitty, okay? Can you please shut the fuck up?

Why did you even bring me along if you're not going

to let me help you through this?!

Alexa, stop!

Come on in and let your taste buds soar!

Denny's is now Denny's Applebee's Max.

Come taste the difference.

- Hey, dude. - Hey, dude.

Wow. This is crazy, huh?

I mean, how long has it been?

I guess... since we were nine.

Well, have a seat.

What have you been up to?

Oh, dude, just all kinds of stuff.

You know, getting stuff going.

Got my own online whiskey consultant gig.

I'm totally happy. What about you?

Oh, I'm getting things going, too.

I'm doing a sort of counseling online start-up thing.

Really doing great, too.

- Sweet. - Listen, Stan...

I know that we disagreed a lot during the pandemic,

but I hope we can put that aside...

Dude, Kyle, I'm just here for Kenny.

All right, well,

there's something you should know about the way Kenny died.

Hi, guys, welcome to Denny's Applebee's Max.

I see you got your menus already.

As you're deciding what to order,

I just want to go over a couple things.

Now, of course, it is the future

so we don't have any meat on the menu.

'Cause you know, here in the future,

we've all decided meat is wrong.

Yeah, we know.

Okay, and, uh, you'll see there's

some dishes made from insect protein on the menu.

That, of course, is because here in the future,

we've all learned that insects are a valuable and sustainable

food and we no longer fear it as a food. Mm-hmm.

We know, dude.

Okay, well, if you have any questions, please don't hesitate

to say anything, because, you know, it's the future.

We've learned to all just get along and love each other.

Look, Stan, Kenny was trying to find

the answers to some pretty heavy stuff.

He felt like there were people responsible

for everything that's happened.

Like who?

That's just it. Nobody knows. But whoever these people are,

they didn't want Kenny McCormick exposing them.

Wait a minute. Token?

Yeah, it's me.

Just before he died, Kenny was texting me

that he was on to something huge.

And he was texting me, too.

Saying he'd discovered something that

could change the world.

And then he died,

and the hospital won't say how.

And that got us thinking...

Oh, my God. They killed Kenny.

I'm just here for the funeral.

I don't want to be a part of anything else.

Dude, there might be people to blame

for ruining our childhoods.

So what do you wanna do, Kyle?

Go on some bullshit adventure like when we were kids?

Maybe, maybe we can call Jesus and Santa

and ask them for help. Is that what you want?

It's the fucking future, you guys. Grow up.

Hello, welcome to the Super 12 Motel Plus.

- Can I help you? - Yeah, Stan Marsh.

I have a room for one night.

Okay, I see you're in one of our Mach Ten Super Plus rooms.

Now, of course, we only take Bitcoin